To the Bone Page #5

you won't be able to stop?

- That you're just gonna...

- Be like one of those guys

who has to be lifted out of his bed

with a crane?

Yeah, but Dr. Beck says

that's not gonna happen, so...

- Yeah, but he has to say that.

- Well, he's pretty straight-up.

Plus, I'm not gonna lie.

I'm really f***in' hungry.

Like, two years worth of hungry.

Whenever I can't sleep, I draw food.

Oh, yeah? Like... what?

- Do you know what a Goo Goo Cluster is?

- Oh, my God.

Yeah, greatest candy bar ever.

Peanuty, marshmallowy greatness.

Oh, it's 240 calories there,

110 from fat.

Whoa. Calorie Asperger's.

- Maybe.

- My last meal would be a whole box of 'em.

Oh, yeah?

How would you eat them? Show me.

You wish.

Um, right. Well, I'd better...

Right, right, right. Yes.

- See you tomorrow?

- Where else would I be?

Good night.

Epic.

Step on.

- Unless you wanna face the other way.

- No, I'm good.

I didn't sew rocks into my panties,

if you're worried.

I'm not.

Step off.

Wow, that's bad.

You know what the body burns

after there's no more fat?

Muscle. Organ tissue.

Pretty soon, you're gonna be

flopping around like a boneless fish.

Thanks for that.

Yeah, I'm scared straight.

Anna, you're next!

I want a baby dragon.

- Megan?

- Huh?

- What do you think?

- It's good.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

Okay, I'll finish it.

I told her not to.

You feel anything?

Not yet.

I like what you said before...

about thinking more about somebody else.

Yeah.

I think that's what being a mom

is supposed to be about... you know?

- Putting the kid first.

- Yeah.

Yeah, it's not like I know

what I'm talking about, but...

No, I... I think you do.

- You're gonna be a good mom.

- Sugar blues

- Thank you.

- Everybody's singing the sugar...

Huh.

Good evening, ladies.

- Good evening.

- Hi, Luke.

Oh, wh...

What is...? What's that noise?

You hear that?

It's so weird. I feel like there's, uh...

Oh...

Oh.

You know you want it.

Shh!

Okay, don't make it a sex thing.

It is a sex thing. Don't pretend it's not.

Ready?

Oh...

Oh, there it is.

- I... I can't.

- You can.

Chew, swallow.

The world will not implode, I swear.

Come on, do it.

Do it.

Do it.

- God.

- Right?

- Hmm.

- Touch it.

We can hear you, freak.

- Yeah, freak, don't be so gross.

- Come on, just a little. Get it on you.

Come on, get it on you.

Right? Okay.

Now, a little bite... for me.

- For you?

- Mm-hmm.

I didn't even like you

until five minutes ago, so, like...

- Maybe just, you know, not...

- You like me.

- You like me.

- Shut up.

- She likes me.

- Shut up.

- Don't press your luck.

- She likes me. You like me.

- Take a bite.

- Can we be done?

- You like me. Come on. Have a little bite.

- Okay, seriously, back off!

God...

Coward.

Tomorrow, you bite.

Luke just made me touch chocolate.

- He's so weird.

- He's totally weird sometimes.

I think the baby just moved.

Smell that. Yeah, get in on that.

- Is anybody watching this movie?

- Nobody cares about dragons.

How are you doing

after family therapy?

It's pretty much how it always is

when my folks are together.

- Minus your dad.

- Like I said.

But I don't feel as bad

as I thought I was going to.

Why do you think that is?

I'm getting to know

some of the people in the house.

Some of them actually seem

like they're doing okay.

- I hope so.

- No, I mean, really okay.

Like they might get lives

and be semi-interesting people.

Did you just say

something vaguely optimistic?

I did say "semi"...

but... yeah.

- So, the family...

- Can I be honest?

I've talked about my dad,

all that family stuff.

I have issues. Whatever.

Talk is not helping.

I think you're right.

- Really?

- Generally, I just need a few facts.

And we're never doing

family therapy again.

It doesn't seem to be useful here.

That was a sh*t-show.

- Yeah, that's what my sister said.

- I liked her.

- Yeah, me too. We get along great.

- I could tell.

She was the only one who had something

to say that wasn't entirely self-serving.

Yeah.

- Now, I'm gonna be honest with you.

- Uh-oh.

- I'm not crazy about your name.

- What?

"Ellen" doesn't suit you.

It's too old-fashioned.

- I've never really liked it.

- So, change it.

I can't just change it.

I can't, right?

Just tell people to call you

by a different name.

Or, if you wanna make it legal,

you can fill out a form online

in about ten minutes.

I was thinking "Ellie."

- Ooh...

- That's no good. No.

How about...

"Eli"?

Call me "Eli."

- You get your iPad?

- Oh, yeah.

The world opens up

beyond your wildest dreams

when you put on some LBs.

- Eli?

- Yeah.

Don't tell me you're gay now, too.

The male population cannot take

another quality defection.

- Most definitely not gay.

- Thank God.

No, "Eli" is a... new name for me.

Ellen... Eli...

Hm, I like it. It's very... George Sand.

You're dazzling. You know that, Eli?

So, I'm officially inviting Eli

to my dinner out tomorrow night.

As part of my reward,

I can take anyone I want.

Um, I'm not really restaurant ready,

but thanks.

It can be your pick. It doesn't even have

to be on Mr. Gold's essential 100.

No, you should take someone

who bites and chews...

We can walk there.

All the way to Hollywood or wherever,

and you don't have to eat.

Can I run?

- I don't run, psycho. My knee, remember?

- Well, can you walk fast?

I read that it doesn't matter

how fast you walk.

It's distance.

You burn the same amount of calories.

- That's bullshit.

- Will you just slow down a little?

I'm not even going that fast.

Um...

I will have the number 12

with the rice and the egg roll.

Mm-hmm.

Can I have the Tom Tum Kai soup?

- It comes with your entre.

- Oh, that's all...

She'll have the number 12, too,

with the egg roll.

No.

- Yes.

- No.

She'll have the number 12, too,

with the egg roll.

- And to drink?

- We'll have two Tsingtao.

Your ID?

I... I don't wanna put you

on the spot or anything, um...

but we're from the hospice.

For cancer.

Um...

- I'm sorry. I can't serve you without ID.

- It's just, um...

This is our first date.

It's maybe our only date. I just...

I don't know. I wanted it to be special.

Thank you very much.

We can pick a different disease

for different restaurants.

You're so sick.

- We both are, actually.

- Yeah.

I put it in there

so nobody would ask questions.

- Thank you. Thank you so much.

- Yeah.

Oh...

- You are so...

- Oh...

- Are you...?

- Oh...

You are so wrong.

- Hmm?

- Mm-hmm.

- Bite.

- I don't like egg rolls.

Who doesn't like egg rolls?

Chew and spit if you wanna be lame,

but you look thinner.

If I taste it, will you leave me alone?

If you taste everything,

I will leave you alone.

Oh, yeah. So good.

- Yeah.

- Mm.

- Mm!

- Right? It's good, right?

Uh-huh. Mm.

- Swallow that egg roll.

- Blegh!

Oh...

Oh!

Jesus Christ.

That was a thing of great beauty.

- That's super hot.

- I know. It's what I was going for.

So, I find out I can pull

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