To the Bone Page #6

the patient ID thing all the way up my arm

and hide it underneath my T-shirt,

and I just get out past

the nurse's station, I just walk out.

- Where were you even going?

- The beach?

I don't even know.

But there I am,

just jogging down Wilshire Boulevard.

I'm a full-on crazy person,

and I'm jogging at the light...

when my mom drives up.

- She was on the way to the hospital.

- Oh, my God.

You don't like it?

No, I do. It's just, um...

She... She just gets a bit nauseous

because of, um...

the chemo.

But it tastes really good.

The beer really helps.

- I'll get you another one, no charge.

- Thank you very much.

- Yes.

- Oh, my God.

- No charge.

- Oh, my God, we're going to hell.

Yeah.

- Did he try to kiss you?

- Ew! Does he even like girls?

No.

I don't know.

What I'm trying to say is,

why does she get to leave the house

when she's only level two?

- It was Luke's night out.

- Yeah, but Ellen got to go.

It's "Eli" now.

It might make you feel better to know

that Dr. Beck scheduled a special trip

for you guys in a couple of days.

- Tell me it's not the Holocaust Museum.

- No.

My mother took me there to make me

feel shitty, you know, about starving.

It's okay. We're Jewish.

Damn, Dr. Beck.

Are you trying to turn me straight?

That's a different program.

- Hi, everyone.

- Hey!

Okay, so this place we're going, I had

to pull some strings to get us in there,

so you have to behave.

Tell us. I can't stand it.

Tell us!

Tell us! Tell us!

Tell us! Tell us! Tell us!

I don't like this.

I'm definitely getting a Holocaust vibe,

doc.

- It's okay, I promise.

- I don't believe you.

What is it?

Art.

Somebody tell me why we're here!

Because we're alive.

Very good.

Water leave

Through the valleys you wore down

Wear me down

Drown me in the water

Drown me in the sea

Lose me in the dark

Drag me to the deep

Let your water wash over me

Water

Water rise

Find a woman

And dance through the moon's light

Leave me the rain

Drown me in the water

Drown me in the sea

Lose me in the dark

Drag me to the deep

Let your water wash over me

Wash

Wash

Wash

Drown me in your water

Drown me in the water

Drown me in the sea

Drown me in the water

Drown me in the sea

Drown me in the water

Drown me in the sea

Here you go.

You're shaking like a chihuahua.

I know what you're trying to do.

Life's beautiful and all that... sh*t.

And that upsets you because...?

Because it is.

I mean, I... I know it can be,

but I... I can't stop.

And I don't even know why.

I just... I just can't.

Yeah, that's bullshit.

That voice that says you can't.

Every time you hear that voice,

I want you to tell it to f*** off.

- F*** off, voice!

- Yeah! F*** off!

- F*** you, voice!

- F*** you, voice!

- F*** you, voice!

- F*** off!

F***!

Yeah! Whoo!

Yeah! Yeah!

F*** off.

- That's what they always say.

- I know.

- What are you... ooh!

- I'll go blueberry.

I didn't say...

Try not to look too pleased

with yourself.

Mm-hmm.

"Cassidy." That's her name.

Um...

It's a girl, and today

she is 12 weeks and one day old.

- Oh, my God!

- Oh, my God.

Can we have the baby shower now?

Yes, but I...

Just don't be a spaz about it, okay?

- Okay. Sorry.

- Don't go...

She's gonna have ponies everywhere.

Ta-da!

Oh, yeah.

Amazing.

I mean, that's one sassy unicorn.

I can't believe you drew that for her.

- You're welcome.

- It's awesome.

Um, I love you guys and thank you.

Cheers.

Whee!

- It's so crazy.

- It's so high.

- I'm actually quite terrified.

- Oh, my God.

- Fifty feet up.

- Here we go.

Whoa. Whoa!

- All right, now it's your turn.

- No, I'd better not.

- F***ing knee.

- That knee.

Yup.

Sorry.

Did somebody bad touch you

as a kid or something?

- It's a big rexie thing.

- No.

Not really.

Hmm. Let's talk about that "really."

Just normal sh*t.

The second you get b*obs,

it's like open season.

You guys are pretty disgusting that way.

We could at least

have some manners about it.

Not rub up against you guys

on the bus.

Oh, bus rubbing.

Titty grabbing... gross dirty talk...

night stalking...

You're all basically just a bunch

of portable holes for men to f***.

Hmm.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

So... have you... done it?

Or... was it just too appalling?

Entirely too appalling.

Ever had an orgasm?

- Um... God!

- Sorry.

- You don't have to answer that.

- Personal.

It's different for guys, you know.

It's... It's very different.

There it is... bobbing at you.

Just bobbing,

begging to be manhandled.

That's... That's way too much information.

Not right now, but it could be.

I just...

- Okay.

- I...

I need to do my research. And you...

need to be touched by someone

who actually cares about you.

Luke...

I'm falling in love with you.

- God! Luke, really? I...

- I'm sorry.

- No, sorry, it's just...

- No, you're right.

It'll be like slapping

two bags of bones together anyway.

- We should go back inside.

- Hey! What the f***?

What the f*** what?

Suddenly, you decide

this is a physical thing,

and I'm caught by surprise,

and now you're just gonna go pout

and make this my fault?

All right, I'm sorry.

Obviously, it was a bad idea.

I just thought, if you knew

I wanted it to be good or different...

And you're falling in love with me?

Okay, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to unleash the Kraken.

- I've known you for, like, three weeks.

- Well, I've known you for two years.

Your drawing,

the way you see things...

Yeah? Oh, okay.

This rexie girl, who saw my stuff

on Tumblr, liked the way I saw... so much,

that when she slit her wrists,

she left me the f***ing note.

And you know what her parents did?

They sent me pictures...

so I'd really know what I'd done.

People say they love you...

but what they mean is,

they love how loving you

makes them feel about themselves.

Or... Or they love

what they can take from you.

I don't even know where to start

with that. That's all kinds of wrong.

I'm done.

Okay, all right, you win!

All right? You're the queen of darkness.

Hey, come on!

- Megan!

- Megan?

Megan! Megan, it's Luke! Let me in!

I thought I was safe.

I know, I know.

It's gonna be okay.

I know. I'm sorry.

Guys, go back to bed.

Can you push a baby out

by throwing up too hard?

Yeah, that's exactly how it happens.

Don't be an idiot.

Good morning.

- Good morning.

- Hi.

How's Megan?

She's at the hospital.

She's fine now, physically.

She's not sure she wants

to come back here...

which I understand.

Can we visit her?

Not yet, but I think, in a few days,

that's exactly what she needs.

I wanna go home.

I bet you do.

Listen. Bad things are going to happen.

That's not negotiable.

What is, is how you deal with it.

Would you read this?

- Do I have to?

- No.

Okay.

'"Courage' by Anne Sexton.

It is in the small things that we see it.

The child's first step,

as awesome as an earthquake.

The first time you rode a bike,

wallowing up the sidewalk.

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