Tiny Furniture Page #7

---

until he figured out somewhere else.

- No. That's really weird for Nadine.

- Why?

Because her bed

is right through your wall.

- Then he could sleep in the studio.

- This is where I work.

Okay. Mom, I'm 22.

I just - He's -

We're not sleeping together.

- He could go on the blow-up mattress -

- That's even weirder.

Why?

Mom, please?

It's not a big deal. It's the kind of thing

most moms would think was not a big deal.

Okay, just for a couple nights.

Thank you.

I love you. Thank you.

Thank you.

- Hey. How are you?

- Good. How are you?

- Good, thank you. Come in.

- Thank you.

- How's it goin'?

- It's good. How are you?

Do you want to meet my mom really fast?

- She's here? Yeah. I'd love to. For sure.

- Cool.

She's right over here.

- Mom? Nadine?

- Hi.

- Hi.

- Oh, hi.

- Hello.

- This is Jed.

- Nice to meet you.

- Nice to meet you as well. Hello.

- Hi. Nice to meet you.

- Likewise. Thanks for letting me stay here.

- Not a problem.

- I really appreciate it.

- Not a problem.

- Cool.

- Cool. So we're gonna be in the back.

- Great.

- See ya.

- All right. Nice meeting you.

- We can just go back that way.

- Back here?

"June 22, 1974.

Terry got a perm.

She looks beautiful.

I am jealous.

Even though things have changed...

and I seem to have joined the ranks

of the beautiful, I am jealous.

An awful day at work. I hate

being a receptionist, even at a museum.

My cousin Stephen came in and just

stared at me until I recognized him. "

You okay down there?

I think the mattress is deflating.

No way.

It is. It's defeCtive.

It's devastating.

- So you're just sinking?

- I'm sinking... slowly.

It's a mathematical certainty.

I don't have anything else

for you to sleep on...

so maybe you should just

get in my bed.

Nah.

Sorry. Jesus.

Girls sweat up the bed.

I don't sweat up the bed.

Has anyone ever told you

that you sweat up a bed?

- No one's ever said that.

- Never ever?

- Never ever.

- Okay.

When'd you get that mattress?

Mm, I don't know.

Like, two years ago.

Ah, it's defective.

Still have a warranty on it?

I don't know.

I don't save stuff like that.

- You can just turn out the

light if you want. - Okay.

It might be a little bit cozy,

but we will definitely make it work.

Thank you so much.

Okay. See you Tuesday.

I am so sorry I'm late.

There was a whole thing -

My mom locked herself out of the house,

and no one else has keys, and -

- I really like your dress.

- It's a jumpsuit.

Listen, Aura, I need you

to be here at 10:00 a. m. Sharp...

when the phone starts ringing, okay?

I mean, I can't be downstairs wondering

if you're up here doing your job.

- I am really, really -

- No. It's no biggie. It's okay.

How are the busboys treatin' you?

Anyone molest you yet today?

No one but you.

If I were gonna molest you,

you would know.

Hey, I get off early tonight.

What are you doin'?

- Um -

- I got a joint if you got those pills.

- I could probably -

- Meet me at the corner of Houston and A...

at 11:
00.

We have to tart you up a bit.

Are you sure it's okay

if I take some Xanax?

- I feel bad, but he really wants Xanax.

- It's absolutely fine.

- Maybe you should surprise him with oxys.

- What about this?

What do you think of this?

Absolutely not. You need something

that shows your little tits off.

You have the greatest little tits.

They're like a 1960s porn star...

with those puffy little nipples you have.

Oh, my God. That reminds me of this thing

that I just read in my mom's journal.

It's so funny. Listen to this.

Okay.

"I think of myself a lot

as this weird mutation from the '50s.

Doris Day in SoHo.

What a disgusting thought. "

You know, I know how she feels.

Sometimes I think of myself...

as Tribeca's solution

to Marianne Faithfull.

Charlotte, I feel so unprepared. Okay,

so I go there and meet him on the corner.

We smoke a joint,

and then what do I do?

Just take him somewhere

and grab his cock.

You know,

just do something spontaneous.

I don't know.

I'm not awesome like you.

I just broke up with a male feminist

after three years. I'm not a cock-grabber.

Let me tell you something.

When I was 16...

I was absolutely

in love with this man.

I mean,

I was head over heels for him.

One time we were in SoHo...

and we broke

into this residential park...

and it was late at night,

and it was raining.

And it was so romantic.

And I was so sure he'd kiss me.

And then he just reached over...

and he just grabbed my c*nt.

And I was really traumatized.

I was supersad for, like,

a long time after that.

And then one day I just got over it...

and I realized that

that's what you call "spontaneous. "

I guess so.

You know what?

Just wear my top.

It's the only option.

You don't have to do this. It's a beautiful

tank top, but you don't have to do this.

Desperate times

call for desperate measures.

Hopefully he'll replace this awful Jeb.

- Jed.

- Whatever. That guy's a loafer...

and he doesn't deserve you.

I don't deserve you.

Speaking of which...

my father's friend Philippe

is curating this show in Dumbo.

It's this group show.

And I said that we're gonna

put one of your pieces in.

- Really?

- Yeah.

It's gonna be put on one

of those cool little white monitors...

and I think it's a great opportunity.

Aura?

Hi, Siri.

Oh! Sweetie. Long time.

You reek of cigarettes,

and I owe your mom a call.

Oh, no. I wouldn't worry about it.

She's pretty distracted by this...

sheepherder she's f***ing.

All the frozen entrees are gone,

with the exception of this?

- Oh, my God. Is that your dead rat?

- I'm really sorry.

I have not found a place to bury Gilda yet,

but I will buy you new ones.

My paycheck comes next week.

I wouldn't get too excited

about that paycheck.

It's pretty disappointing. After a while,

I just stopped picking mine up.

I know who ate everything.

This is not a boarding house.

This is not a food bank.

This is not a bed-and-breakfast.

This is my home.

I paid for this food.

It's not for you to share.

Do you have the same sense

of entitlement as my daughter?

Oh, believe me, mine is much worse.

Can't believe he stood me up.

Dude sounds like a real meatball.

Should I give him a second chance?

Are you f***in' kidding me?

No way.

No way. Absolutely not.

You get ditched like that once, that's it.

That's a - That's a life ban.

That's forever.

Not always.

I feel like there's a situation -

There's no f***in' situation.

That's it.

I'm telling you.

You don't - You don't do that.

Like, if you - Relationships aren't -

You know, it's not rocket science.

If you find yourself having to really think

about it a lot, analyzing it, it's over.

It's kaput. I'm telling you.

- Yeah?

- Like, look. You know, we met.

I thought,

"Hey, you know, this is a funny chick.

This is nice. This is easy. "

You know, I don't - I'm not worrying about

whether or not we're gonna, you know...

make out or some

Rate this script:5.0 / 1 vote