Trailer Park Boys: Countdown To Liquor Day Page #5

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and you hooked it to Julian.

Pretend I'm Julian, okay?

So, you hooked it to Julian.

Okay.

You're startin' your dreams...

off Julian's battery.

You see? See what I'm saying?

What you gotta do, Rick.

what you gotta do is take

this f***ing positive cable

that's been on Julian's battery,

and you hook it there.

Feel it now?

Now, start it up.

You are totally f***ing right.

You're out of here.

Go.

Look. Dad, you just make everything

make so much sense.

I mean, Julian's thing

wasn't working out.

I gotta do something for me,

and my dad's totally right.

I'm not gonna let

Julian boss me around.

So... I'll help him out

when I have time,

but I'm doin' my own business now.

I came to this neighbourhood.

My dad told me to come here.

There's green bins everywhere,

it's green bin day.

And these people live in these houses.

you can take whatever

you want from them,

and they don't care,

as long as you be nice to them,

they think you're not a criminal.

Ricky, just... hang on!

Check these out, Bubs!

Oh, my God!

Those are not f***ing around.

They're not f***ing around!

Hi, little fella.

It's gonna totally work.

How much loot

is it going to haul in, though?

Quite a bit, I think, and if it does,

the first thing I'm doing, buddy,

is helping you with your cats.

Don't worry about them.

It's awesome and everything,

but how long is it gonna take.

Time is... you know...

It's gonna take some time.

My f***ing head is driving me nuts!

Do you ever get your head

like when it just won't shut up,

and it keeps talking to itself, and...

it's killing me.

So I started studying, and my dad,

it's just yap, yap, yap!

F***, what is that?

That's thinking.

It's what?

Thinking. You're thinking.

You know, your brain's probably

using parts

that have never been used.

That's all that is?

Yeah! It's good!

Well, one of the thinks I had was that

you could help me with this,

and help me study, and I'll cut you in.

We'd be like a team.

You'll cut me in on this

if I help you study?

It's a f*** of a lot better

than what's going on over there.

Look.

Deal.

Jesus, look at Randy's head.

The marker hasn't faded at all.

He looks like a goddamn weevil.

Hey, Julian.

Hey, Bubbles.

How's it going, Jimmy?

Good. Nice to see you.

This is it! Full-treated sun deck

with a lifetime guarantee.

Piss shack will be going in

in 2 days. Check this out.

Full cathedral ceiling.

Hallelujah

Vinyl mullions in all the windows,

and you won't believe this kitchen.

You've got oak veneer panelling

on the doors.

We got matching ebony microwave,

and a dishwasher which Bo-Bandy

installed this morning.

Good work. Bo-Bandy.

Full electric heating.

You have laundry, second entrance.

and a beautiful master bedroom

with a bathroom ensuite.

But this is the piece de resistance.

Tadam!

Full complementary bar.

Let me freshen your drink,

will you, Julian?

Where did you get that picture

of Julian, Mr. Lahey?

Bubbles, if you wanna drop over,

and see me later,

I might have a little deal for you, too.

Randy, contract.

Julian, strike while the iron's hot.

What do you think?

It's a nice trailer, and...

it's really nice.

Great. Sign right here.

I still have one problem.

What about my business?

What about your business?

I just opened it.

Julian. I can give you 6 months

for your rent here.

I'll sweeten the pot. Look!

We could set your business up

next door if you want to.

Yeah, but then, I'll be paying lot

fees over there and lot fees here.

Julian, step outside.

There's something I gotta show you.

Look at this wonderful side yard.

This is f***ing nice.

It's f***ing nice, all right.

Come on, Rick!

What?

Come on, hurry up!

Just gimme a second here.

You should've let me go first.

I paid 4 grand for this car,

you know.

Yeah?

It's appraised for 7.

Well, that's good, Julian.

How about I unload it,

and give you the cash,

so you can put it towards your cats

to get them out?

Really?

Yeah.

That would be awesome, but...

I know what this limited edition

Monte Carlo SS means to you.

Bubs, your cats mean way more to me

than this limited edition Monte Carlo SS

that's in mint condition.

You mean more to me.

I love you, you big goof.

I love you too, Julian.

I think Julian...

really likes that trailer.

He said he wasn't even going to move.

He said he was stayin'.

Yeah, but that was what he said,

Randy, but he didn't mean that.

Look, if you'd saw his body language.

You should've seen him.

I saw him. He was just doing...

I... I saw it. He said he's staying.

Randy... he's playing sexy hardball

with us.

I think we should have a little drink

to celebrate--

Just a little sip of beer. One sip.

You can't be serious.

Yeah.

Just one sip.

This is real beer with alcohol in it.

It's organic beer, Randy!

Just one beer. Look, I'm never going

back on the hard liquor. Just...

Look. Celebratory sip.

It's alcohol!

It's...

Randy, it doesn't count.

Beer and coolers don't count.

Randy, my problem's with hard liquor.

It's not with beer.

Look, the... Just let it go.

Let it go.

It's just been a countdown

to liquor day, hasn't it?

A**hole...

One f***ing sip is all I wanted.

You're a f***ing alcoholic!

You're a prick.

down the toilet.

Liquor makes me think, Randy!

Liquor makes me think, Randy!

This is whack, dog.

What do you mean, man?

This is bullish. It's greasy.

It's amateur hour.

I thought you were down

with the program?

Bubs, you gonna be okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

All right, well,

talk to you in a bit, man.

All right, let's get this over with.

T. I changed my mind.

I'm not feeling this, dog.

What are you talkin' about?

Not feeling it, dog.

Some weird sh*t's gonna go down.

I'm not feeling it.

Look, man, you just need to relax.

You need to calm down, man.

Everything's gonna be all right.

It ain't gonna be all right.

And it ain't worth f***ing up

my career up, dog.

It ain't worth it. We should bust.

Look, we just need to do this,

we'll go home and get a few drinks.

There's gonna be a lot of hos out

tonight.

I don't give a f***. I'm gonna bust.

You bustin' with me?

Sorry, dog.

I'm out.

We don't have all f***ing night here,

guys.

T, what the f*** is going on?

He's backing out, man!

What, he's bailing?

Yeah, man.

Come on, let's burn it.

Go, Ricky!

Ricky, your trunk's on fire.

I know! Don't be a p*ssy, man!

It'll just burn itself out.

Did you clean the onion ring crumbs

out of the bed?

Yes. I cleaned the onion rings

out of the friggin' bed.

You're not gonna eat those goddamn

onion rings for breakfast again?

Just shut up.

and just let me eat breakfast?

You're getting all greasy.

You've never been this fat

before in your life! Stand up.

No.

Stand up.

Jeez...

You're sucking it in. Let it hang out.

God! This is disgusting.

You don't want to go to Cuba

with that greasy boiler, do you?

I don't wanna go to Cuba.

They don't even have any f***ing dope.

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