Topsy-Turvy Page #10

---

But condemned to die is he,

Wretched meritorious B.

Mikado leads Katisha off.

Off, up the stairs...

Thus... the traditional Japanese posture...

...as adopted by well-meaning | but misguided underlings...

...upon the departure | of their august superiors.

- Thank you. | - Is that a recognised Japanese attitude?

Not as yet, Grossmith. But I have every | confidence that it will become one.

Much obliged.

I'm sure I've seen this | on a vase somewhere.

Jessie.

Thank you, Mr Gilbert.

Ha! A pretty picture! Eh, Seymour?

Charming, sir.

The Mikado has left. Grossmith.

Well... | another fine mess you've got us into.

No! My line is, | 'A nice mess you've got us into.'

And I should be much obliged | if you would play it "comme a".

Well... a nice mess you've got us into.

Righto, sir.

- Well... | - No! Well...

Well...

...a nice mess you've got us into...

...with your nodding head and | the deference due to a man of pedigree.

Mr Grossmith, | you are under sentence of death...

...by something lingering.

Either boiling oil or melted lead.

Kindly bear that in mind. Thank you.

Well, a nice mess you've got us into...

...with your nodding head and | the deference due to a man of pedigree.

Merely corroborative detail...

...intended to give artistic verisimilitude...

...to a bald and unconvincing narrative.

No, Barrington. An "otherwise" bald | and unconvincing narrative.

Was that incorrect? I do beg your pardon.

No, sir. It has only just occurred to me.

Oh! To an otherwise bald | and unconvincing narrative.

- Much better. | - Corrobatative detail indeed!

- Corroborative detail. | - Corrobatative.

- Corroborative. | - Corroborative.

- Corroborative. | - Corroborative.

Thank you.

Splendid!

Corroborative detail indeed!

Corroborative fiddlestick!

And "you're" just as bad as he is...

...with your cock-and-bull stories. | - Cock and "a" bull.

Cock and a bull about catching his eye.

- Line? | - And his whistling an air.

- And his whistling hair!

- Boiling oil, Grossmith. Melted lead. | - Beg pardon, sir.

About catching his eye, | and his whistling an air.

But that's so like you! | You must stick your oar in.

- You must put in your oar. | - Over again.

And "you're" just as bad as he is...

...with your cock-and-a-bull stories | about catching his eye...

...and his whistling an air.

But that's so like you. | You must put your oar in.

- You must put in your oar. | - Over again.

You're just as bad as he is, | with your cock-and-a-bull stories...

...about catching his eye | and his whistling an air!

But that's so like you. | You must put in your oar!

- But how about your big right arm? | - Yes, and your snickersnee.

Well, well, never mind that now.

There's only one thing to be done. | Nanki-Poo hasn't started yet.

He must come to life again at once!

Appear! Appear!

- # Appear!

Yes, now. Since Nanki-Poo | and Yum-Yum have decided...

...not to grace us with their presence...

...it would transpire, Mr Seymour, that | your moment of glory has finally arrived.

On your feet, slopkins!

Whence would you like us | both to enter, sir?

The honeymoon couple appear | at the upstage right entrance...

...travelling in a westerly direction | towards Knightsbridge.

But your journey is interrupted | by Mr Grossmith.

- Mr Gilbert. | - Jessie.

- Might I use my stick? | - By all means. Are you troubled?

I'm quite all right, thank you.

- Well, well. | - Well, well.

Well, well, never mind that now!

There's only one thing to be done.

Nanki-Poo hasn't started yet.

He must come to life again... at once!

- Here he comes.

'Ere... Nanki-Poo!

I've good news for you. You're reprieved.

I beg your pardon, Mr Gilbert. | I have failed to provide a valise.

Indeed, Seymour. And you have also | failed to provide two actors.

Pray continue.

Oh! But it's too late!

- I'm a dead man and I'm off...

...for my honeymoon.

Uncanny, is it not?

Mr Seymour, please inform Mr Lely that | his services will no longer be required.

Thank you very much, sir.

Nonsense!

A terrible thing has 'appened. | You're the son of the Mikado!

A terrible thing "has" happened! | You've become a cockney!

I thought one would suggest | something of his lowly station...

...being a cheap tailor and all.

Rubbish! We're in Japan, | not Stepney or Bow. Do it properly.

Oh. Very well.

Nonsense. A terrible thing has happened. | It seems you're the son of the Mikado.

Yes! But that happened some time ago.

Is this a time for airy persiflidge?

Persiflage, Grossmith.

- Is it? | - It is.

Is this a time for airy persiflage?

Doesn't sound right to me.

Persiflage, mirage, fromage.

- Decoupage. | - Exactly.

Your father is here...

...and with Ka-tisha.

- Katisha. | - It amuses me to say Ka-tisha.

It doesn't amuse me, Grossmith. | Nor does it scan.

My father? And with Katisha?!

Yes, he wants you particularly.

So does she.

- Ooh, but he's married now!

But bless my heart, | what has that to do with it?

Katisha claims me in marriage, but I can't | marry her because I'm married already.

Consequently, | she will insist on my execution...

...and if I'm executed, | my wife will have to be buried alive.

You see our difficulty.

- Yes, I don't know what's to be done. | - Make as to leave. Stop him.

There's one chance for you.

If you could persuade | Katisha to marry you...

...she would have no further claim on me.

And in that case, I could come to life | without any fear of being put to death.

I? Marry Katisha?

I really think it's the only course.

My good girl, have you seen her? | She's something awful.

- Appalling. | - Something appalling.

Ah... that's only her "face".

Ah, that's "only" her face.

She has a left elbow | which people come miles to see.

I'm told her right heeeeel | is much admired by connoisseuuuurs.

Could we do that line again, Barrington? | This time, try it in English.

I'm told her right heel | is much admired by connoisseurs.

That better, sir?

Marginally.

My good sir, I decline to pin my heart | upon any lady's right heel.

Make as to leave.

Stop him.

It comes to this. While Katisha is single, | I prefer to be a disembodied spirit.

When Katisha is married...

...existence will be as welcome | as the flowers in spring.

Tra la.

Very good. Over again, if you please.

- And!

Thank you, gentlemen.

Not surprisingly...

...we were somewhat foxed | by the abbreviated, er... restatement.

Er... letter A.

Discord bordering on cacophony. | Second fiddles?

- Indeed, Sir Arthur. | - My mistake. I do beg your pardon.

- My error, sir. | - I suspect we were a trifle early.

Indeed you were, Mr Harris. | And more than a trifle.

I really don't mind whose mistake...

...it was, Mr Plank, | as long as it doesn't happen again.

The entry is on the third beat of the bar, | not the first. I think that's quite clear.

- Yes, sir. | - It is, sir, yes.

Very good.

And now, we return to Mr Hurley.

- Good morning, Mr Hurley! | - Good morning, Doctor Sullivan.

Rate this script:2.0 / 2 votes