Vampires Suck Page #3

and turn me into a vampire.

-No.

- I keep aging and you stay the same.

I'm 18 now. I'm practically a cougar.

I just..

I could'nt live with myself. If I turn you into a vampire.

You're always sexy and healthy and super good looking with tons of free times

and money to travel the world. It's a lot like being George Clooney.

Seriously, the only thing that keeps aging is... your ass.

It's very wrinkly all the time.

You'll never see me again.

Just.. promise me that you won't do anything reckless.

Okay, I promise that I wont date Chris Brown.

Farewell.

Edward.. Edward...

Edward!

So, you're just gonna leave me alone in the wood,

in an areas full of vampire who wanna eat me.

Looks like Edward left us a treat.

Great! Exactly what I was talking about.

Take that!

-I came here to help, you b*tch!

- Sorry!

There's no where else to run. Your beloved Edward is not here to save you.

Come on, Jack. Where's the bro codes? Huh?

You know you dont try to eat someone's girlfriend

right after they break up with them?

Kardashians.

Let's go!

I'm gonna have to suck the venom out of you.

Know it, that this will be tough for me

because the taste of your blood could send me into a frenzy

But on the other hand...

- Just do it already!

Okay, Edward, I think you got all the venom out. You can stop now.

And just like that, Edward was gone.

I just.. could'nt get over him. Why did he had to leave me?

[He's not that into You]

[The Girls Guide To: Surviving A Vampire Love Affair]

[Confessions of a batshit : Love Crazed Teen-age girl]

Time pass but my yearning for Edward never subsided

Everyone reminded me of him.

I could'nt get Edward out of my mind.

No matter where I looked,

No matter where I saw,

without Edward, my life is over.. I felt like dying.

And every night I had nightmares that would make me scream

really really loud.

Becca, Becca, Becca

You're so upset. Let me check your level.

Oh, It's not good. You got more worse than the secret life of American teenagers.

You know Honey, I'm not real good at the whole parenting thing,

but I do know that breakups are hard.

especially when you're dumped by someone as handsome and hunky as Edward.

That boy can really fill up a pair of pants.

I mean "Oouuh Look at that~ Look at that~"

Now let's face it, honey, you're no looker, and you twitch a lot

it's kind of irritating.

That's for sure the best piece of ass you'll ever got.

That's my girl.

Oh, Your friend Jennifer keeps calling..

You should hangout with her.

Probably cheer you up. I want you to say good night to your new mommy.

Good Night, Beka, I love you..

I Love you~

She really does.

Well, we're gonna get busy. Good night, sweetheart.

I dont get it. Why would anyone want to do a vampire? Lame~

-Yeah, so lame.

- That one's totally gonna flop.

[The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn]

I cant believe they got married and have a vampire baby.

Owhh, thanks for the spoilers alert dumb sh*t!

It's too bad Edward dumped you and now you dont have a date for the prom.

Cause that dress would look great on you.

But you dont need a dress. Because Edward left you behind in the forest like bearshit.

So I'm gonna wear it instead! And everyone gonna be like, super-jealous.

Can you just die!?

- No, but you can.

Well, this is me. Where are you parked?

Uhh, over there.

Ouh, right next to those mean and scary biker dudes?

See you at school tomorrow!

Hey baby! Come over here and you can sit on my bike.

Becca, those guys are dangerous. Walk away.

Oh, sh*t. Those guys are dangerous.

- Told ya.

Wether it was real, or imagine, I knew

that the more I put myself in danger,

the more contact I would have with Edward.

This is your brake, and this is your throttle.

Jacob, There's a.. there's something different about you. I don't know what is!

I've been meaning to tell you.

I'm a mannoberger.

Are you, telling me..

- That's right. I've had my barmitzvah.

Mussletolf!

-So you think...

- I er.. say again. Could'nt hear you.

Yea right, erm..

- What?

Maybe if you stop revving the bike whenever

I'm about to ask something really important, you could hear me.

Great, sorry.

- Thank you.

Becca, I wanted to ask you..

Oh, come on!

Becca would you wanna date with me?

- Sorry, but I feel yelled at, Jacob.

I think I'll just, take her for a spin.

Just one thing first.

You just cut the brakelines.

Becca, stop. You're going to hurt yourselves.

Put down the guitar and stop singing like Taylor Swift.

If this is what it takes to be with you Edward. So be it!

Becca, don't drink that milk. You know you're lactose intolerant.

This is for you, Edward.

Sorry. But I did try to warn you.

Are you trying to get yourself killed?!

You're bleeding. Here!

Your body is so.. furry!?

Are.. Are those tits?

- Yea, several of them actually.

I'll better get you some help.

That was fast.

You are so scrumptous.

No!

Be happy it was me that found you.. and not Rachel.

Why? What happened to Rachel?

She was.. recasted.

She wants to torture you, for what you did to Jack. At least I will eat you fast.

Jacob, run!

-That's it? A Chiuahua?

- Oh yea, I guess so.

-This whole transformation thing is new to me.

- You can't stop me.

-You're no werewolf.

- That's why we always travel in a pack.

-Please~

- Get 'em, girls!

Sign this!

Now, let's get you home.

Why can't Carrie and Big just be together?

There you are! I've been looking everywhere for you.

You look like sh*t.

-What do you want?

Look, we're all sorry we tried to drink Becca's blood,

even Jermiah. But something terrible has happened to her.

Becca who? I am totally over her.

I've moved on, I'm done with normal chicks.

I've finally found someone as freaky as me.

-Too freaky?

- Edward, I had a vision

Becca was driving a motorcycle..

She tried to kill herself.

I fear Becca maybe dead.

No.. I gotta find out!

How do you feel?

I bet it's Edward, isn't it?

Here.

[ Rebound Guy :
Herbal Tea ]

Why did you just take off your shirt?

The contract says I have to,

every 10 minute of screen time.

Look, Edward left you,

but I would never.. do that.

I wanna take it out of the friends zone.

I really like you Becca.

I like you too, when I'm with you...

-I just feel so safe and secure.

-Thanks.

I suppose I always felt with Edward which is all so

passion, lust, complete forbidden fruit stuff.

-I mean with him it's all about my Va-jay-jay

- Okay, yeah.

Do you mind getting that?

- Hello!

-Officer Crane!?

-No, he's not here right now

- Where is he?

It's very important that I speak with him.

" Becca, At the Fisherman Sculley's Funeral.

Roast is in the oven-- weed is in the top drawer! -Love,Dad "

-He's at the funeral

-Oh God, no!

Yea, and supposedly the body was so mangled

that the undertaker had to use ..

crazy glue to stick the hand back on and

put marbles where the eyes once were.

Hello? Hello?

-It's true! Becca's dead!

- Edward, I'm so sorry!

I can't live without her.

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