Tomcats Page #4

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It's too bad you had to stop.

No, see, I was gonna.

That would have been the right thing.

But the way she was having

these contractions.

They were just wrenching down

on the old crank.

Oh, God, it felt so great.

Now, that's a surprise.

Hey, my car, my car, my car!

Yeah, I know. It sucks.

Oh, you get that extra key made

for the house?

Thanks.

I got to take the phone. Sorry.

I need that phone.

That phone is my life.

Michael. Carlos.

Give him the phone.

You've got three weeks.

Thanks, buddy.

I'm so glad to see you.

Great, great. All the kids are here.

Hey, how you doing, pal? Come here.

Ling, take your penis out of

the tartar sauce. You look great.

Michael, a surprise for you.

Natalie, this is Michael.

Michael, this is Natalie.

You probably don't remember,

but you two have met.

Michael was an usher at our wedding.

Right, right. I think I remember you.

Doesn't ring a bell.

So, Natalie, you're still single and

in law enforcement. How interesting.

Do you have any exciting stories?

Well, Last year I got shot.

I shattered my pelvis and I was in--

Oh, speaking of pelvises,

how was the birth, Kelly?

I had to have a C-section.

She only dilated this much.

That happened with Freedom.

Then he came out feet first.

Talk about getting ripped.

Ripped.

Nuyen's birth mother birthed in water.

Tony and I were in the tub.

Oh, guys.

I was in labor for 26 hours.

Don't you people ever watch TV?!

I know I said no more matchmaking--

Yes, but Tricia can't help herself.

It's just that you two

are perfect for each other.

Kill me, Michael.

Kill me now.

Dill kung pao.

Pass the dill kung pao.

What a beautiful baby!

Oh, my God. You won't believe this.

- My water just broke.

- Her water....

What does that mean, her water broke?

What is that, her water?

Oh, God. Oh, God. People, we're

going to need a mop in here!

That scene back there freaked you

out, huh? Don't you Like kids?

I am not talking to you about kids.

Last time, I wound up in handcuffs.

You know the one thing I regret more

than losing my money in Las Vegas?

What's that?

I should've asked you out

back at Max's wedding.

With that mullet hair you had?

Keep dreaming, buddy.

Nice. Nice.

Why didn't you?

I don't really Like ugly chicks.

Ever play mercy?

Yes. I'll have you know

I'm very good at the game.

- Bring it on.

- Okay.

- One, two....

- Three.

Oh, yeah. You are going down!

I lose.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

- I don't know what came over me.

- Freeze, motherf***er!

I am really sorry! I was out of line!

Please don't shoot me!

Bring Kyle to me tomorrow.

Drop cans!

Hands on your head!

You are not falling in love with her.

You're a lady-killer.

You're a tomcat.

Take it easy, Mike.

Good night, fellas.

Have a safe drive.

I'm confused because I

really Like Michael.

And I think he Likes me.

What, you can't tell?

Police! Nobody move, goddamn it!

There was this one moment.

It was amazing.

What the f*** does that mean?

So you really Like this guy, huh?

I think I'm in love with him.

This is serious.

I know. He has a slick

exterior, but...

...I see a real sweetheart underneath.

Clear.

Clear.

Sh*t.

Remember the first time we

met him at the station?!

He found me because he felt I was

Kyle's Last chance for true love.

Can't say that if you don't

believe it.

So how do I find out how he feels?

Say you're falling for Kyle.

Don't move or I'll blow

your brains out!

He won't believe I'm falling for Kyle.

Oh, he'll believe it. Trust me.

Your partner's right.

Want to get a guy to make a move?

Get him competition.

Shut up.

Let me Look at cologne.

Look at this place. There's hot babes

everywhere. It smells great.

I ought to move in here.

- Would you watch it?

- Sorry.

Excuse us.

Man, this again?

I hate this shade of lipstick.

Stays on your dick for a week.

Then you should try

our hypoallergenic cleanser.

I think you should try some Visine.

Why do I need Visine?

So you can get a clear vision

of our future together.

Do I know you from somewhere?

I don't know. My name is Natalie.

I'm from Van Nuys.

Oh, my God, you're Natalie.

That's what I just said.

Hey, I'm Kyle.

Remember? Max and Kim's wedding.

Malibu? I popped your cherry.

Oh, my God. You Look great.

I'll let you two get reacquainted.

So you're working here.

Cosmetics counter girl.

I know it's not very ambitious, but...

...I'm saving my money

for a one-story house.

That's fantastic.

Put your shoes back on.

Get out of there.

Here you go. Would you Like to dance?

Oh, yes. Come dance with me.

I love to Lambda.

I love to fall feet and turns.

Nice dip, dork.

All right, Natalie. Enough's enough.

Tell him you can't stand him.

Tell him it's a scam.

You're in love with me.

Where you guys going?

Natalie, don't go.

No, no. Get out now.

Night vision.

No, no, Natalie. Get out of there.

There you go. Thats a girl.

No, not the microphone.

Not the microphone.

Natalie, get out of there.

Get out.

I'm blind.

You Like it with the lights on?

Baby, come on. Ride the pony.

You know you want it.

Natalie, get out of there! Save

yourself! It's the dick of death.

Come on, get some of this.

Come on, you Little rodeo gal.

Here's how it's gonna go.

We're not having sex...

...tonight.

In fact, I don't know when

we're going to have sex.

I'm not Like all the other girls.

But I promise you, Kyle,

you've never had a girl Like me.

All right.

Ready.

Better take care of that.

This is kind of about me, right?

Who'll take care of me better than me?

And you knew that!

We got a future together, baby.

All right. Here we go.

Ooh, I am going to hurt you tonight.

Michael. Yeah, it's me.

- l need you to meet me right away.

- Name a place.

Somewhere Kyle would never stumble

across us in a million years.

Thanks for meeting me.

- Are you all right?

- I'm fine.

I'm falling for Kyle.

He's actually pretty sweet.

Sweet? The guy screws women while

they're barfing!

You just don't know him Like I do.

There's another side to him that he

doesn't show to everyone.

I've known the guy my whole Life.

There's no other side. He's a dick.

- He's afraid to show his sensitivity.

- He must be very afraid.

Michael. All my Life,

I waited to fall in love.

And now this guy really loves me.

Do you know what that's Like?

Do you love anyone?

I guess not.

I better get back.

You won't Let this defeat you.

You won't Let this defeat you.

You know why? You know why?

Because you're the man. Who the man?

You the man. You the man.

Now, here's what you'll do.

You'll go out there and you'll

f*** the first woman you see.

The first woman you see.

You are going to be ruthless.

You'll use every Little dirty trick.

Every Little manipulation.

Every lie you know! You know why?

Because you the man! Now get her.

The first woman you see.

The first woman you see.

The second woman you see.

The second woman you see.

This is almost too easy.

Where would I bring an overdue book?

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