Trainwreck Page #10

GORDON:

How’s work?

AMY:

Work’s great actually. I think I’mgoing to get that editor spot.

Aaron’s been pushing me to thinkbigger. Can I just do this?

Amy zips it for him.

AMY (CONT’D)

Aaron was telling me about thisacupuncturist. He said she’s helpeda lot of his patients with painmanagement. He wants her to take alook at you, would you do that?

GORDON:

I have no desire for some Oriental

woman to touch me above the waist.

AMY:

Don't say that. That’s disgusting.

Say Asian.

GORDON:

Why does Aaron all of a sudden knoweverything about everything?

AMY:

He is a doctor. He knows something.

GORDON:

He’s a sports doctor, he’s not areal doctor, let’s face it. A real

doctor tries to cure diseases, he’s

trying to get courtside seats to

the playoffs.

75.

AMY:

You’re saying sports doctors aren’treal doctors?

GORDON:

Yeah. When they say what do youwant to focus on, I want to focus

on MS, cancer, what about you? Iwant to focus on whatever gets meclosest to men’s locker rooms. I

want giant, athletic penises closeto my face, while I’m pretending tolook at their knees.

AMY:

He’s a good doctor and does a lotwith Doctors Without Borders.

GORDON:

I'm not saying he’s not a good guy,

but he’s got about a month leftbefore you give him the boot,

right?

AMY:

What does that mean?

GORDON:

He’s a reaction from the muscle

bound knucklehead so now you go forthe nerdy brainiac, I know how your

pattern works. It’s my pattern.

AMY:

I really like him. I want you to benice to him and take it seriously.

Will you do that? I think we have areal shot.

GORDON:

You sound like a Lifetime movie.

One of the happy ones, not themurder ones.

AMY:

Don’t you want me to be happy?

GORDON:

You’re building him up and you’regonna let yourself up for a big

fall. He’s gonna break your heart.

76.

AMY:

I’m leaving. I’ll talk to youlater. I’ll tell Temembe to come

get you.

Amy exits.

GORDON:

Amy. Don’t leave like this. I don’tlike it when you don’t talk to mefor a while.

EXT. OUTSIDE KIM’S HOUSE - DAY

Amy and Aaron walk toward a suburban house. They are dressednicely.

AMY:

Thanks for doing this with me.

AARON:

I want to be doing this with you.

INT. KIM’S LIVING ROOM - DAY

KIDS running around. Couples strewn throughout the room.

AMY:

Girl!

KIM:

Girl!

AARON:

Hi, I’m Aaron.

KIM:

I’m Kim, so nice to meet you.

AARON:

Nice to meet you. You’re Tom.

TOM:

Hey man, how are you? Hey Amy.

AMY:

Hey. Congrats on trapping my sister

with your seed.

TOM:

Not all sex ends with a flush and a

cry.

77.

AMY:

That’s killer.

EXT. KIM’S BACKYARD - DAY

The MEN stand outside around the grill.

AARON:

I haven’t been to a baby shower in

years.

TOM:

So glad you made it.

AARON:

Congratulations man.

KEVIN:

I hear you work with athletes?

They all try and hide the fact that they are freaking out.

They all start almost circling Aaron.

AARON:

Yes. I’m a physician and a surgeon.

I mostly work with the Knicks right

now. And other athletes.

KYLE:

Really? Which ones?

TIM:

Specifically which athletes?

AARON:

Tom Brady.

TIM:

Any other athletes that you workwith?

AARON:

Jay Cutler.

KEVIN/TOM/TIM/KYLEWhoa.

AARON:

Do you guys follow tennis? RogerFederer.

TIM:

Whoa.

78.

Tim and Tom high five.

AARON:

Robert Griffin, Chris Paul, CP3.

The guys are all thrilled.

AARON (CONT’D)

Alex Rodriguez.

TIM:

F*** that guy!

Silence.

AARON:

Clayton Kershaw.

The guys are all excited again.

