Tiny Furniture Page #6

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I don't want to ask Candice to do it again.

And where are you?

I haven't heard from you in a few days.

Can you give us a call?

I'll see you Wednesday, sweetie.

How you doin'?

Um, I've left you three messages.

Uh, you may have fallen

down a mine shaft.

I think I found us

an apartment on Craigslist...

but I need you to tell me

if it's a scam or not.

This is Frankie, by the way.

Okay. I am gonna go to work...

but I'm off at 4:00

and I'll call you around then...

and we can get a falafel or something?

Okay. Well, I'm busy

until 10:
00 or 10:30 or so.

I have a meeting at 9:00 that I think

will wrap around 10:00 or 10:30.

But I can come back here

and ring the bell when I'm downstairs.

Okay. I might be out

with Charlotte then at some bar.

She thinks the bartender's cute

and wants me to go with her.

Do you have an extra set of keys?

I don't have extra keys, no.

And I should also tell you...

that my mom and sister are

coming back the day after tomorrow.

That's fine.

I'm-I'm a huge hit with moms.

I just think you might want

to find a backup plan...

because you'd be sleeping

in a cubicle next to a 17-year-old girl.

It sounds awesome.

Hey, look.

I'm a man in the house, okay?

That's invaluable.

That's what I am, okay?

Do you understand that?

Okay. How much longer

are you in town?

A... week and a half.

- Roughly a week and a half.

- Okay.

Um...

I think I can make that work.

Did you see this story about the woman

who didn't know she was pregnant...

until she gave birth

on a Greyhound bus?

I didn't, but I have dreams

about that all the time -

that I'm pregnant,

and that I don't know...

and then it's too late

for me to get an abortion.

Ah, you got a pretty compact body.

I don't think you'd miss the signs.

Yeah, well, my friend Charlotte

says that the Greyhound bus...

is for the dregs of humanity,

so that doesn't surprise me.

Charlotte? With the pills?

Can you make that happen?

You'd need to hang out

with me extracurricularly.

Which would be easy to do.

I live right around the corner...

and my mom is basically never home.

Well, I work till 1:00 most nights...

and then, uh, my day off

I gotta spend with my girlfriend.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, we've been goin'

through some problems...

so I gotta put the time in.

How's that going?

Shitty.

But we've been together for a while.

- It's expensive to move out.

- Yeah, that sucks.

I'm really glad I didn't have

to deal with that with my ex.

He moved to Colorado,

and then the guy I'm dating now is like...

basically living with me,

which is too much.

You're dating someone?

Yeah, I mean,

I'm trying to keep it really casual.

He's kind of a big deal on YouTube.

- Hi, Mommy.

- Hey.

- I'm so glad you're home.

- I've been trying to get in touch with you.

- I left you lots of voice mails and stuff.

- My phone's off. What's up?

What's up is

I went to pour myself a glass of wine.

Really tired.

Want to lie down in my bed.

Ten bottles of wine are gone.

One left.

Okay, I don't really know what to -

And who slept in my bed?

Somebody slept in my bed.

I slept in your bed. My mattress

is uncomfortable, so I slept in your bed.

Candice told me she saw some guy walking

around the loft at around 11:00 a. M...

after you went to work - way after.

What was Candice doing

walking around the loft?

Candice should stay in the studio.

- Candice is a b*tch.

- Candice is a b*tch?

- Yeah, Can-

- Candice works for me.

Candice comes up here to do things.

Candice is up and down,

up and down.

Okay. Well, it makes me uncomfortable,

the idea of Candice walking around my space.

Candice said the place

reeked of pot.

That was not my fault.

There's no way that was my fault.

You know that there's a kid

across the air shaft...

who smokes a ton of weed

and will never wave at Nadine.

Okay, but you didn't drink the wine.

Who drank the wine?

This is Charlotte. I think Charlotte

is such an incredibly bad influence.

- That's so untrue.

- She's unsupervised, out of control -

That's not true.

She's with her dad all the time.

He takes her to openings

all the time.

Bob would go to the opening

of a f***ing envelope...

and I'm sure he wishes people

think that Charlotte's his date.

- He is so skeevy -

- You are being very cruel.

- No.

- Charlotte is my best friend.

For two weeks.

The last two weeks.

For my whole life

Charlotte's been my best friend...

and she's also the only person

who seems to care that I'm home.

All you seem to care about

is the wine...

and if you care so much,

I'll buy you new wine.

- With what money?

- I have a job.

Did you not hear me last week

when I told you that I have a job?

- I heard you. I heard you.

- I just got out of school.

This is a very hard time for me.

If you didn't notice,

I had my heart broken, okay?

I am a young, young person...

who is trying very hard.

And I don't know if you know

what it's like to have a job.

Did you ever have a job that wasn't just

taking pictures of stupid, tiny crap?

- No.

- Yeah!

Exactly! Exactly!

- Could you stop shrieking, please?

- No, I won't stop shrieking...

because I don't understand

why you are doing this to me.

What do you want?

'Cause you two are

some kind of gang.

- That is so not true.

- You're a gang!

You with the kitty litter, okay?

You with the wine

and the stuff all over the house.

I'm asking to be heard.

Just to be heard.

I am asking to be heard!

You don't hear anything I say.

You don't care

about anything I say or feel.

Neither of you.

And you're just looking at me

like I'm crazy, but I'm not crazy!

- No.

- This is my house too!

- I know.

- And nobody acts that way!

You act like it's all your house!

It's all your stupid sh*t!

- Would you please just -

- It's all over the house!

- Stop it!

- No! I hate you!

- Could you stop it, please?

- I really, really, really hate you!

- I really hate you.

- All right, all right.

- I really hate you, so leave me alone!

- Leave her alone.

- I didn't do anything.

- Just -

- It's not funny.

- Just help me pick this up.

- Look what I have.

- What?

Paper furniture. You want it?

- Hmm-mm.

- It's much too fragile for me to use.

I don't want it.

- Are you hungry?

- No.

You know, when I was your age,

I never had a job.

I never could do anything.

I had no motivation whatsoever.

So I'm pretty impressed with you.

I am.

I'm sorry I yelled at you so loudly.

It's okay. I don't care.

I'm having a really hard time.

- I'm sorry.

- I really am.

- Am I crushing you?

- Mm, a little bit.

- Can I ask you a favor?

- Yeah.

I have this friend. I haven't made any

new friends since I got back from school.

And I have this friend named Jed.

He's really cool. We have a lot in common.

He's just in New York for two weeks,

and the place he was staying fell through.

- And I was wondering if you -

- No.

- You didn't even listen.

- What?

I was wondering if maybe he could just

stay here for a couple of nights...

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