Trouble in Paradise Page #3

Two hairpins, one cigarette lighter,

one box of real matches...

oh, yes, and this letter from Major...

- You didn't read it?

- Naturally I did.

- Oh.

- You needn't be embarrassed, madame.

A lady as charming as you would

and should get love letters.

Monsieur La Valle.

But one suggestion.

Not the major.

I don't mind his grammatical mistakes,

I will overlook his bad punctuation,

but the letter has no mystery,

no bouquet.

And one lipstick.

Scarlet, number four!

What's wrong now?

With your skin I prefer crimson.

- Too much blue in crimson.

- But that's what you need!

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I disagree with you completely.

I tried it once.

- What shade of powder do you use?

- Peaches and cream.

- That's too dark.

- But do you realize

that I have light eyes?

But, Madame Colet, that is

a question of eye shading.

I can straighten that out

in two seconds.

Come in.

The major.

I'm sorry, monsieur, but madame

had better not see anyone.

The bag has just been found,

and the reaction of relief

from her excitement and strain...

- is just a little too much for her.

- But...

It's nothing very serious,

but all the same, we'd better

not take any chances.

- Just as you say, Doctor.

- Thank you, Major.

- Good day, Doctor.

- Good day, Major.

- Oh, Jacques, has the bag been found?

- Yes, Major.

- Is madame feeling well?

- No, Major.

Is madame seeing anybody this afternoon,

this evening or even tomorrow?

- No, Major.

- You may shut the door, Jacques.

Well, that leaves you holding the bag.

Good-bye.

I think I'd better be going.

Good-bye, Madame Colet.

Good-bye, Monsieur La Valle.

Oh, yes.

Well, this is a rather delicate matter,

and l... I don't want to, uh...

You see, if you... if you read

my advertisement carefully,

you... you would have noticed...

In other words, it embarrasses you

to offer me the 20,000-francs reward.

- Yes.

- Don't be embarrassed.

I'll take it.

I need the money.

I wish I were in a position

to ignore the whole matter,

but you know, madame,

the stock market, a bank crash...

To make a long story short,

a member of the nouveau poor.

Then I'm glad I lost the bag.

I'll write you the check immediately.

- Madame Colet?

- Yes, Monsieur La Valle.

- Do you know my first name?

- No, what is it? Tell me.

Gaston.

- And you know what I would

like you to do with that check?

- What?

Make it out to cash.

As you like.

Now, where can that checkbook be?

Dear me, dear me.

She must have left it somewhere.

It's always the same.

When you're looking for something,

you can't find it.

I can't find that checkbook.

I should have discharged her

six months ago.

I really don't know what to do.

Monsieur La Valle, I'm very sorry, but...

- Eighteenth century.

- Yes.

- Early eighteenth century.

I should say about... 1730.

- Right.

- Beautiful specimen.

- It is beautiful, isn't it?

But I got tired sleeping in antiques.

- So I gave it to my secretary.

- Oh.

This used to be my secretary's room.

I see. She must've been

very happy here.

Too happy.

That's why I discharged her.

Oh, that's terrible.

Isn't that wonderful? You see...

Let me tell you something,

madame...

as a man who's had

all kinds of secretaries.

I wonder if she put

that checkbook in the safe.

Why, I hardly think so,

but let's look.

No. No, it isn't here.

Well, what do you think of that?

A hundred thousand francs.

You know, I hadn't the slightest idea.

But, madame,

you keep 100,000 francs

in your safe... at home?

- You think that's too much?

- No. Not enough.

In times like these,

when everything is uncertain,

every conservative person should have

a substantial part of his fortune...

within arm's reach.

Mm-hmm. That sounds sensible.

Mm-hmm. Yes, very sensible.

- Very, very clever.

- Madame.

I think you deserve a good scolding.

First you lose your bag...

- Then I mislay my checkbook.

- Then you use the wrong lipstick.

- And how I handle my money.

- It's disgraceful!

Tell me, Monsieur La Valle,

what else is wrong?

Everything!

Madame Colet, if I were your father...

which, fortunately, I am not...

and you made any attempt

to handle your own business affairs,

I would give you a good spanking,

in a business way, of course.

What would you do

if you were my secretary?

The same thing.

You're hired.

Speaking for the board of directors,

as well as for myself,

if you insist in times like these

on cutting the fees...

of the board of directors,

then we resign.

Speaking for Madame Colet,

as well as for myself, resign.

Very well.

We'll, uh, think it over,

Monsieur La Valle.

Now, Monsieur La Valle,

as for Madame Colet's life insurance,

it totals one million francs.

There's 500,000 fire insurance...

and 400,000 against burglary.

Then we'd better increase the burglary

insurance to 850,000 francs.

Thank you, Monsieur La Valle.

- No potatoes, Monsieur La Valle?

- No potatoes.

Yes, Monsieur La Valle.

Yes, Monsieur La Valle.

No, Monsieur La Valle.

Oh, maybe, Monsieur La Valle.

Is this what you mean,

Monsieur La Valle?

Absolutely, Madame Colet.

Now, Monsieur La Valle, please.

Frankly, madame, I'm too tired.

Don't you want to come down

and join the party?

Just a little tango? No?

Oh, you and your messy

old papers and contracts...

and money, money, money.

All those uninteresting things.

They're very interesting to me, madame.

And somebody in this house

should worry about money.

No, really, I have to be up

early in the morning.

New paragraph.

Furthermore, it is madame's wish

that while half of the interest...

shall be deposited as usual

in madame's account,

the other half, contrary to custom,

shall be delivered in cash

into madame's personal custody.

Darling, that means

that on the second ofJune...

we shall have 850,000 francs.

- And her jewelry is worth a fortune.

- No jewelry. Hands off jewelry.

If we're broke, all right.

I can pick up a million-franc necklace.

But in times like these,

when we're doing a cash business,

why take a chance with jewelry?

Gaston, I know you're awfully busy,

and, well, I don't wanna trouble you,

but she has one little necklace...

You know the one with the seed pearis?

It's so quiet and simple.

- It'd go just beautifully with my neck.

- Hmm.

Come in.

Madame would like to talk

to Mademoiselle Vautier for a moment.

Very well, Jacques.

Come in.

Good morning, madame.

Good morning, mademoiselle.

Please.

- Please.

- Oh, thank you, madame.

You've had your breakfast?

Oh, but of course you have.

Oh, yes, madame.

You see, I have to get up very early.

My little brother goes to school.

You see, Mother is dead.

Yes, that's the trouble with mothers.

First you get to like them,

and then they die.

Oh, thanks.

Thank you. And now, mademoiselle,

the reason I asked you to come...

- Two lumps, madame?

- Please.

Thank you.

Oh, may I?

- Now, mademoiselle.

- Yes, madame?

You see, uh...

Not a word to Monsieur La Valle.

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