TiMER Page #6

Can I stop you?

No.

What's the deal with

b*obs that point out?

I'm not following.

OK. Like, your b*obs, they face

front, and they're awesome.

I'm talking about the girls' b*obs

that like, sway out towards their arms.

That's weird.

It's like a lazy eye or something,

like which one do I look at?

Unless like, they're really

far away, and it looks normal,

but then you wave a few bills,

and they come on over, and it's like,

"Hey. Which one do I look at?"

Then I think it's just that they

sleep on their stomachs too much,

and that's what the deal is.

Unless it's genetic.

Jesus, if it's genetic, then...

their babies' babies are

gonna have tits on their back.

Hey. I got you something.

It's a few more songs we recorded.

You might like the track

"You Straighten My Teeth".

- That's catchy.

- Thank you.

So when do I get to see you again?

Or more specifically, when do I get to

see your nice, front-facing b*obs again?

I don't know.

Maybe when you grow up.

What's your problem?

Mikey...

I'm turning 30, this weekend.

This is a "biological clock" thing?

It's everything!

You know, I mean...

I don't have time to

stand still like this.

We did the thing where we pretended

that the Timer didn't matter,

and I'll grant you,

it was a lot of fun.

But now that I know you

have this virgin wrist,

it's back to mattering.

Where is my shoe?!

"Virgin wrist"? What the f***

are you talking about? Who are you?

See, this is why I don't want

a Timer, 'cause it's f***ed up.

I need an answer.

I am tired of waiting.

Okay. Okay.

Say I get a Timer,

and it says that me and you

are supposed to be together

forever and ever

that'll satisfy you, right?

Yes.

You're gonna trust a little

piece of plastic over what

I can tell you, right now?

You're not telling me anything!

I'm telling you that I love you!

I don't know what that means.

Jesus, Oona.

What do you want?

A guarantee.

No.

Your problem isn't that

I can't give you a guarantee,

it's that you can't give me one.

Are you kidding?

I need to do something.

- No kidding. What?

- I'm going to see Rick.

Holy sh*t!

Uh... I get off in 20 minutes.

Oh, screw it. Let's go.

Little different than the

apartment you grew up in, huh?

Yeah.

I slept on an ironing board,

that folded up in the wall.

You think he'll recognize me?

You grew b*obs, not a new head.

Not too late to Ding-Dong-Ditch.

You got a bag of dog sh*t on you?

Hi!

Hi, uh...

We're here to see Rick.

Regarding?

Oh. Oh, no, no.

No, no, not like that. No.

This is weird. I'm his daughter.

Rick?

These girls are here to see you.

Hi.

Can I use your bathroom?

Sure.

Excuse me.

Sorry I didn't call

before I came by.

That's fine.

Uh, please, have a seat.

How are you?

Great.

This might be totally inappropriate,

but I have a friend...

He may or may not be talented,

but anyway, he's in a band,

and I just thought maybe you

could look at his CD demo.

Oh.

No problem.

Okay, so you know what?

I don't wanna take any more of your time

I was just really hoping that maybe...

You could tell me why it is

you never got a Timer.

I know it totally offends your

bohemian sensibilities

- and everything, but...

- I have a Timer.

What?

When did you get a Timer?

Before you and your mother left.

- I thought you refused.

- No.

It was my idea.

I knew everything was gonna

fall apart, before you were born.

But Marion couldn't give up.

I thought if I got a Timer,

that she could

see it a little clearer.

When did you zero-out?

I haven't, yet.

Can you believe it?

Couple of more lessons

to learn, I guess.

Let's go.

Thank you.

It was nice to meet you.

I had it removed.

Your Dad isn't my One.

But I love him.

F*** it. You know?

Hell yeah! We should have

done this, like, years ago.

This is gonna be better than that time

we convinced Katie Meyers

to shave her eyebrows.

- Oh, yeah.

- Oona?

Haven't seen you for a while.

Oh, girl, you weren't kidding

about process of elimination!

No. No.

This is my sister, Steph.

- Oh, hi. Nice to meet you.

- Likewise.

We want to get our Timers removed.

Removed?

- Like removed completely?

- Yes.

Oh, Oona, honey, you giving up?

- No.

- She's moving on.

We both are.

So, can you pop these

suckers off, or what?

I don't know.

I've never done a removal.

I'll have to talk to my manager.

Are you certain you want

to make this mistake?

- Absolutely.

- Damn straight!

Okay. Well, removal is more

painful than implantation.

One of the many reasons why

we advise against it.

You're aware there will be a noticeable scar.

That's cool. We're warriors.

- Wow, that is ancient!

- My god, that's incredible.

It's so old!

How about we limit the ediorial comments?

Right. Sorry.

You ready?

Since I was 14.

Okay.

On the count of three.

One...

Two...

F*** ME!

Wasn't that bad.

I'm fine.

What happened to three?

I feel ten pounds lighter.

Alright.

You're up, champ.

Marion's gonna flip her sh*t!

Good!

Now Oona, you do realize that

once the device is removed,

it damages the sensory area

irreparably.

Where was that warning

when I went?

What does that mean, exactly?

It means you can't get

another Timer implanted.

Your other wrist isn't a viable option.

One shot's all you've got.

Just... OK.

Question.

Do you think the Timer actually works,

or is it just a self-fulfilling prophecy?

The chicken, the egg...

It's all a big clusterfuck.

Oona?

I got you.

Okay.

- Yeah. Just, do it.

- Are you sure?

Mm-hm.

Okay.

Count of three.

One...

Two...

What... What is that?

What's happening?

This is crazy!

Wha-- what's crazy?

I guess that somewhere, out there,

your One just got a Timer.

- Holy sh*t!

- You're gonna meet him tomorrow!

No! No, no no. You made a mistake.

You just shorted it out or something.

I mean, there's no way!

That can't be real!

Even if it was, it doesn't matter.

Maybe it's Mikey, and he's the

next person you're gonna see, or...

it could be someone else, I guess.

Either way, you're gonna meet him.

You're still getting it removed, right?

Oona? Right?

I don't--

I don't know.

It's finally happening!

I'll be in the car.

You won't regret it.

That'll be $79.99 plus tax,

for your sister's removal.

Still did that.

Jesse. Man your post.

Hi!

You leave your spot one more time,

and I'm gonna make you listen to

one of my tapes with me, in my car.

Mikey! How're you? Come in!

They'll be here any minute.

- Glad you could come.

- Thank you for inviting me.

- Hey.

- Oh, hey.

Dude, I am not moving.

- Hi.

- Hi.

- Dan.

- Mike.

Nice to meet you.

Are you a part of the family?

Uh, no. Just a friend.

Me too.

Mom, she's here.

Quiet, everybody! Quiet! Shh!

They're here, they're here!

Mikey! Come on, come on!

Okay, hit the lights!

- Surprise!

- Surprise!

Steph, where's Oona?

I don't know.

We didn't come together.

- Well, that's okay.

- Happy birthday, sweetheart.

What?

You look great.

Sh*t!

That's not the reaction

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