Vegas Vacation Page #4

Randy, this guy is with us.

You take care of him.

We're so impressed with your play

we'd like you to stay here.

Follow me.

And if there's anything you need,

don't hesitate to call me.

Thank you!

Oh, my God!

Card counting, Clark?

Is that legal?

Sharpens the player's edge.

Here are the kids.

What happened to you last night?

What are you having for breakfast?

Coffee.

Three.

Four.

- Gang!

- Don't shout, Daddy.

I had an idea. How about an "alone" day...

where each of us Griswolds

goes out and explores Las Vegas...

in their own way?

I don't think that's a good idea.

- Great.

- Love you.

Be back at 5:
00.

You'll have a great time.

Have fun.

Payback time.

$500.

You don't know when to quit.

Chips.

Changing $500!

Here's an idea.

You give me half the money

you're going to bet, we go out back...

I'll kick you in the nuts

and we'll call it a day?

Pappagiorgio...

enjoying the massage?

I'm enjoying it, Jilly. Really.

You know what your problem is?

You're a nervous guy.

You must learn how to relax.

You're right, Jilly, I do.

Harder on the shoulders.

That's it, kid.

Not that you got that,

we must teach you how to dress.

Now aren't you a little slice of pie?

Are you thinking of dancing?

She's got a body for it.

I do? Thanks.

If you're considering it,

do it while you're young and foolish.

I'm going to college but hoping to do

volunteer work in the summer.

Our prime years are few and fast.

Would've, could've, should've.

Show this girl something with a heel.

Hit me!

Yeah! Twenty!

It's 20. It's a push.

I didn't lose.

That's it, Griswold, you are freaking dead!

I love you, kid.

Outrageous. Where's the family?

They're busy.

Did I come at a bad time? Because...

I could just...

A singer's body is his instrument and

I believe in keeping it finely tuned.

Come in, let's have some fun.

Blackjack.

Blackjack.

Six.

They're not bad.

The boys aren't much to talk to, but if

you need a night away from your cat...

they're more than fine.

What did you say?

I said, "Blackjack!"

Changing $1,600!

Lunch was wonderful.

I hope you enjoyed the company

as much as the food.

Please, madam, chin up.

You know...

I've always felt very blessed

by all the gifts I've been given.

But after meeting you

I realize how truly alone I am.

But, Wayne, you have millions of fans.

Please.

They just love my talent.

I feel so many things right now.

I wish I could spend my life with you.

Well...

we could turn the den into a guest room,

but what about your horses?

Clark pretty much likes the garage

for the car and the lawn mowers.

You're too much.

I have something for you.

It's a lock of my hair.

Gosh!

It's getting late!

I've got to go!

But thank you.

- It's been wonderful.

- Wait.

If you have nothing to do later,

please come back!

I'm making pasta!

Come on, you think this sign's here

to hold down the table?

What can I do with $5?

I don't know.

Buy a bullet and rent a gun?

See you.

Have a good time.

Good luck, sir.

I had a fantastic "alone" day.

It was a great idea.

Where'd you get that stuff?

At the men's store. Ask for Caesar.

My God!

Vickie took me to her stylist.

Did you know there were 92 muscles

in the human throat?

All this time I thought I was

unhappy with you and Mom.

But I was dissatisfied with myself.

That's changed, thanks to Las Vegas!

This is Larry, Kurt and Ira.

They're professional entertainers.

Nice to meet you.

You know what drives me crazy?

The baccarat tables.

Larry can bend his leg up

over his head. Want to see?

You should.

It's after-riding wear.

If those guys weren't bust-outs,

you think they'd be home writing?

Come with me!

Not you!

I know we haven't seen a lot

of each other lately and that's okay...

but we're Griswolds.

We're on vacation.

And starting now, we're going

to have a great time.

But, Dad, we're having a great time.

My sister has the legs of a thoroughbred.

Am I right?

Shut up.

The point is, starting now...

we'll have a great time together!

How?

How?

Well...

How?

We could all...

sit on a bench, as a family...

and watch a Vegas sunset.

Wouldn't that be great?

We could count the bulbs

on the Strip, Audrey.

Larry's taking me to see

the world's largest thermometer.

I got a thing happening downtown.

I mean, you know...

I know.

We can get remarried. Right now.

There's a honeymoon slots tournament

over at the Golden Nugget. And guess?

Newlyweds get in for free.

I've got news for you, Clark.

I haven't said "yes" yet.

If you're too busy...

You hang on a minute!

You brought us on a family vacation...

and we only see you on your way

in or out of the casino!

I've invited you...

You find the Clark Griswold I married...

and tell him I'm at the Mirage!

Come on.

Don't worry about me! I got plenty

I can do on my own in Las Vegas!

Which hand is it in?

Who wants it now? Who wants it?

There you go, you heathens!

Thanks for buying me dinner.

Best $1.49 buffet in town, Clark.

Clark, this is all you can eat.

We only need one plate.

Get me some rolls.

I had that last time. That's good.

Fresh broccoli.

Bless you.

Thank you.

Maybe I'll just replace these

and take a carrot.

How about some macaroni?

- That's good.

- Let's get a little more.

Some of this spaghetti bolognese here.

You're lucky you came on Italian night.

That stuff...

will knock your socks off.

This doesn't look like chicken.

Oh, you're right.

This isn't chicken. This is chicken.

Want some?

Eddie, I think I'll just be over

by the Saltines.

- Here, go ahead.

- Go get us a table.

We'll have some...

of the yellow.

And don't get cheap on me.

This bread pudding's extra runny tonight.

Eddie, when you look at me,

what do you see?

Time's up, Eddie.

I'll tell you what you see.

You see a man...

whose family counted on him

to give them the best vacation ever.

And I can't do it. Because...

You have something on your...

I get it?

You got it.

I've gambled away more money

than you'll ever understand.

Try me.

$22,600.

God!

Oh, God!

Oh, God!

Oh, God!

- Oh, God!

- Please!

I don't know what to tell Ellen.

If I could just get that money back,

I could turn it all around.

You've been so good to Catherine

and me through the years.

I hate to see you down.

I've got some...

money stashed away and...

it'd be my honor to help you

in your time of need.

You mean it?

There's just one problem.

I forgot where I buried it.

Is it safe to be digging like this?

Just watch out for the scorpions.

I got money buried all over this yard.

I used to have quite a little system

for finding it.

Wait, here's something.

$28!

Got one.

Got one. Got one.

$6.

Yuban coffee. You can sprinkle

that stuff on anything.

Ice cream, mashed potatoes, or eat it

right out of the can for a pick-me-up.

Oh, my God.

There must be over $100 in here.

Yeah, that's from when I sold

one of my kidneys.

We didn't need the cash at the time, but...

I figured with all the advances

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