Van Wilder Page #7

- Look.

- Why don't you just leave him alone?

- Home wrecker.

Oh, thank you!

Thank you!

Out of my way!

Stop packing! You can appeal the

expulsion. It's in the school charter.

"Any student may appeal an expulsion

before the university judicial board...

and state his or her case

within 48 hours of being discharged."

Do you want my hot tub,

or should I just give it to Milty?

We can get the law club to help.

They owe you after the

"Sue Me, Screw Me" soiree you threw.

Thank you. I appreciate it.

I'm really not interested.

- You're not hearing me--

- It's over, Taj!

F*** you, Van Wilder!

You heard me.

I say-- I say...

f*** you, you-you-you--

you--you--

you p*ssy ass motherf***er!

You-- You dicksucker!

Don't sugar coat it, Taj.

Tell me how you really feel.

Seven years.

Seven years!

I've accomplished nothing!

There's no reason

to stay here anymore!

Sure, sure.

You've made tons of friends...

who in the drop of a rupee do anything

for you, and that doesn't mean much?

Who cares about Sick Boy

and the charities you've helped...

and all of our athletics--

those are all so minuscule?

And I guess so is a promise...

made to a wet-behind-the-ears kid

from India whose only dream...

was to bury his face

in a beautiful woman's lotus patch.

You have shown me a life

I could only dream about...

back home while masturbating

in my father's woodshed.

Most importantly,

you saw potential...

in me.

If you do not see potential in yourself,

then you are a blind man.

I'm leaving.

Then leave.

But leave the honorable way.

You've been looking for

that dare-to-be-great situation.

It is at your doorstep.

We need to talk.

Get me the law club.

It's ridiculous!

It's preposterous!

It's ludicrous!

By God, it's impetuous!

- So does that mean you gonna help us?

- Oh, it's on.

Let Van stay! Let Van stay!

Let Van stay! Let Van stay!

We are now in session.

Mr. Wilder.

You were found in violation of Article

soliciting of alcohol

to extreme minors...

which is grounds

for immediate expulsion.

You have opted to appeal.

The floor is yours.

Ladies and gentlemen...

as you know...

I've been a student here

for seven years, and I've--

Let Van stay!

Let Van stay!

Order! Order!

Settle down, everyone.

- Continue, Mr. Wilder.

- I'm okay.

I've learned a lot here

at Coolidge.

Let the record show that...

when I attended class...

I did receive exemplary marks.

However, it was only when I met

a special someone...

that I realized

what I was doing--

hiding.

See, after this is real life,

and I wasn't ready for that.

I don't know why exactly.

I do know that I don't wanna

end up like my father...

whose whole life

revolves around work.

But I see that now.

And I'm ready to move on.

Well, that's that. Good luck, loser.

Who's ready for lunch?

- Mr. Bagg, you will be quiet.

- What's any of this got to do with...

that he's guilty of an infraction

that deserves expulsion?

Mr. Wilder.

I can't argue

against the infraction.

I was responsible for that party,

so what happened was my fault.

I'm here to lay myself

at the mercy of this court...

and suggest an alternative punishment.

Make me graduate.

If you'll kindly take

a look at my transcripts...

you'll see I'm 18 units from graduating

with a leisure studies degree.

I am pleading to this committee,

reinstate me.

Let me audit my last six classes,

take the finals...

and leave Coolidge with a degree.

God, I've bled...

crimson and blue

for nearly a decade.

This school has given me so much.

Let me repay Coolidge...

by parting ways as a graduate.

What are the courses

Mr. Wilder needs in order to graduate?

Biology, English Lit,

Calculus, Economics...

- Sociology and Political Science.

- Wow.

- That's quite a load.

- Well, Van can handle quite a load.

If we expel him, there could be

some sort of a coup d'tat.

He broke a rule.

He should pay the consequences.

Well, let's take a vote.

There's five of us here.

Majority rules.

I vote reinstatement.

- Mr. Bagg?

- Expulsion.

Miss Haver?

Reinstatement...

over and over.

Okay. Mrs. Seay?

Expulsion.

Professor McDoogle?

You know, I've waited a long, long time

for this day to come.

Either way...

Van Wilder's tenure here

at Coolidge is over.

Let's see what

the kid's made of.

He's in! He's in!

- Hey, Jeannie.

- Look.

I just wanted to explain about

the whole, you know, Richard thing.

Me and Richard's unspoken bond blossomed

the other night in one beautiful...

symbiotic act.

- What sort of act?

- Messing up that Van Wilder party.

And then we bumped uglies.

It was the best ten seconds ever.

Ever.

Yes, these interviews

are somewhat of a formality...

but I think it's crucial we like-minded

people get to know one another.

- I knew you'd come to your senses.

- Hello, Richard.

Look. I know we have a lot of surgery

to perform on our relationship.

But right now I am prepping

for the biggest moment of our lives.

I have a written exam first, and then an

interview with five Northwestern alums.

All doctors.

That's why I came--

to help make you your shake.

- That'd be terrific, Gwenny.

- I'll see you downstairs.

But hurry. Interview's in a half hour,

other side of campus.

Sorry about that.

Northwestern.

I am the sh*t.

You certainly will be.

Gwenny, thank you.

Good luck, honey.

You deserve it.

I certainly do.

Cytosine.

Nothin' but net, my man.

Now remember, before any final,

take a pregame dump.

Thanks for coming in.

You did a great job, really.

Richard!

I was just talking about you.

Hey, surprise.

I'm on your oral exam board.

Look, come in here. I want you to meet

your future alumni.

- I gotta go--

- No, come on. It's a great time.

Look, it's Richard.

Finished his written exam in only

Richard,

I want you to meet Dr. Stern.

Dr. Fine.

It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Bagg.

I've heard a lot about you.

- Dr. Brown.

- This is something of a formality.

We just want to

get to know you better.

And Dr. Smelnick.

Richard, is there something

you want to say?

You look like you want

to get something out, son.

Oh, my God!

- Vile.

- Oh, it burns!

I'm bleeding!

Dear God, that's wretched.

"Oh, I kept the first

for another day.

Yet knowing how way

leads on to way...

I doubted if I should

ever come back."

I want you to tell me what

Robert Frost was trying to express here.

I'm gonna need at least

one more booklet.

- What?

- In other school news...

we have an update

on the "Wilder Watch."

The rigorous day has been

a success for Van the man.

Five finals in the can with Professor

McDoogle's advanced econ final to go.

Van! Van, wake up,

wake up, wake up.

- Your final's in exactly seven minutes!

- All right.

It's the moment of truth, people.

I'm so glad you could fit us

into your schedule this morning.

Wouldn't miss it

for the world, sir.

All right.

Pass these out.

Thank you.

It's getting to be

that time of the hour.

And your time is up, Mr. Wilder.

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