TiMER Page #5

and by day, I hang out with

old people because they

don't have Timers.

There's more to you than that,

right?

- Yeah, I like to spend my...

- You know what?

Don't answer, if you can't

be sincere, okay?.

Get up, flake!

Who raised you?

When you say you're gonna

be somewhere, you be there!

Jeez, Steph! God!

What's the big deal?

The big deal is, you stood up

a reasonably attractive,

shockingly nice, albeit completely

emotionally stunted man

in dire need of true love.

Not unlike your sorry ass.

- Are you naked?

- What? No!

I'm wearing a robe.

But you're naked underneath.

You don't sleep naked.

- Sometimes, I do.

- No, you don't.

You think it makes a

rapist's job easier.

- Who's here?

- Nobody!

Nobody's here.

Since when do you lie to me?

Hey. I'm Mikey. You're Steph, right?

Don't wear it out. Uh...

This is the four-month guy, right?

Yeah. Two months and 12 days,

but yeah, it's him.

Oona. What are you doing?

- Have you been seeing him

this whole time?

- Yeah, I have.

And it's fine.

I have it under control.

- Under control?

- Ladies...

You're seriously deluded, my friend.

Why? Because I'm enjoying

spending time with somebody?

Because I'm not a total slave

to the Timer?

No, because he's gonna break

your heart into a million

tiny little pieces--

- I think...

- I know self-destructive,

- this is it!

- I think...

- I think it might help if I...

- Spit it out, Sparky.

- Mikey.

- What'd I say?

My Timer.

What about it?

Oh my god!

Whoa, whoa, guys, guys, no.

It-- It's fake.

Look, see? It just, sticks on.

It's fake?

You... You're not zeroing-out?

You don't have a Timer at all?

No, I don't.

Uh-oh.

- Are you f***ing kidding me?

- No wait, I can explain this...

- No, please, explain.

- No no, I can, look. Uh...

Wretch found these things online,

you can just set the timer for

whatever you want. People who

are so obsessed with them,

I just figured that it'll

take the pressure off.

You mean you use it to pick up

women, kinda like a fake wedding ring.

That's actually kinda clever. Sorry.

No. I mean... Yeah, that's

what they're meant for.

But I just wanted a chance

to see if I like the person,

and if they like me back.

I mean, you said yourself,

you're different with

Timerless guys,

so don't you think that we got

to know each other, for real?

Yeah. Except you were lying

to me the whole time.

I didn't want to meet you like this.

In your boxers?

With a Timer.

Hey. Thanks.

Nice to meet you.

Is this where you pull away again?

No, this is where I

kick you out of my house.

Fine. Great.

Maybe you can chase after me this time,

or maybe if you figure out

that me not having a Timer

is a good thing,

call me.

Hi.

Hi.

I don't think I have anything

to be sorry about, but I am.

Kinda felt like an apology.

You're right.

You should be the one who's sorry.

I am.

I should've told you.

Yes, you should have.

I just said that.

Okay.

- Did you just come here

to make me feel bad?

- No.

I just thought maybe we could

hang out again.

After this weekend, of course.

Well, that depends.

On what?

What's this weekend?

Thanksgiving.

Right.

You don't have any plans?

Okay, so, um...

My Mom is a little crazy.

But totally lovable.

My stepdad Paul is much more sane,

so just talk to him.

A tire swing.

Oh! My brother Jesse.

Great kid.

And his One and her entire

family are gonna be here,

and it's kinda awkward, so

don't make it worse, okay?

And you've met my sister Steph,

and learned not to leave your...

jugular exposed. Ready?

Hi!

Don't get up. Sorry.

This is my Mom, Marion DePaul.

That's my stepdad, Paul.

You know my sister, Steph.

My brother Jesse, Soledad,

and her parents, Mr. and Mrs. Morales.

Hi, I'm Mikey.

Right. Sorry.

This is Michael Evers, everybody.

Well, we're so glad

you could join us.

Paul is just mashing the guacamole.

- It's-- Yeah, okay.

- Alright.

I'm sure Oona's told you the happy news,

that Soledad is joining our family.

Oh yeah, absolutely. Congratulations.

Felicidades.

Gracias.

Uh... Margarita, Mikey?

Oh, whoah, whoah. Let's

see some ID there, Sparky.

Actually, I'm just fine with

water, thank you Mr. DePaul.

Always a pleasure, Steph.

I'll have one. Thanks.

Let's make a toast.

To two families becoming one.

Cheers.

So Oona. You've told me

so little about Michael.

- How did you two meet?

- Thank you.

Mikey's a musician.

We met at one of his concerts.

- Oh, what do you play?

- He's a drummer.

Yeah, his band is very successful.

What's your band called again?

Truckbeef.

Did you say "Upchuck"?

Truckbeef!

You've heard of us?

Just that one song,

"Love Is A Hot Mess."

It was a self-released

single, right?

Yes. Yes, it was.

You've blown my mind.

So, Michael.

Where are you from, originally?

Excuse me.

Kalamazoo, Michigan. For real.

Is that why you don't have a Timer?

Sort of. That, and I really

don't believe in it.

Quieres un burrito, Mikey?

Oh, Si. Por supuesto.

That went well.

Didn't it go well?

- I think it went well.

- It went well. Are you okay?

Of course, why?

You just seem a little tense.

I'm fine.

Is this thing gonna...

light up, or buzz...?

Both.

So, tell me again why it is

you never got a Timer?

Uh, I don't know.

It just never happened, I guess.

Um, why not?

I guess, it was because I was

in Michigan at the time, and...

It was about 8 years ago that

I was old enough to get one.

People were still a little

freaked out by it then. Now everyone

in my old high school has one.

I just didn't want to conform,

I guess.

You're 22?

Yeah. A little worse

than you thought?

Yeah, it's way worse, actually.

Did it just buzz?

No.

He's a nice young man.

Mom.

What's wrong with that?

It's like you've seen

a play that you hate,

and the only thing you

can think to say is,

"However did you manage to

learn all those lines?".

Why don't you just say

what you really think?

That he's too young,

he's uneducated,

that he's outmatched.

Seems to me that's

what you're thinking.

I am only concerned that you've

become too attached to this boy.

What about "No stone unturned" ?

I would be thrilled if he got a Timer.

If he's your One,

I would be overjoyed.

But I doubt if you'll get him

to agree to get one,

He's very reminiscent of your father.

In what way?

Well, he's a musician...

That's superficial, I guess, but

he has that same charming, boyish,

tumbling tumbleweed quality.

It's very seductive, I know.

What kind of mother would I be

if I didn't help you

avoid the mistakes that I made?

Well, if my father's a mistake,

then I'm a mistake, right?

Oona. That's childish.

Look, I know you'd do it all

over again for me.

But you can't talk about Paul

being your soulmate

and me being the daughter you were

meant to have in the same breath.

These are two different paths.

I gotta go.

- I thought you were staying for dinner?

- No, Mikey and I are going out.

Can I ask you something?

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