Up in Smoke Page #6

Yeah. The winner gets a record

contract with real records, man.

You know, that's not going to mean dick

unless they promote you, you know.

But we could get our band in it, man.

We could enter.

We could win it, man, and it's $100, too.

We couldn't enter it.

We don't even know any tunes yet, man.

What do you mean, man?

We had two rehearsals, man.

Besides, it's just punk rock, man.

You know, you don't have to

know how to play.

All you just got to do is be a punk, man.

We could do that.

- Well, we got to get loaded first, though.

- Yeah, we should get loaded.

We need some smoke, man.

Jeez, we need to score a lid.

Why don't you just stop,

and I'll call Gloria.

- Who's Gloria?

- Who's Gloria?

Hi. You're looking good.

You want to go,

like, powder our noses, you know?

Anyway, like, I want to

talk some business, okay?

Yeah. I got the powder, all right.

She's got the best stuff, I'm telling you.

She cuts it herself.

Boy, she can bust me anytime.

You should see her summer whites.

In here.

Wow. That's heavy.

Yeah, man, but I bet a lot of cops

smoke dope now, you know.

No, I mean, look at that, man.

Looks like a radio station.

The request lines are now open,

KGFJ soul radio.

Do it now, man.

Request lines are now...

It's open, man.

Go ahead. Go ahead. Say something.

All right, Officer Clyde,

contact headquarters

and give them our present location.

And then I'm going

to take off your dress.

And then I'm going to take off your bra.

And then I'm going to

take off your shoes.

Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello.

Can you hear me?

Hello, headquarters?

Hello, headquarters?

Come in, headquarters.

This is Officer Clyde.

Use the code name. The code name.

Headquarters.

Headquarters, come in, please.

This is code name Hard Head.

Hat. Hard Hat. Give me that.

Hello, radio dispatch?

This is code name Hard Hat.

Code name Hard Hat.

Do you read me? Over.

What's that, lard ass?

Hard Hat. Code name Hard Hat.

Do you read, radio dispatch?

Hey, got something for you, lard ass.

Hard Hat. Hard Hat.

Do you understand?

Lard ass. Lard ass.

Hard Hat.

Radio dispatch, do you know

who this is?

No. Who is "this is"?

This is Sergeant Stedenko.

Oh, yeah? You know who this is?

No.

Bye-bye, lard ass.

Attention, headquarters.

Attention, headquarters.

This is code name Lard...

This is code name Hard Hat.

Code name Hard Hat.

Any sighting within the last half hour?

- They burned the stash they had.

- Oh, no.

Yeah. Can you believe it?

They burned the whole thing yesterday.

Oh, no.

Yeah, but they're expecting

a new one from Tijuana.

- I was in Tijuana once.

- It's supposed to be worth

...millions and millions of dollars.

The cops are out looking for it now.

- Jesus, I hope they find it.

- Me, too. Look, if they find it,

you want to set aside some lids for me?

Well, you can believe that.

We'll have a party.

Why don't we just, like, split, okay?

Glo, see you.

You want me to give

your number to that guy, let me know.

Sure do, hey. Take care.

- Bye-bye.

- I can't believe

- that they burned all the smoke.

- See you.

Hey, I got to go to the bathroom.

I'll meet you guys outside, okay?

Oh, okay.

Hey, holmes.

Come on, man.

Sometimes when you got to go

really bad,

you can't, you know?

Come on, man.

You wanted to go out there.

I'll put you back in the closet.

I think he's got stage fright, man.

Come on, man.

Yeah. That's the one.

Oh, hey, man.

Thanks an awful lot, man.

Hey. Hey. Hey.

- Come on. Look at... Hey.

- I'm sorry.

Hey, come back... Jesus.

Hey, everybody be quiet.

I'm calling home.

Hello. Who's this?

James. Man, hey, listen.

We got a gig at the Roxy, man.

So, get the guys, okay?

All right, man.

Be sure to be there and don't be late.

All right. See you later.

All right. It's together, man.

We're going to be there, man.

We're going to take this battle

of the bands. We're gonna do it, man.

Does this show?

Yeah, they sure do.

No. I mean this, this spot.

Let's see. Yeah, a little bit.

Here, I'll take it out for you.

- Will you?

- Yeah. Sure. Just take it off.

Oh, great.

Just stay here.

I'll just do it to here, okay?

Oh, hey, hey, no, man.

Now get in the back.

Get in the back. Get in the back.

Get in the back.

- Okay.

- Get in the back.

Jeez. Jesus.

Hey, Pedro? Pedro?

What's the matter?

- Pedro.

- You still like me, don't you?

- Pedro, come here, man.

- He is so sweet, you know?

Pedro, get out here, man.

Man, where'd you learn

how to drive, man?

Hey, man, we got stopped by the cops,

man. I don't have a driver's license.

Oh sh*t. Man, why didn't you tell me that

when you started driving?

Well, never mind that, man.

What are we going to do?

Oh, sh*t.

Well, here, change places with me,

man. Come on.

- I don't think he's seen us.

- No, no. Sit down.

Got my leg caught. Just...

I've got my legs caught.

Man, like, get over, man.

What do you guys want?

Nothing.

You mind if I have a bite of

your hot dog?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, man.

You can have the whole thing.

- Yeah.

- Thanks.

Want some Fritos?

No. This is fine.

Thank you.

Hey, you guys have a nice day.

Thank you.

- Hey, man.

- What?

You're squashing my nuts.

Hey, did that really happen?

What was that dude's trip, man?

I thought we were going to get busted

for sure, man.

- Just a minute. It might be a trick, man.

- Okay. Well, sit there and be cool.

I've got to... Sh*t.

Look at him, man.

I wonder what he's been smoking.

Well, whatever it is,

I wish we had some, man.

- No kidding.

- Wow, man, look, man,

we got to score some before we go on.

- Yeah, but where, man?

- I don't know, man.

There's got to be somebody in this town

that's got a lot of smoke.

Yeah.

She was, like, nuts.

You could always tell

if she was in the hotel

balling her old man, you know.

Like, everyone would be dozing off,

and all of a sudden she'd start up.

First you'd hear it,

it would start like, you know...

But then she'd, like, really get going,

and she'd be more like, you know...

You know, and she'd start going

like a motorboat, you know?

"F*** me, Alex. "

Her boyfriend's name was Alex.

You know, "F*** me.

"F*** me.

"F*** me, Alex.

"F*** me, Alex. F*** me, Alex. "

Oh, I got a cramp. No, no.

I got a cramp.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

- Oh, God. I got a cramp.

- Yeah. That's just like it, man.

- You're doing good.

- Oh, sh*t, oh.

- Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

- No. No. No.

- Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

- No. No.

Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, yeah.

- There.

- Oh, yeah. That's just like it.

- Oh, sh*t.

- Then she'd have, like, two tears...

Oh, it's better. It's out. It's out.

It's better.

That feels better. Oh, God.

Sh*t. I need some air.

Right on, man.

- I didn't know your name was Alex, man.

- Oh, I got a cramp.

Sh*t, I'd have a cramp there, too, man.

What's going on out here?

Hey, hey. You don't even know

where you're going. Wait for me.

Come on. Make way for the new king.

God damn, you're a star, man.

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