Too Many Husbands Page #4

Henry, you wouldn't want me

to make up my mind right now, would you?

It's in the back of the closet.

Vicky.

- Did you find it, dear?

- Vicky.

Darling, don't decide against me, please.

I promise you, there will never be

another business meeting at night

as long as I live.

My whole life will be spent

making you happy.

Darling, there'll be theaters,

wonderful trips, dinners out...

- Henry, I...

- Vicky!

Vicky. Oh, Vicky. Vicky.

- I had a little trouble finding the robe.

- Vicky, when can we talk, honey?

When can I tell you all the things

I've been saving up for a whole year?

- Darling, if you only knew...

- Vicky!

What?

- I saw you! What were you whispering?

- I wasn't whispering.

I was showing her where a barracuda bit me.

We'd better go to bed.

We'll sleep with our thoughts

and tomorrow we'll be able

to settle everything with clear heads.

My thoughts will be sleeping

with your thoughts, honey.

A fine thing.

And may I comment in passing

that it seems awfully strange to order a man

out of his own bedroom just because

a squealing corpse has washed ashore.

This. This is the night I dreamed about

while I starved on berries and fish.

Come, darling.

Good night, dears.

- Good night.

- Good night.

I heard you. I heard every word.

- You did? Proud of yourself?

- I have to protect my own daughter.

- From what?

- You could have sent one of them to a hotel.

- Which?

- All right, both of them.

- Why?

- Why?

Wouldn't this be a lovely scandal.

Two husbands under the same roof.

Oh, they're in the guest room.

Now, look here, Vicky.

You're not fooling me, and neither are they.

What do you mean, Dad?

Why, I simply mean that this can't go on.

Something's got to be done.

Well, I imagine the proper legal

procedure would be to pick one

- and throw the other one out.

- Then let's do it.

I asked you before. Which?

- Vicky, you've always been honest with me.

- Yes, what?

When you heard today that Bill was alive,

you told me it was a horrible situation.

- Do you still think that?

- In a way, yes.

- In a way?

- Yes.

Vicky, you like this!

I like my husbands to love me,

to fight for me.

- Vicky!

- Is that wrong?

I don't know.

It sounds wrong when you use the plural.

Dad, you know I've been

a very lonely wife, twice.

- Yes.

- Now, all at once,

I'm getting more attention

than I ever had in my whole life.

Two men who want me, who'll

do everything in their power to get me.

This is awful, but I love it!

Of course, you can't forget that you've

got to make a decision as soon as possible.

I can't forget,

but I don't have to keep remembering.

In the meantime,

two human beings are in the guest room.

Two men who, as you say,

will do everything in their power to get you.

I'd say it was high time

for an old man to keep his eyes open.

This used to be a room where a man could

take off his pants without feeling ashamed.

I guess when you redecorated it

you made it just what you've always wanted

for your very own room.

Rave on, you wonderful thing.

What's this stuff, mosquito netting?

- Dotted swiss.

- What?

Dotted swiss.

Dotted swiss.

You even look pretty when you say it.

Which one is mine?

I had nothing to do with this.

Vicky wanted the room this way

in case we ever had a daughter.

- You say that to me?

- Well, why not? You're a grown boy.

I suppose this is hypnotism,

a little thing you picked up on your island?

I was just seeing you at my wedding,

my best man.

Oh, that wedding.

You should have seen mine.

My best man, standing with his hand

on my shoulder, offering a toast.

"To Bill," he says.

"The one man in the world I'd gladly die for."

- Did I say that?

- Well, I'm ready. Let's see you gladly die.

Times have changed.

The world's gone through a lot,

- and people don't think the same.

- A hollow promise it was,

as hollow as that thing

that pumps water through your veins.

- Say, where are my suits?

- I gave them to a tramp.

You didn't even save one to bury me in?

- Who's going to turn out the lights?

- You're paying the bills. Leave them on.

- Come in.

- Come in.

I just thought I'd see if you were all right.

- I don't feel very good.

- No? What's the matter?

Fever, I guess. Deadly tropical fever.

- Your forehead isn't hot.

- Don't take your hand away.

Get some aspirin from the cabinet,

will you, Henry?

Let him get his own aspirin.

I don't feel any too well myself.

- Really, dear?

- No.

- Stick out your tongue.

- What's my tongue got to do with it?

- You held his head.

- Let me see your tongue.

You know your stomach always

goes bad first.

I'd be sick if I had that in my mouth.

- You're all right. Did you brush your teeth?

- Ask him if he brushed his.

Can I help it if somebody gave

my toothbrush to a tramp?

- The tramp wouldn't take it.

- Now, please don't quarrel.

We're very happy that Bill has come back.

Vicky!

- Good night, dear.

- Vicky.

Good night, dear.

Sleep tight.

Sleep tight!

You were in the guest room.

- I tucked them in.

- Oh, that's nice.

- Now what are they supposed to do?

- Sleep tight.

How simple. And to think I was worried.

But just to make sure...

You and your fake snore!

- May I ask what you had in mind?

- I simply wanted to talk to my wife.

- My wife.

- All right, our wife.

It's a fine state of affairs

when a man in his own apartment

- has to sneak down the hall...

- "Sneak" is a filthy word.

Oh, why do I stand here arguing with you?

- Lf you try to set foot in that room...

- I'll do what I want.

Right now I'm going to talk to Vicky,

and if you don't like it you can lump it.

- Her father would like to hear about this.

- Go ahead, tell him.

Darling, I have to talk to you.

I can't stand this any longer.

Let's leave everything

and go away someplace

where nobody ever heard of us.

Just you and I.

All I want is your love and the promise

that you'll be with me forever.

- Will you promise, dear? Please?

- No!

Come on to bed.

Peter!

- Well, good morning.

- Good morning.

- Good morning. I thought I'd better hurry.

- Good morning, honey.

Say, do you always come down

to breakfast looking like a tired matron?

- Just coffee, Peter.

- Yes, Mr. Lowndes.

Say, who said you could wear my best suit?

- Best suit? This rag?

- I did. Bill always looks so well in blue.

- Oh, and I don't, I suppose. Is that it?

- I didn't say that.

- The shoulders are a little tight.

- Tight, huh? It hangs on you in folds.

- Oh, I wasn't talking about the stomach.

- There's no need to belittle the suit.

Bill's only going to wear it until I take him

downtown this morning to buy his own.

You take him downtown,

while I work my head off?

- I'll go right with you.

- Listen...

What about the linotypers' strike?

You were going to leave me last night

to take care of that, remember?

- Well, that was different.

- Yes, wasn't it?

Listen to me! We've all slept tight and

you've had time to make up your mind.

Now, what have you decided?

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