KEVIN/TOM/TIM/KYLEWhoa.

INT. KIM’S LIVING ROOM - DAY

WENDY:

He’s great Amy.

LISA:

Yeah, where’d you find him?

AMY:

Through work.

LISA:

You two are cute together.

WENDY:

You would have the most perfectbabies.

KAT:

I could just eat you up.

AMY:

Yeah, it seems a little early forthis kind of talk.

LISA:

It’s not. My life did not beginuntil I had kids. You’re life has

not begun.

79.

AMY:

You know I’m pretty happy right

now.

LISA:

Aaron do you want a family?

AARON:

Yeah. I think I’d like to have two

by the time I’m forty.

TIM:

Two is tight.

WENDY:

If I were you, I would start havingthem as soon as possible.

INT. KIM AND TOM’S HOUSE - DINING ROOM - DAY

Kim walks Amy into the dining room. Pours her a drink.

AMY:

He wants to have two kids like

right now.

KIM:

Amy! People talk about that.

AMY:

Not really. I don’t know anyonethat talks about that.

KIM:

He’s great. I really like him.

AMY:

Can you tell the members ofHeaven’s Gate in there to relax?

He’s too nice.

KIM:

He’s not too nice.

AMY:

Yes he is. He’s too nice for me,

You know it.

KIM:

He’s the perfect amount of nice youdeserve.

80.

AMY:

There’s dealbreakers with him

across the board. The sex is good.

Really good. Like great. But it’snot the best I’ve ever had.

KIM:

You don’t want best sex you’ve everhad guy.

AMY:

No, no you want to stay with thebest you’ve ever had guy.

KIM:

No you don’t. That’s a creepy guy.

Best sex you’ve ever had guy is injail.

AMY:

Yeah, but I’ve been thinking aboutmaybe reaching out to him.

KIM:

Stop it. Breathe. It’s fine, he’s

great.

Amy thinks about this. Allister walks up to Kim.

ALLISTER:

Mother, if I kiss the belly hardenough, will the baby feel it?

KIM:

You wanna try?

Allister kisses her belly.

KIM (CONT’D)

I think the baby did feel it.

Allister is happy, walks away.

AMY:

No.

INT. KIM’S LIVING ROOM - DAY

Aaron and Tom are in the living room talking. Kevin standsthere listening uncomfortably.

AARON:

Kim’s great, man.

81.

TOM:

Amy’s great too by the way. Butkeep her away from those proathletes.

Tom laughs. Aaron doesn’t.

AARON:

What does that mean?

TOM:

Oh, no. That was a joke. Like thatshe would sleep with them.

AARON:

I don’t get the joke.

TOM:

Those are the kinds of jokes shetells. Like I’m loose. I’m a whore.

AARON:

That’s my girlfriend.

TOM:

It’s not my joke. Those are thekind of joke she tells which I’mnot for at all. I’m always likedon’t tell these kinds of jokes.

And then she does. Forget I saidanything. Just drag that one to thetrash and empty trash.

INT. KIM AND TOM’S HOUSE - SIDE ROOM

WENDY:

Okay, so the game is skeletons inthe closet. We all have to admit

something we’ve never told anyonebefore. I’ll start. Sometimes after

Kyle falls asleep, I get up and eatSkinny Cow ice cream pops.

Sometimes a box of them. That

doesn’t leave this room.

LISA:

Wendy! You should be asleep!

KIM:

That’s a whole regular size icecream if you eat the whole box.

82.

WENDY:

I know, I know! Your turn.

LISA:

Last week I let my six year old

watch Glee.

KAT:

Too soon!

KIM:

That show is very racy.

LISA:

There were some homosexual

undertones, I will say that. There

were two girls kissing in this

episode. And I haven’t even

explained to them what gay people

are.

AMY:

Uh, they’re people.

WENDY:

Amy, your turn.

AMY:

Ok, hard act to follow. Thanks for

being brave and sharing that.

Thanks for trusting. OK. One time I

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