Topsy-Turvy Page #6

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An elephant gilding two lilies.

- No. | - I have no idea.

Three tiny Japanese ladies!

- How do you know they were Japanese? | - They had on their funny dressing gowns.

Had they just got up?

No, there's a Japanese exhibition | at Humphreys' Hall.

Oh, yes. Japanese village of some sort.

Yes! Yes, sounds rather intriguing. | Might we visit?

- No. | - But the whole of London will be going!

- Precisely! | - Don't be so stubborn!

I have other things on my mind, | you know that!

Yes, I do know that and I understand...

...but a little distraction will do you good.

- Kitty, I don't want to be distracted. | - Yes, you do.

Oh, do I? You know my mind | better than I do, do you?

I know you better than you think I do.

Lucy, if you wish to visit Humphreys' Hall, | by all means do so...

...but I shall not accompany you | for all the tea in China.

What are you writing, sir?

- Good afternoon, Lucy. | - Maude!

Good heavens! What are you doing here?

- How are you, Schwenck? | - How jolly! You must join us.

Unfortunately, we're about to leave.

- Oh, what a pity. | - What do you make of it all?

- It's entrancing. | - It's frightful.

- How's Mother? | - Quite well.

She's in bed.

Come along, Maude.

- We mustn't keep you. Good day to you. | - Give her my best.

Of course.

- Well... "au revoir". | - Good day, Maude.

Au revoir.

- My goodness! | - Mmm.

Perfectly green.

- Spinach water. | - Oh, Willie!

Thank you very much.

Shikuspen, prease.

- I beg your pardon? | - Shikuspen, prease.

- She speaks English! | - What did she say?

She said, "Sixpence, please"!

- Shikuspence, prease. | - Oh, sixpence!

- Arigato gozaimasu.

Shixpence, prease.

Here we are, sir.

- There, Pidgeon. | - Very good, sir.

Comme a.

Yes, sir.

Show it to me.

To your right.

More... Good. Down a bit.

Down a bit... There.

- Mark it there. | - Yes, sir.

- Give it to me. | - Thank you, sir.

That's a fine-looking instrument, sir.

Now, would that be Spanish or Italian?

- Neither, Pidgeon. | - Er, of course, sir.

- Excellent! Thank you. | - Thank you, sir.

Do we suppose that Lucy is... with child?

- I beg your pardon, Mama? | - Lucy.

Is she "enceinte"? With child?

Why ever would you think that?

One wouldn't have said she was sickly.

Although... she did ask after "you", Mama.

What did he say?

- Who? | - Schwenck!

He said nothing, Mama! Nothing!

Nothing! Absolutely nothing!

Your dear son said very little.

And what he did say, | I have already told you.

Now...

Do you care for this or not?

It is merely a piece of wood.

Very well. I shall keep it for my collection.

- Maude! | - Yes, Mama?

Never bear a humorous baby.

I shall endeavour not to, Mama.

# Behold the Lord High Executioner

# A personage of noble rank and title

# A dignified and potent officer

# Whose functions are particularly vital

# Defer! Defer!

# To the Lord High Executioner

# Defer! Defer!

# To the noble Lord, to the noble Lord

# To the Lord High Executioner

# Taken from the county jail

# By a set of curious chances

# Liberated then on bail

# On my own recognisances

# Wafted by a favouring gale

# As one sometimes is in trances

# To a height that few can scale

# Save by long and weary dances

# Surely never had a male

# Under suchlike circumstances

# So adventurous a tale

# Which may rank with most romances

# Taken from the county jail

# By a set of curious chances

# Surely never had a male

# So adventurous a tale

"The Mikado, or the town of Titipu."

"Act One."

"Scene:
Courtyard of | Ko-Ko's palace in Titipu."

"Japanese nobles discovered | standing and sitting...

...in attitudes suggested | by native drawings."

"Chorus:
'If you want to know who we are | We're gentlemen of Japan.'"

"'On many a vase and jar, | on many a screen and fan

we figure in lively paint, | our attitudes queer and quaint.'"

"'You're wrong if you think it ain't.'"

"'If you think we are worked by strings | like a Japanese marionette,

you don't understand these things -

it's simply Court etiquette.'"

"'Perhaps you suppose this throng | can't keep it up all day long.'"

"'If that's your idea, you're wrong.'"

"Enter Nanki-Poo, in great excitement."

"He carries a native guitar on his back | and a bundle of ballads in his hand."

"Recitative, Nanki-Poo."

"'Gentlemen, I pray you, tell me...

...where a lovely maiden dwelleth | named Yum-Yum, the ward of Ko-Ko.'"

"'In pity speak, oh, speak, I pray you.'"

"'I hurried back at once | in the hope of finding Yum-Yum...

...at liberty to listen to my protestations.'"

"Pish-Tush:
'It is true that Ko-Ko | was condemned to death for flirting...

...but he was reprieved | at the last moment...

...and raised to the exalted rank | of Lord High Executioner...

...under the following | remarkable circumstances.'"

"Song, Pish-Tush."

"'Our great Mikado, virtuous man,

When he to rule our land began

Resolved to try a plan whereby

Young men might best be steadied.'"

"'So he decreed in words succinct

That all who flirted, leered or winked

Unless connubially linked

Should forthwith be beheaded.'"

"'And I expect you'll all agree | That he was right to so decree.'"

"'And I am right, and you are right,

And all is right as right can be.'"

"'This stern decree, you'll understand,

Caused great dismay | throughout the land,

For young and old and shy and bold

Were equally affected.'"

"'The youth who winked a roving eye

Or breathed a non-connubial sigh

Was thereupon condemned to die.'"

"'He usually objected.'"

"'And you'll allow, as I expect, | That he was right to so object,

And I am right, and you are right

And everything is quite correct.'"

"'And so we straight let out on bail

A convict from the county jail

Whose head was next on some pretext, | Condemn-ed to be mown off,

And made him Headsman, for we said:

Who's next to be decapit-ed

Cannot cut off another's head | Until he's cut his own off.'"

"'And we are right, I think you'll say, | To argue in this kind of way,

And I am right, and you are right,

And all is right - too-loorallay!'"

"Chorus. End of song."

Highly amusing, Willie.

- Fatuous. | - Oh.

Surely Arthur likes it?

He hasn't said otherwise.

It certainly is rich | in human emotion and probability.

Hardly.

"Enter Pooh-Bah."

- It's a tragedy. | - It is.

Che bruto.

Absolutely. He simply hasn't | played with a straight bat.

- Who's that? | - His Majesty the Mahdi.

- Oh, yes. | - No, it just isn't cricket.

Quite so. It's completely contrary | to the rules of engagement.

The man was surrounded on all sides | and massacred mercilessly.

"What full fortune | doth the thick lips owe."

- What does that mean? | - Philistine.

It baffles me that you're baffled, | Barrington.

The Hottentot in the desert | doesn't play cricket.

His natural habitation | being the jungly-bungly tree...

...he is as yet hardly able | to walk upright, don't you know?

We strive to bring them civilisation...

...and this is their gratitude.

Did you know that 56 families were | slaughtered on the Island of Skye?

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