Vamp U Page #3

I cleaned it.

That's, um, that's pretty

sad about your mom.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

That whole thing...

that was pretty bad.

But, um... Oh! Ohh!

There we go!

Wayne.

Wayne, are you okay?

No. I just peed my pants!

You what?

Get out!

Okay.

Come back tomorrow.

Yeah, yeah.

Um, what time?

The morning...

morning's a good time.

Oh, it's gorgeous.

So, who's your first victim?

I don't know.

Fred's girl's been vibing

me pretty hard, eh?

Dude, don't be a jerk.

Well, quit

puppy-guarding her, dude.

Make a move or move on.

Dude, I've had like two days.

Give me a break.

All I'm saying is she wants

me, and you're being selfish.

I mean, honestly, what do you

think she'd rather look at,

boys... my naked butt cheeks or

Tom's saggy ass falling

out the top bunk?

Neither! You big dick.

Hey, come on.

Pass.

King me again, sluts.

Ohh!

She always does that.

Your red, red, red eyes

Scum, door... Now.

We could just have

spread them lies

Hey.

I brought you some drinks.

Is that alcohol?

No, energy drinks.

Excuse me, guys.

Over land and sea

don't let them fool you

Did she say that was her mom?

Um, I know... more

like her twin sister.

She is wicked hot.

Bing!

It's 2:
00 A.M.

Yeah, I-I wanted

to surprise you.

How? By showing all my

friends how weird you are?

Well, I-I couldn't sleep.

Yeah, well, you never can.

I hate all your Amish sh*t.

Sometimes, people's Amish

sh*t isn't what you think.

If being Amish is so

important to you, then why

didn't you raise me Amish?

I always wanted to teach you

about our ways, but it just...

I-I didn't know how.

You know, maybe I still can.

No.

No, you can't.

I'm 19. It's too late.

I don't care anymore.

Thanks for the drinks.

Yeah.

We got monster, b*tches!

Yeah!

Whoo!

Whoo!

Hey, Tom.

Yeah?

Do you really think kappa

Os are the biggest hos?

Ever seen that clip on YouTube?

Yeah.

I don't know why she

pledged with them.

Hi, honey.

Cute shoes.

Did you make it

down to see Chris?

Yeah, yeah, I did.

How'd that go?

Stupid.

Honey.

You have a rapport

with her, Ted.

She hates my guts.

Why don't you sue me about it?

Hey.

Don't you wish you could

just turn back the clock?

How far?

Really far.

Yes?

Professor Gretzky?

Uh.

Yes, he is I.

It... come in.

Come on in.

Whoa. What are you doing here?

Oh, I-I thought that message

meant you wanted me to come.

It is.

What can I do for you?

Ah, yes.

The old "add" slip, the infamous...

from before.

Yes.

The "add" slip.

Well, actually, Chris, the night

class is full right now, but

there is an opening

in the morning class.

Oh, the... the 10:30 one?

Yes, yes.

Um, it seems that Barry Pearson

was in that class, and now he is

a missing person.

Yeah, that's awful.

Yeah, it is.

But when God opens a

door, he opens a window.

And now you can join that class.

Oh.

I-I-I hope I-I didn't

break any rules.

Rules?

I mean, who makes rules?

I don't know.

So, um... See you in class.

Okay. I'll look for you.

Deal.

I'll be teaching.

Pervert!

It's for class!

You pervert.

Hey, hey. It's Chris.

Dude, ask her to

the party already.

Dude, don't you think

I'm gonna do that?

Hey, guys, what's up?

Hey, Chris. Hey.

Uh, did you get into

Gretzkys class?

Yeah, I did, but that

night class was full.

But, you know, I got

into the morning one.

Sweet. That's my class.

Hey, Fred Flintstone!

Ow!

You're supposed

to catch it, dude.

You're such an ass.

That really hurt.

It was a love pass.

Speaking of love,

Chris, you look lovely.

Oh, and smelling so sweet.

Mm!

Well, it was good

to see you, Chris.

I don't want to catch you two fags'

pudding in my bed again tonight.

See you guys.

Like he ever catches us.

So, dude, when are you gonna

ask her to the party?

What... what... what

are you talking about?

Uh, Chris, "the most beautiful

girl I've ever seen."

Dude.

What are you

guys talking about?

Ah, chewing the fat.

Just chewing the fat.

Fred.

You were gonna

invite me to a party?

No. Unh-unh. No.

Okay. Well, I-I got to go buy

some textbooks, but, uh, I

will... I'll see you guys.

See you in class.

Bye.

Dude, what the hell

was that about?

I wanted to talk to you about

her, but for some reason, I got

it in my mind when Jared and

Kyle left, I should just...

Don't you think you should

have waited till she left?

I'm so sorry, man.

I'm as surprised as you are.

Every person that entered

into that chamber unannounced

was executed... Swiftly, by

either sword or crossbow.

Luckily, for Guinevere, that fateful

evening, there was a full moon.

So, you're Guinevere.

As Lancelot lay sleeping naked...

let me just pop these off.

Just kidding.

I can only do that to you.

As Lancelot lay sleeping naked,

he reached for a sword, and the

moon shone down just at that

time, revealing her pale and

only slightly blemished face.

It was right then and there...

Lancelot knew he would risk

everything... he'd risk his

power, his title, his rank...

for that one forbidden evening,

very long and naughty evening

with that ginger-haired

Bathsheba.

Yes!

I thought Camelot

was only a legend.

Tom, you will learn in my class

that every legend begins with

the truth and every real hero

must risk everything to get what

he most desires.

Yes!

So... Ginger-haired

Bathsheba, seat.

Naked Lancelot...

teacher, pants on.

Lecture resumes.

Chris, you're like a poor

man's version of Mary

since Mary's dead, I guess

I'll take what I can get

can't have Mary

'cause she's dead

but I'll take you, Chris

you don't have

to know about...

Whoa!

Trying to fix your guitar?

Nope. Nope.

I just broke this one, actually.

You're not here to drop my class

after one lecture, are you?

Oh, no.

No, no, no, no.

I... that lecture was... It really...

it really spoke to me.

I can't stop thinking about it.

Well, you know, what's funny is

that, um, it's really... it's

really a misunderstood

love story.

What people don't know about

king Arthur was that he really

was sort of a, uh... Prick?

Awesome, right?

And some people would call that

disgusting because of

the age difference.

Although, if they knew the real

age difference, they'd be puking

all over each other.

I'm proud of Dr. G, though,

because there are only two

people in this world who look

like Chris and her mom, and

that's Chris and her mom, and

he had sex with both of them.

Fred and I would just love to

rub up against them in a crowd.

The only bad part about it

is what it did to Fred.

Do it. Do it.

Ohh!

Hey, Freddie Prinze Jr.

Hey, Jared from

subway commercials.

Nice.

Okay.

Hey, how do you personally feel

about Chris tapping Dr. G,

just out of curiosity?

Not so bad, considering that's

the stupidest rumor I've

ever heard in my entire life.

Everybody knows

they're doing it.

Just because they're

always locked in his

office does not mean

they're having sex.

I mean, it might,

but... It doesn't.

Dude, listen, we're just

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