Top Five Page #6

---

That's some real sh*t.

'Cause Tupac was headed for the Oscar.

Or Tupac would be

one of our political leaders.

Tupac might be a political leader,

if he was alive.

But then again, Tupac might be

in a Tyler Perry movie right now.

So you don't know.

- You don't know.

- You never know.

He might be... Tupac might be

the bad dark-skinned boyfriend

in a Tyler Perry movie.

I gotta agree

with that sh*t right there.

I would hope he's a senator.

But he might be kicking Jill Scott

down a flight of stairs.

Yo. Dre. Yo, Dre!

Who was the funniest?

I think I was the funniest.

I'm tight funny. Yeah.

Yeah? You ever do any stand-up?

Nah, nah, I'm like, you know...

I'm not stand-up funny,

I'm just, like, the funny dude.

Like, you know, put me in a scenario,

and I'll go buck wild.

I always been funnier than Dre!

When my ma's water broke, I was funny.

She went into labor, she wasn't crying,

she wasn't screaming.

She was laughing!

The doctor said,

"What's wrong with her?"

She said, "I'm having Fred."

I'm just saying... I'm just saying,

if it don't work out

with me and this nigga,

I'm gonna get me a white man.

Do you ever think about

how different your life would be

had you stayed together?

It just didn't work out.

I broke up with him.

Yeah. I'm happy where I'm at.

But you must think about it sometimes.

Every f***ing day.

I mean, girl,

I used to get mad at him

for playing PlayStation.

What kind of sh*t was that?

If I'd have known

how successful he was gonna be,

I woulda built him my own PlayStation.

Dre ain't funny.

You know who's funnier than Dre?

Nick Cannon.

That motherf***er hilarious.

Put your top five...

Who's your top five?

Slick Rick, Kane, Rakim,

KRS-One, and Biggie is my fifth man.

And Jay Z is my sixth man.

Would you write any jokes for him?

Yeah, I would, I would,

but, see, everything up here with mine.

My top five is Jay, Nas, Scarface...

Okay, okay.

Scarface, 'cause everybody

got their sh*t from Scarface.

- Rakim.

- Rakim.

Rakim, and then

I might let Biggie get in there.

Once his mother died, man,

it changed a lot.

He ain't even wanna be funny anymore.

He was like... He was a different Dre.

My top five. Ice-T...

- Ice-T?

- Ice motherfucking T!

Six in the mornin' police at my door

Fresh Adidas squeak

across the bathroom floor

We started drinking young, man,

we was like 12 years old.

We used to get O.E. cans,

and cut 'em out

and make gold teeth out of 'em.

My sixth man's LL Cool J.

Before the show! Before the show!

He was funnier drunk.

Everybody's funnier drunk.

You ever see Oprah drunk?

She's hysterical.

Once he stopped drinking,

once the nigga stopped getting oddy

with the 40s,

something was gone, like, 95% was gone.

This nigga was bugged out.

You think he funny now?

You should've seen him

in the pissy staircases.

This nigga was hilarious.

Dre, if I get married, man,

I'm gonna do the Suge Knight speech

at my wedding.

"If y'all don't want the preacher

all up in the wedding,

"the ring boy all up in the wedding,

come to Death Row!"

Good morning, Buffalo!

Wassup, San Antonio!

This is not another Hammy movie.

And it's about the Haitian revolution.

The greatest slave rebellion

of all time.

Slave rebellion.

It's when slaves rebel.

Taraji P. Henson,

Gabby Sidibe,

Anthony Anderson.

I play a guy named Dutty Boukman.

Yeah.

Well, I've been... I read up on him,

and I've been wanting to do this movie

for a long time.

Yeah, I just found

the story fascinating.

Yeah, well, this is the kind of stuff

I'm trying to get into now,

more serious stuff.

Yes, it's fun for the whole family.

It's educational.

Watch this dunk.

He splits the defenders...

And jams it home!

Yeah, yeah.

It's about the Haitian revolution.

Yeah, the Haitian revolution

was the largest slave uprising

in the Western Hemisphere.

Andre, I know

this party's gonna be crazy,

so if we don't get to talk to each other,

make sure you call me back.

I'll call you.

All right, now,

if my husband answers the phone,

don't hang up,

'cause he knows what time it is.

Now come here, give me a hug.

Hey, Dre, stay black, nigga!

Keep it one hundred!

You heard?

Don't forget where you came from, son!

You got that "I'm texting my boyfriend"

look on your face.

What's his name?

Brad.

So what's he do, Brad?

He's a D.J. He spins at Greenhouse

on Monday nights.

So, how old's he turning again?

- Thirty.

- Thirty.

Hey, man, 30's that birthday.

I remember when I turned 30.

30's scary.

You know,

30's that age where you realize,

"I gotta get my sh*t together.

"I could actually become homeless."

I mean, not Will-Smith-

Pursuit-of-Happyness homeless.

I mean, like blow-job-

in-the-bus-station homeless.

So, that's what you think?

He's deep in thought right now

about not being homeless?

If he's smart.

If he's not,

he won't think about it till he's 40.

Then it'll be too late.

- You okay?

- Is everybody okay?

My apologies.

Out! Let's get out.

- Let's get out of here.

- Gotta go.

What the hell? We can't just leave.

- Let's go, go, go.

- What are you doing?

- Let's go!

- Come on.

So, what, you're just leaving

the scene of an accident now?

I didn't have an accident.

My driver had an accident.

But if the person that hits us finds out

I was in the car, then they will sue me.

He's right in front of me.

- Not now... Not now, ma'am.

- I hope your dick falls off!

Where's Ralph at?

Get him over here right now.

You know,

if he wasn't clearing a path for you,

I'm sure she wouldn't

even have noticed you.

Is he always so bodyguardy?

"Bodyguardy"? That's a word?

You know what I mean.

Jay-Z is seen walking around

by himself all the time.

Yeah,

but Jay-Z's got a f***ing gun, okay.

That's Silk. That's my boy.

We've been together for, you know,

since third grade. He's seen a lot.

You think it's a game?

I'll kill you, motherf***er!

You think it's a game?

I'm not talking about firing him.

I'm just saying, this is New York,

and only people who wanna get paparazzi

roll with their bodyguard all the time.

But if you're too scared

to talk to me one-on-one

without your bodyguard,

your little security blanket,

I completely understand.

Hold on a second.

Okay, I got a new car coming.

It's gonna be about an hour, though.

We should hop on a cab

and head back over to XM,

and finish up all our

West Coast satellite stuff.

You know what?

I'm good.

Just meet me over at the junket,

all right?

What do you mean you're good?

Hey, Brad. It's me...

I'm gonna walk.

Outside?

Yeah.

It's a rough neighborhood,

you're gonna walk around by yourself?

You got an interview in 20 minutes.

Hey, man, I'm good.

Just text me the information, okay?

- You sure?

- Yeah, I'm sure. I'm good.

It's supposed to rain.

I got an umbrella right here.

I'm all right, man.

Silk, don't act like you don't know me.

- If you need me, text me!

- I'll text you!

- What's up?

- It's Angie.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes