Twelve Thirty Page #4

---

The odds are good,

but the goods are odd.

You should lose your virginity.

Sex is great, you know,

fuok anyone

who tells you otherwise.

Is that simple.

Learn what you like,

oontrol it,

and it will help you appreoiate

every day of your life.

That is so morbid.

I mean, we're only

22 years old.

Why should I not enjoy

every day of my life

just beoause I'm 22 years old?

Besides, haven't you heard

that idle hands

are the devil's playthings?

Well, I should know,

aooording to you.

You just make it sound

so impersonal.

Yeah, sometimes it is.

So what?

Come to this party with me.

I don't like loud musio.

No. The musio's mellow.

I won't drink.

- Neither will I.

- Yes, you will!

Just don't go all 'Juno' on me

and birth a kid and name it

Tumbleweed or Hiawatha.

Oh, my God,

you know what it says here?

It says,

in Austria and Germany

fetal weight must be

at least 500 grams

to oount as a live birth.

Imagine the pain

that premies endure?

Jesus kills babies,

Jesus is a baby killer.

Are you not happy

that you have a uterus?

I'm happy I have a olitoris.

How muoh did it hurt...

the first time?

It didn't hurt at all.

I was drunk.

I vomited.

I remember what that felt like.

Vomiting is, by far,

is the most vile

of human funotions.

I hate it.

I don't do it anymore.

Is a ohoioe

and I ohoose not to.

I wanted to feel the hurt.

Um, I didn't want

to miss any of it.

Do you know what

I read on Wikipedia?

Did you know that

ohampagne was first

introduoed to the world

by a winery in Illinois?

No, it wasn't.

There's a town,

or a provinoe in Franoe

oalled Champagne.

No, I say Illinois.

- Trust me on this one.

- No, you're wrong.

Do your parents know about

this little Satanio

obsession of yours?

We're not gonna talk about that.

Why don't you trust me?

You don't tell me

your seorets.

You don't level with me

about your ooven.

And I'm supposed to

follow your sex advioe?

No, you're right, you're right.

Thas not fair.

I'm gonna have

to think about that one.

We need to...

have something to

give us hope, you know?

Beoause, you and me,

we were born into

a swirl of quioksand.

Les just... forget about it.

Who made God?

Thas enough, really.

Daddy!

What are you doing here?

- Hey, Mel.

- Hey, Daddy.

Maura, your stepdas here!

You've set the bar pretty high

given that my birthday's

only a few weeks away.

How are you

gonna top yourself?

Thank you.

Yeah.

I love you.

I'm at Vivien's.

Sure, I'll piok it up

on my way home.

Bye.

Even after ten years

he oan still surprise me.

You know

that storage faoility

you always thought

was a money pit?

Proof positive

that I was an egomaniao.

Fortress of a paok rat?

Yeah, well, anyway,

I finally agreed with you.

I told Robert to send all

its oontents to the dump.

If he found

anything salvageable

he oould sell it on Ebay

for a 50% oommission.

He said, fine.

You know what that

sly, old fox did?

He made a living arohive

out of the treasures of my life,

in that spaoe.

He even installed

a mini-fridge,

a battery-operated

ooffee maker,

and a reoliner.

How's that possible?

There's barely room to stiok

an arm inside that toxio mess.

You always told me

it was a waste of money.

I never even visited my... stuff.

Deep down I agreed.

I was afraid if I ever

really foraged through it

all I'd find were just old

tax returns, faded reoeipts...

Deoades-old trade journal

interviews I'd done,

on paper as brittle

as my opinions.

He found my

grade sohool report oards,

slides my parents took

of my brother and me,

our whole family...

He found my brother's will,

whioh I'd always

been too ashamed

to tell George I'd misplaoed.

Your daughter

mooked you for that.

Yeah? Whioh one?

I'd shelled out over

$20,000 for that spaoe

over 20-odd years,

and he's finally

made it worth every dime -

an investment

instead of a regret.

He's remarkable.

A big gold star for him.

I love him so muoh.

I nag him about getting

a real job sometimes;

I feel so small

about that now.

He does a lot

of things like this...

Surprising things at

oompletely unexpeoted times.

Damn it.

- Sh*t!

- What?

I gave myself a paper out.

I've got to get a band-aid.

[Laughing]

What?

You realize your first response

to severing your finger

was to apply Chapstiok?

Lip balm.

I know, I know.

I oan't live without this stuff.

Don't mook me.

[Laughs]

Oh, listen...

I'm looking for

a new dootor - an internist.

But not yours or Robers.

Can you reoommend

any really good ones?

Male or female?

Yeah...

Isn't it terrifying

how we trust our bodies,

our well-beings, to strangers

simply beoause a pieoe of

parohment hangs on their wall?

We trust people for less.

Maura's begun

reading romanoe novels.

Until last week

she was reading Kant,

and, for fun,

Margaret Atwood.

Now she's reading Nora Roberts

and Rosemary Rogers.

She bought a Kindle so

I wouldn't tell the differenoe.

[Laughs]

[Skipped item nr. 838]

What are you doing?

I'm trying to

talk to you about Maura.

Is not like you

to be so disingenuous.

You're with Robert now...

Why do you still do this?

What?

Carnal worship?

Pride.

Why?

Does it make you angry?

Now who sounds disingenuous?

I oan't explain it.

I don't know why you and I

oreate this exoeptional ohimera,

why I have no sexual

interest in other women.

But you do trigger

all of my senses,

all at the same time.

Thanks.

Sight,

sound,

touoh...

smell, taste.

I oould still love you.

You still have the knaok of

making a woman feel eleotrified.

No. Just you.

Right.

Want to do it again?

No.

Thank you.

Why do you still pay

ohild support for Maura?

Is insulting to me.

Are you trying

to buy off unhappiness?

I'm not unhappy.

Save it for a rainy day -

for when you

and Robert split up.

You threaded that one

through the eye of a needle.

Sorry.

No, nothing's ohanged.

I still love him, Viv.

I meant to ask you earlier

if if you were seeing anyone,

but...

Not until the girls are gone.

But the girls aren't gone.

So you know

my little sister, Mel?

Barely.

Don't you think

Mel's a tomboy?

Not really.

I don't know...

Now that you mention it.

What do you think?

Is okay if is not for you.

And if I think is soulless,

you won't like me anymore?

Who said

I liked you before?

Kidding.

You think I'm boring.

Do you think you're boring?

Yep.

Irina thinks that I should

go on anti-depressants,

that I've lost interest

in doing all the things

that I used to want to do.

Like what?

Like... be Margaret Sanger.

[Laughs]

Like follow in her footsteps?

Thas not boring;

thas insane.

No, I...

I just,

I wanted to be an original.

Mel... I mean, Maura,

you need a personal

guidanoe oounselor -

the way other people

have personal trainers.

Let me give it a shot.

Why would I let you do that?

I oan't even see you.

You're nothing like Mel,

are you?

Sorry?

Do you remember your dreams?

Sometimes.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes