Trouble for Two Page #5

her instructions.

Well, here we are.

I had hoped we'd meet again,

But I never expected

it would be like this.

Oh, come, come, miss vandeleur,

this is my funeral, not yours.

I never expected to enter

the gates of valhalla.

In such silence.

Oh, by the way...

Permit me

to return your property.

A little late, perhaps, but I'm

glad not to have failed you.

Thank you.

Do you mind telling me.

Why you entrusted a blank sheet

of paper to my care?

It suited my purpose

at the moment.

I see.

Well, that clears up

one confusion.

And plunges me

right into another.

I thought we'd meet again.

It's funny the way things

turn out, isn't it?

Very funny.

May I?

Don't you think we might drive

a little bit more slowly?

When the time came, mr. Barnley

didn't want to die, either.

But you killed him? Yes.

I trust his reluctance caused

you no real unpleasantness.

No.

Of course, he is not

in a position to complain.

How do you think you're going to

feel about killing me?

Since you wish to die,

I'm only doing you a favor.

Very obliging of you, I'm sure.

Could you give me any ideas

to the nature.

Of my, uh, my extinction?

Is it to be

without warning, or...?

You are to be torn to pieces.

I am to be, uh...?

Oh.

By whom?

You will learn in time.

Don't you think that's a little

bit crueler than necessary?

Perhaps. Are you afraid?

Now, is that a fair question?

If I am afraid, I am a coward.

If I am not afraid, I am a fool.

Don't you agree with me?

I say, you're not a very

brilliant conversationalist,

Are you?

Well, I suppose a woman of

action is a woman of silence.

Please.

Look here.

Suppose I change my mind.

Suppose I fall in love with you

and don't want to die.

Mr. Godall, if you don't

instantly let go of my hand -

You'll kill me.

Stop here, please.

Drive up the road 100 paces

and wait for me at the inn.

Yes, ma'am.

We'll walk from here.

Don't you think you'll be

frightened walking back alone?

Perhaps I had better

walk back with you.

Where are we going?

What's that?

Animals?

Lions.

That's near enough.

"Unknown man

torn to pieces by lions.

"Keeper accidentally

leaves door of cage open.

Stranger fumbly wanders

into zoo after closing hour."

And now, sir,

if you're quite ready.

Is there anything

you wish to say?

Nothing, madam.

Open the door,

and let's get it over with.

Come, come, madam.

Don't!

Go away.

You fool.

You utter fool.

Why didn't you

go through with it?

What would you have done

if I had opened that door?

I'd have closed it again,

I assure you.

Why did you weaken?

You did such a nice job

of barnley last night.

Please, go away.

How did that death notice

get in the papers?

Anyone can put a death notice

in the papers.

And?

I - I gave barnley money.

He went to paris.

I talked him

out of wanting to die.

You all right?

Yes. Who can it be?

I don't know.

We'll have to run for it

and get to the inn.

Stay low.

What's all this at this hour?

I'm sorry to get you up,

but could you take us in?

Huh? Well, I think so. Come in.

Thank you.

I thought it would be safer

if we waited until daylight.

I don't understand

that shooting.

Evidently, we haven't finished

with the suicide club.

What?

The president is the only one

who knew where we were going.

Oh.

And now, madam,

perhaps you will be good enough.

To explain yourself.

I'm not accustomed, sir,

To having explanations

demanded of me.

I do not intend to fence with

you any longer, miss vandeleur,

Which, undoubtedly,

is not your name.

Undoubtedly.

I confess to being a little

weary of this bizarre business.

I hope to get an explanation

from you,

Which would make it

unnecessary for me.

To turn you over

to the authorities.

However, you will give me

no other course.

I wouldn't do that.

And why not?

Because you'd only make

a fool of yourself.

It seems to me that you're

trying to make one of me.

After all, that explanation

about barnley,

The death notice -

It's very ingenious

but not entirely satisfying.

I understood you to say that you

did not believe I killed him,

And yet, you will not believe me

when I tell you I did not.

Exactly.

And now, just who are you?

Very well.

Perhaps you will

understand everything.

When I tell you

that I ran away from home.

Because my dreams of marrying

a knight in armor.

Were being shattered.

And I refuse

to buy a pig in a poke.

"A pig in a p-."

Good heavens, it's impossible.

On the channel boat,

I ran into the very thing

I was running away from.

I couldn't help

trying to find out.

For what manner of man

I had just given up a kingdom.

But that bit in your teeth,

the lenses, the pigtails?

I outgrew them.

Yes, obviously.

The suicide club?

Why, I followed you there.

500 pounds to our president

gained me admission.

I can understand why you came

to the suicide club.

The first night,

But why did you return

the second night?

Well, the fact that I was

certain you would return.

Seemed to reach out

and challenge me.

It all seems so foolish now.

It didn't seem so

when I first followed you.

I assure you, it wasn't foolish

when you first followed me.

Who can that be?

The president?

Are you frightened?

No.

When I nod, you open that door

and get behind it.

What is this?!

What are you doing?!

Gerry!

Wh-For hea-

What is the meaning of this?

Well, that's what

I'd like to know.

How did you get here?

After you left the club,

the president followed you,

And I followed him,

and then he lost you,

And I lost him.

And I stumbled into this inn,

And here you are

alive and kicking me.

Well, you don't seem to be

terribly pleased about it.

Oh, thank heaven you're safe.

And as for this -

This murderess here,

We'll turn her straight over

to the police.

Just a moment, gerry.

Before you turn her over

to the police... yes?

May I present my friend

and confidante colonel geraldine.

To princess Brenda.

Oh...

What?

Well, how do you do,

colonel geraldine?

Oh - Oh, yes,

your royal highness.

I do hope that we can get you

out of london.

Before anything else happens -

Suicide clubs, lions,

that president.

He'll try again, I tell you.

Here's your plum pudding, sir.

Oh, yes, thank you.

Answer that, gerry.

It's her highness.

Her highness?

Her highness, for breakfast.

Answer the door.

Her hi-

Good morning.

I see you waited breakfast

for me.

You're just in time.

Sergei says,

"may I order your breakfast?"

And I say, "oh, no, you can't."

Someone's waiting for me

for breakfast."

Now, uh...

Oh, good morning,

colonel geraldine.

Oh, good morning, your highness.

You're hungry, I hope.

Am i.

So, won't you please sit down?

Thank you.

Sit down, gerry. Sit down. Oh, i...

What's the matter,

colonel geraldine?

You look out of sorts

this morning.

Gerry seems to think.

That the president

will pop up at any moment.

He may be right, too.

No, no, but this is all

highly irregular.

Gerry, will you be a good fellow

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