Trailer Park Boys: Countdown To Liquor Day Page #10

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I'm sexy, aren't I?

I'm a lot more sexy than Randy,

and you know that.

Randy?

Julian said he loved me.

But he was lying, don't trust him.

He was lying, and I'm flying!

Boys, what are we gonna do?

He's gonna f***ing jump!

He's not gonna jump, Jim!

I do love you, but just as a friend!

Not enough, Julian! Not enough.

Guys...

He's gonna jump.

Good luck, buddies.

Here's a little drinky-poo for you!

Have a good life, sh*t weasel!

Julian, if he jumps,

that's gonna be on your head.

He's not gonna jump.

He's looking for attention.

And we're millionaires now.

We don't go up, and f***ing

save drunken lunatics--

Guys, guys! He's gonna jump!

I'm gonna go up, and talk to him.

Wait in the van for 4 minutes.

If I'm not back,

head back to Sunnyvale.

I'll meet you there.

Are you f***ing kidding me?

You really are in love with him.

I'm not... f***ing in love with him.

Get in the van. This is unbelievable.

I hope you're f***ing happy about this.

Get the f*** in the van. In the van.

Jim!

Hi, Julian.

What are you doin'?

Randy told me.

He said that you and him were dating.

We're not dating.

He's just workin' for me.

So, you don't love him?

No!

Say you love me, Julian.

Just tell me one time

before I jump.

Lie to me.

I can't.

Is there ever a chance

that you could love me?

No.

Hurry the f*** up!

We've got 2 minutes!

The bottle's empty, Julian.

I'm flying out of here!

Wait!

Just one more drink...

out of my glass before you go.

Thanks, Julian.

My last drink.

I finally did it! I quit drinking!

Julian... Julian, you tricked me!

Holy sh*t!

Gimme that.

Listen, why didn't you let me jump?

Just shut the f*** up!

What are you talking about?

You love me, don't you!

We're doing a robbery right now.

You take this, you gotta stay calm.

Act normal.

No problem, Julian.

Act normal, right?

What is he doin'?

What the f***, boys! Just go!

All right, put this on,

and get the f*** out of here.

Julian, I got something

in my underwear I want you to see.

What?

It's a contract.

You're gonna sign it

before you go anywhere.

Randy, get out here

and deal with this.

You promise?

No time for underwear contracts.

We need to leave.

Holy sh*t, guys... Good luck.

Money cops...

Stop right there!

Stay calm.

Don't worry, they're dumb.

They're gonna shoot.

No, they're not gonna shoot.

Stop!

Let's all relax, guys!

Okay, let's smoke a big joint.

I got some really nice hash right here.

A camera marker.

What the f*** are you doing?!

Go to your van!

We need cover over here! Help us!

Are you okay? It's just a fat wound.

Don't let me die, Ricky.

You're not gonna die.

Stay low.

Okay, okay...

Get him in the van! Hurry up!

Come on, Randy.

We gotta go! We gotta go!

Just drive normal, Julian. Don't do

anything to draw attention to us.

Come on, get us out of here.

I don't hear any cops.

F***, it's Lahey.

Pull over! I wanna take Randy

to the hospital!

It's just a fat wound!

Get the f*** out of here!

Randy, are you okay?

Come on!

Give it some gas!

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

Ricky,

let me do this.

Ricky. I'm gonna be ruined.

You just get back in the car.

You don't have no idea.

If I don't get the f***ing sewer

line in, I lose everything.

This is what has to happen right now.

because you're f***ing everything up.

Go to a bar, have a couple of drinks.

leave us alone, please!

Ricky...

There. You can't have it signed now.

We're on now, bud.

I'm in charge of...

I'll be ahead of you.

Stay away from us.

You can't run far enough.

You can't run fast enough.

You guys are f***ed.

I'm in charge now.

We're the f*** out of here.

F*** off, leave us alone!

What the f*** are you doing?!

How you doin', Ricky!

I'm livin' the dream, bud!

Sh*t... I'm livin' the dream.

But first, I gotta take a little piss.

Get us out of his piss arc!

You wanna start a little piss war,

Lahey?

Go ahead, piss on us!

I'm going to piss on him, Julian.

Take the wheel.

What? Ricky!

Boys, the cops are behind us.

I'm not stoppin'. I'm not stopping.

Speed it up!

Pull up to him, Bubbles! Steady it!

Ricky, what the f*** are you doing?

Sh*t!

F***! Ricky!

I'm gonna work up

another f***ing piss, Ricky!

You're in f***ing sh*t.

Gimme that f***ing bottle,

you son of a b*tch!

Look what you've done!

Mr. Lahey. I'm not going to make it!

Take the money!

What the f***?

See you in jail, boys!

Hey, camera d*cks, look out!

Sorry, boys. I rolled her.

Cock!

All right, everybody

just f***ing relax here, okay?

It's just a big misunderstanding,

there's a guy... F*** off!

There's a guy in his underwear

that's f***ing around peeing on people.

Easy!

Let go of my drink.

This is f***ing too much.

You can't do this kind of sh*t

to regular people like us.

It's the guy in the underwear you want!

Not us!

F***ing Jesus...

We didn't even cause this, guys.

We didn't even cause this.

Okay, boys,

I'm arresting you for robbery,

resisting arrest,

public urination...

Who the f*** is that?

My f***! It's you!

What are you talking about?

You're the f***ing undercover

drunk male prostitute!

Grand larceny, public intoxication...

You are f***ing drunk right now.

Will you stop it...

This guy's drunk.

He's reading us our rights

f***ing drunk.

Reckless endangerment.

Who's drunk?

I want him checked.

Smell him!

Do the breath thing to him.

You know he's f***ed up.

No. I'm not drunk.

Yes, you're drunk.

This is gonna be good for our f***ing

hearing tomorrow.

I told you I'm not drunk!

Hey!

I had one lousy drink!

Yeah, buddy!

It's not our fault!

It's this documentary crew!

Look at this guy!

With the microphone in his hand!

Somebody arrest...

And this f***ing camera dick,

right here!

You f***ing guys caused this accident.

We didn't do sh*t! We didn't do sh*t!

What the f*** is this van right here?

You caused the f***ing accident!

Told you not to come in the bank.

I don't know if you heard the news,

but we're getting out of here in

like 2 weeks, they f***ed up:

the arresting officer was drunk,

which we can prove now.

And our lawyer said

we got a really really good chance.

So, I guess we'll see you guys

in 2 weeks.

But I recommend not following us

around if you know what I mean.

Yeah, guys, when we get out

in 2 weeks, could you...

please f*** off with the cameras.

Please?

Yes. I created a programme called

Cats For Inmates.

I contacted the jail outreach programme.

and we are able to bring in a bunch

of cats from the shelter

to come and play

with the people in jail.

And, yeah! It's been this huge success.

I hear, you know?

Apparently, there's been

a lot more cooperation

amongst the inmates.

and they're really enjoying

their time with the cats.

I know. I... I'm really happy about it.

Jenny's just a fantastic girl.

She said she's gonna wait for me

to get out of jail.

and she wants to go on a date.

So, I might. I don't know if she...

wants to be my girlfriend or not,

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