Topsy-Turvy Page #5

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So terribly trying.

When I meet a gentleman, | he invites me to supper.

I mention my little... secret...

...and then he's off, quick smart.

C'est impossible!

You shouldn't reveal your secret...

...until he's fallen in love | with you and has proposed!

Oh, Jessie, for goodness' sake!

By the by, "monsieur", | you do realise I have a little boy?

I couldn't possibly pretend | that Stanton doesn't exist. No.

No, he's my precious little bundle.

- How's his toothache? | - Earache.

He suffers terribly, poor mite.

- Shall I lace you up now, Miss Bond? | - Of course, Emily.

Surely your Mr Barnes would be willing?

Mr Baker. Jessie, please!

I do not intend | to become a widow again before I'm 50.

No. Neither do I.

# No doubt, yet spite of all your pains

# The interesting fact remains

- Come in.

#... a little boy

# He was a little boy

Five minutes, Miss Braham.

- Thank you, Shrimp. | - Pleasure, miss.

# But soft, they waken one by one

# The spell has worked

# The deed is done

# I would suggest that we retire

# While Love, the housemaid

# Lights her kitchen fire

# While Love, the housemaid

# Lights her kitchen fire

# Why

# Where be oi

# And what be oi a-doin'

# A-sleepin' out just when

# The dew do rise?

# Why, that's the very way | your 'ealth to ruin

# And don't seem | quite respectable likewise

# 'Ey, that's you

# Only think of that now

# What may you be at now?

# Tell me do

# 'Ey, what a nose

# And oh, what eyes, miss

# Lips like a rose

# And cheeks likewise, miss

# Oi'll tell you true

# Which I never done, sir

# Oi like you

# As oi never liked none, sir.

# 'Ey, but I do

# Like you

- Morning, Carte. | - Good morning, Gilbert.

- Cigar? | - Thank you.

- Gilbert. | - Sullivan. May I?

- Certainly. | - Morning, D'Oyly.

- Good morning, Miss Lenoir. | - Good morning.

Good day, Helen.

Now, gentlemen. | We all know why we're here.

We seem to have come | to something of a standstill.

- Indeed we have. | - Which, Arthur, is because...

Oh.

Because, Helen...

...I am unable to set the piece | that Gilbert persists in presenting.

The piece I persist in presenting | is substantially altered each time.

Otherwise there'd be little point | in my presenting it to you.

With respect, old chap, | it is not substantially altered at all.

You seem merely to have grafted | on to the first act...

...the tantalising suggestion | that we are to be in the realms of...

...human emotion and probability...

...only to disappoint us by reverting to | your familiar world of Topsy-Turvydom.

That which I have grafted on to Act One, | Sullivan, has been at your request.

But if you take exception | to Topsy-Turvydom...

...you take exception to a great deal | of my work of the past 25 years.

Not to mention much of what you and I | have written together since 1871.

- That is patent balderdash! | - Is it?

Gentlemen, if we might keep things | cordial, we may make some progress.

Arthur, can you really not see | your way to setting this new piece?

- Alas, Helen, I cannot. | - Cannot or will not?

I am truly unable to set any piece | that is so profoundly uncongenial to me.

Uncongenial though it may be to you...

...I must remind you that we here | are conducting a business.

May I remind you, Helen, | that I am not a machine.

I would not suggest for one moment | that you were.

You all seem to be treating me | as a barrel organ.

You have but to turn my handle...

...and out pops a tune! | - That's not strictly true.

- Arthur. | - Come now, that's unfair.

You are both contractually obliged | to supply a new work on request.

The very act of signing a joint contract | dictates that we must be businesslike.

Yes, Mr Gilbert.

And I was wondering whether "you" might | be able to solve our wee difficulty.

- How, pray? | - By simply writing another libretto.

It's out of the question. I have worked | for many long months at this play...

...which I have every confidence will be | the best we have produced at the Savoy.

To abandon it would be | both criminal and wasteful.

I see.

Had the complaint been lodged earlier, | that might have been different.

I did so when you presented the libretto.

I was unable to present you | with the libretto...

...until you returned from your grand tour!

- That is neither here nor there. | - No, Sullivan. Indeed.

I was here and you were there. Ha!

What I don't understand, Arthur...

...is why you cannot set this piece.

You're our greatest composer. | Surely you can do anything?

How very kind you are, Helen.

But I say again to you all, | I am at the end of my tether.

I have been repeating myself in this... | class of work for too long...

...and I will not continue so to do.

Neither of us runs any risk | of repeating himself.

This is an entirely new story, | quite unlike any other.

It's markedly similar to "The Sorcerer".

People say we're repeating ourselves.

How is it similar to "The Sorcerer"?

Obviously both involve characters...

...who are transformed | by the taking of a magic potion.

A device which I continue to find | utterly contrived.

Every theatrical performance is | a contrivance by its very nature.

Yes, but this piece consists entirely | of an artificial and implausible situation.

If you wish to write a grand opera | about a prostitute...

...dying of consumption in a garret...

...I suggest you contact Mr lbsen in Oslo.

I'm sure he can furnish you | with something suitably dull.

- Gilbert, please. | - Hmm?

I do beg your pardon, Miss Lenoir.

Oh, no. Granted.

The opportunity to treat a situation | of tender, human and dramatic interest...

...is one I long for | more than anything else in the world.

If that is your sincere desire, I would | be willing, with Carte's permission...

...to withdraw my services | whilst you write a grand opera...

...with a collaborator | with whom you have more affinity.

- No, Gilbert. | - I'm in earnest, Sullivan.

No doubt we shall be pursuing that | in the future.

Indeed.

Well, that is your prerogative, Carte.

However, we are concerned | with the present.

Arthur. Will you or will you not set | Mr Gilbert's new and original work?

Ma belle Hlne:
Ce n'est pas possible.

Truly?

I'm afraid so.

That being the case... Mr Gilbert...

Am I right to suppose that | you remain unable to accommodate us?

Indeed, Miss Lenoir.

I have had what I deem | to be a good idea...

...and such ideas are not three a penny.

What a pity.

This will be a very sad day | for many thousands of people.

Well, gentlemen, I don't know about you...

...but speaking for myself, | I could murder a pork chop.

If you'll excuse me, I shall retrieve my hat.

- Gilbert. | - Sullivan.

Good day to you both.

No doubt we shall be in communication | in the near future.

- Good day, Mr Gilbert. | - Good day.

You know where to find me.

Arthur.

- Where have you been? | - Shopping.

Surprising(!)

I was in Knightsbridge... | and guess what I saw?

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