True Memoirs of an International Assassin Page #6

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to the inauguration?

What are you talking about?

I'll do it.

I'll wear a wire.

No, you were right. It's too dangerous.

We gotta get you out of here.

- Mission's over.

- Mission is not over.

- The Ghost doesn't just walk away.

- You are not the Ghost.

You said, "Get out of your head

and get in the game."

Sam, we almost died tonight.

We're all gonna die.

Not all of us get to make a difference.

We'd need a small army to protect us

while we got ready.

I think I know where to find one.

- [man shouting in Spanish]

- [guns cock]

[men speaking Spanish]

Tell El Toro the Ghost is here.

It is the Ghost.

The one and only.

And you, who is this?

Rosa Bolivar.

DEA, idealist, patriot.

She's a badass.

She's a big fan of yours, too.

- You know? Yeah.

- Seems very nice.

[groans] My shoulder, man! I got shot.

- [Sam groans]

- [speaking Spanish] Qu Bonita.

[in English] I have thousands of followers

all over Venezuela,

but I cannot think of anybody

as beautiful as you.

Yes. Muy Bonita, we get it. Okay.

Let's focus on what's important.

Yours truly just received

a personal invite to...

a certain black-tie event.

You see? What did I tell you?

That's right, Juan.

The plan is in motion.

Tomorrow I'll be in position

to take out el Presidente.

But there is one catch.

- Anton Masovich is trying to kill us.

- The Russian Moby?

- Yeah.

- Screw him.

If you want me to take out the president,

I need your men to keep us alive.

- Anything for you, friend.

- Yeah.

- Anything.

- All right.

Anything for you. Come.

[speaking Spanish] Mi casa es Su casa.

We got our small army.

Let's get you ready

for the ball, Cinderella.

No one's gonna be able

to bring a weapon into the palace, so...

if you can steal one of these

from the presidential guard, use it.

Let's see.

- You're a good shot.

- I've spent time at the range.

Don't get me wrong.

You're good,

but you're not as good as me.

- Oh, really?

- Yeah, really.

Why don't you try this on?

Okay, that's really cool.

- But not practical.

- No, you could use that in the field.

- Bullshit.

- I used it in my book.

- Sam, what we're about to do is...

- I know.

- It's not a book.

- Let's just call it a night.

Wait a second.

- You're worried about me.

- No.

Yeah.

That's why you're a one-woman operation.

Why you push people away

with the nicknames.

If you're on your own, you don't

have to worry about losing anyone.

You can't get hurt.

How did you know?

I'm a writer.

I notice the details.

[Rosa sighs]

It was just really hard

when my first partner died.

I'm really sorry.

Then I lost two more

in just one year.

Three?

Three of them died?

I mean, three here.

But before that, I lost two

while I was on assignment in Mexico.

[stammers] Five of your partners,

they're dead? Five of them?

They call me the jinx back in D.C.

No one will work with me.

Hey, hey, hey.

- Come on, don't cry.

- Everyone who touches me dies.

You're messing with me, aren't you?

Thought you noticed the details.

[sighs] You are good.

Hell, yeah, I am. Pack this up.

Let's go.

[in Spanish] As requested.

Turns out she's been trying

to bring down Masovich for years.

[in English] My kind of gal.

[man] They disappeared into the jungle.

Two of our men tried to follow them,

but they were gunned down.

El Toro.

I pay you a lot of money,

and you have failed me again.

Next time I see the Ghost

and that DEA b*tch...

I'm gonna kill 'em myself.

- Thank you.

- [El Toro speaking Spanish] De nada.

Ah. [exclaims]

[in English] Let's get a move on, cupcake.

[chuckles]

From my private collection.

Listen, I know you don't need the luck.

But I will say break a leg.

The president's leg.

Then, his other leg.

And then, carefully but painfully,

rip out his still beating heart,

and hoist it above his corpse

like this for the entire party to see.

I was thinking something

maybe quicker.

Whatever works for you.

Until next we meet.

I can do that myself.

I opened it for you. It's not a big thing.

Stay close to them.

Let me know when it is done.

Tonight... we take back our country.

It's my country.

["Hungry Like the Wolf"

playing in Spanish]

Isn't El Toro gonna be pissed

when I don't do what I said?

Once the president's prosecuted,

his corruption's exposed,

El Toro will thank you.

Testing, testing. Uno, dos, tres.

[Rosa on recording]

Testing, testing. Uno, dos, tres.

Remember, I need the president confessing

to ordering the hit on Masovich.

- Is that all?

- Don't get killed.

- Like my other five partners.

- You were messing with me.

Was I?

Don't you start with that.

You go left, I'll go right.

Locate the president, and meet

back here before you make contact.

I trust all is proceeding to plan.

Tomorrow our Russian friend won't

be feeling very good.

Because he'll be dead.

That's what I was going for, yeah.

- [glass shatters]

- [people gasp]

So clumsy of me.

I think I've had one too many.

Thank you, my friend.

[grunts]

Anton.

Let's dance.

I thought you'd never ask.

[playing waltz music]

Thank you.

[Juan] I'll take that, sir.

Juan.

How did you get in?

- I'm more capable than El Toro thinks.

- I'm glad you're here, man.

- I'm freaking out.

- You will kill the president tonight.

- Yeah, of course.

- Otherwise, I will.

And then I'll kill you.

Come on, man. Oh, come on now. Kylie.

[mutters] If you don't hear from me,

I'm so gonna die.

- [Anton grunts]

- [Rosa gasps]

[Anton] Tango.

The vertical expression

of a horizontal act.

[phone rings]

- Hello.

- Ghost Face Killer.

Got your text.

- You're kidding, right?

- Kylie, it's not a good time.

- Unh!

- I'll get you horizontal, but in a box.

I forgot to ask.

Where's the manuscript

for your next book?

[Sam] Oh, no.

I can't do this right now.

Shall we take this upstairs?

Ooh. You about to assassinate someone?

I gotta go.

[Sam] I gotta go.

Could this guy be more

of a mouth breather?

Well, I think his everyday Joe appearance

is all a part of his cover.

Think about it. You'd never suspect a guy

who looks like that is an assassin.

Which makes him the perfect assassin.

You think this guy's the Ghost?

I'll bet you a year's salary

he kills the president tonight.

- Easiest 17 grand I ever made.

- Yeah.

[sighs]

Mr. President.

Oh.

A fellow American. How nice.

Don't you just hate the food here?

I mean, it's all Mexican.

Man, I would just kill for some

of them mini hot dogs right about now.

Hey, Juan.

You know him?

I call them all Juan.

Half the time, I'm right.

Juan Valdez, go to the kitchen.

Order me up some of them

pigs in a blanket.

[speaking Spanish] Pronto.

Gracias. Hombre.

[in English] I know you.

I do.

You're that author

that Katie Couric outed.

Man, you, you and Sarah Palin.

That KC, she's the real assassin, huh?

Have you seen the Auto-Tune they did

of your interview on YouTube?

No, but you know what?

Maybe you have an office you can show me?

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