Toc Toc Page #5

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I'm ageless.

I'm a Sagittarius,

for what it's worth, but there it is.

And my color is... blue.

But not a normal blue,

a deep blue, a...

sky blue. I don't know

if I'm explaining this right.

I'm here because I have a mania

for checking everything,

again and again,

again and again and again.

My God!

My keys, I've lost them!

Every time I leave home,

I check everything over and over:

if I've turned off the gas,

the electricity,

the water, the cookie jar...

Here they are. Thank you, Lord.

"Verification 0CD", a classic.

"A classic", he says.

I've read it's quite curable.

I hope it's curable

because as this girl said before,

I don't have a life either.

About time! They just left.

They didn't leave a crumb.

My girlfriends never call me

to have coffee anymore.

- I never arrive on time.

- You see?

You let it out.

You'd drown in a glass of water.

Will stop mentioning water?

I want to run out

-and check I turned the tap off.

- On the bidet?

Will someone put a muzzle on him?

He never shuts up!

And... this...

- Is that OCD as well?

- I don't know, maybe,

I've never thought about it.

There it is,

I can't control it.

That's because...

they say our brain

is like a computer

and if incorrect data is put in,

it has to be re-programmed.

That's why I'm here,

to be re-programmed.

You must think I'm crazy.

No.

On that count, we'd all be nuts.

But having a problem

doesn't mean we're crazy.

You can rest easy.

But it doesn't end there.

I also have...

...strange thoughts.

Should we be scared?

Ideas that go through my head.

Always the same ones,

always the same ones.

Open up... your heart.

No, I'd better tell the doctor alone.

Maybe your ears couldn't stand it.

But if that's what you want...

I'm mimetic, susceptible

to everything I see.

If the TV says a man in Murcia

shot a neighbor

because he had the TV too loud,

a thought suddenly grips me

that I could do that too.

Sorry if my verbal diarrhea

bothered you before.

I'm a real joker,

you'll get to know me.

What if I told you

that I went through a stage

of having those thoughts too?

Am I supposed to answer that?

They're only thoughts.

I'm sure you wouldn't hurt a fly.

I disagree! Sometimes I think

I could be very, very evil,

like another person is living

inside me, or two.

Or three.

I feel exactly the same.

I'm aware of my problem, but then...

another Blanca lives inside me

that makes me do absurd things.

No, thinking isn't doing.

- OCD isn't madness.

- No way. I'm very sane.

- It's just a little problem.

- No way. I'm very sane.

- Do we feel guilty? - No, no.

- What? - I mean, yes, yes.

Do we feel? Are we aware

of what's happening to us?

- Yes.

- Are we crazy?

Yes... I mean, no!

The healthy find it hard

to understand us,

but many of them are unaware

that they're worse than us.

- I mean, no. - No?

- I mean, yes.

And the receptionist?

- Are you stupid?

- I mean, yes.

Hey, wise guy, don't milk it!

Hey, wise guy, don't milk it!

You gave it to me on a platter.

Sorry, eh?

You gave it to me on a platter.

Sorry, eh?

Look, it's contagious.

I'm always...

kidding around. You can see...

that people... crack up with me.

Knock, knock! May I?

Thanks on behalf of the doctor,

he'll be so proud of your patience.

This is getting beyond a joke.

Don't get mad at me,

but I still can't locate him.

Son of a thousand b*tches.

I didn't hear that.

I spoke to Civil Aviation

and this very nice secretary

told me the plane's taken off,

very likely with the doctor inside.

What does "very likely" mean?

- A year waiting for this!

- Explain that to me.

The doctor will move heaven and earth

to see you this afternoon.

But very late. I left the candles

of st. Agueda and st. Eulalia m.

I'm very devoted to them.

I'm going.

This is outrageous,

this is outrageous.

Don't be like that,

these things happen!

What are you doing?

I'm in no hurry.

I'm staying too.

We have to think of something,

the girls are going.

What else did they do

in that group therapy?

The doctor's more upset

than anyone about this setback!

Setback? It's a disgrace.

Goodbye!

If I'm lucky I'll find

a hardware store open.

If you g0,

I can't guarantee an appointment

for at least a year.

I'm complaining to

the College of Psychologists.

You're privileged!

Next week the doctor's going

to Vancouver, Los Angeles,

then Alaska, China, Hawaii...

important patients waiting impatiently

for the doctor's therapy.

- I said I'm going and I am.

- So am I. So am I.

Girls.

Now we're here and getting along,

I had an idea.

What idea?

Thanks a lot.

So why don't we make

the group the doctor?

We don't know if Mr. Palomero

will get here or not.

I'm not giving my opinion,

I'm not giving my opinion.

- Where does "Canine World" go?

- Third row.

- Can you repeat that?

- Yes.

- I'm not giving my opinion.

- I meant the young man,

-but thanks for repeating it.

- Listen...

I was in one therapy

and the exercise was awesome.

My psychologist once ordered me

to eat in a restaurant.

What a feat.

But... I couldn't.

I'm very cautious, I always carry

a change of underwear.

Please, a little concentration.

The group focuses on

one person for three minutes...

No touching, I hope.

...with the aim of

unblocking the problem.

How do we solve problems

we've had for years

in three minutes?

Sorry, I think this is tripe.

Sh*t! Dump! Crap! Turd!

Wow, nice chain!

My giddy aunt!

You must sleep like a log!

If we have these problems

and we can't respect each other,

we can't expect normal people

to be tolerant of us.

I'll tell you one thing:

the kid's not wrong.

I swear I won't tell the doctor.

Thanks a lot.

Let's get this straight. You're saying

that we all have to face our OCD

in front of the others. That it?

Exactly.

We've nothing to lose, right?

Then I'll go first

and be the guinea pig,

if no one minds.

- I'll go second.

- Gee!

Didn't you say it was tripe?

In for a penny...

What do I have to do?

For three minutes,

no insults or obscene gestures.

Sounds hard.

- Someone time it.

- No problem.

- Both stop-watches are ready.

- Good.

And... now!

Now?

I sh*t on everything that moves!

Terrific start.

- Sorry, it's the pressure.

- C'mon, Federico, we're with you.

Dong! Prick!

Maybe it was a bad idea

to start with me.

B*tch! Turd!

Willy! Schlong!

No, it's going well.

He's filtering the nasty stuff.

- They're milder, right?

- Yes.

- Walking abortion!

- Forget it.

Jesus! What a filter.

That's how it is.

The tenser I am,

the stronger the attack.

I only calm down when

my feet are in salty water.

Be careful, I always get a cold

through my feet.

I feel like I'm in an echo chamber.

- How long do I have left?

-1.37 minutes.

Mind if I open the window?

- Open up your legs!

- Fine, you're improving.

- If anyone saw us...

- Stop giving off bad vibes!

Sh*t, ass, fart, pisspants.

He's giving us the whole thesaurus!

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