Victoria & Abdul Page #5

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Your Majesty.

What is it?

A mango, Your Majesty.

One moment, Your Majesty.

Uh...

It's off.

Sir Henry.

This mango is off.

I'm terribly sorry,

Your Majesty.

Take one of these

whenever you see the Munshi.

QUEEN VICTORIA:
I can't wait to show

you the tableau, Prime Minister.

A line has definitively

been crossed.

I can't go on stage like this.

I'm absolutely sick.

But you have to.

The Prime Minister

will be watching.

This is a complete

and utter disaster.

I don't know what

you're talking about.

They've been waiting

for this.

Who? Who have?

Ponsonby, Reid,

the whole damn lot.

Don't you see? She's been

rubbing their noses in it,

but now it's going public.

I'm telling you, they're

not going to stand for it.

They'll rise up and chop

your bloody balls off.

I haven't done anything.

You stupid bloody Uncle Tom.

You can't win on their terms.

(INDISTINCT WHISPERING)

Mrs. Munshi.

Bertie.

I've never been so humiliated

in my entire life.

Actually,

I'm rather enjoying it.

Beginners on stage,

please.

A scene in Ancient Persia.

(TRUMPETS PLAYING)

I am the Sultan of Persia.

The King of all Kings.

Your Highness!

We bestow upon you all the

riches of the Orient.

You are now under my power!

Bravo, bravo,

the Munshi!

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

What the hell is this,

Ponsonby? Munshi-mania?

I'm trying to keep

an empire together,

looks like they're

running the place.

I want this whole sodding mess

knocked on the head.

Or you're finished.

Understood?

QUEEN VICTORIA:

Oh, Sir Henry.

Tell us what exactly did the Prime

Minister say about the tableau?

To be entirely frank,

Your Majesty,

he seemed to be

a little perturbed.

Whatever for?

He must have liked

the Munshi.

I think the Munshi was

the problem, Your Majesty.

Really? I thought

he was rather good.

I think he meant his position,

I think he was rather alarmed

he had such a prominent role

in the Household.

QUEEN VICTORIA:
Of course Abdul has

a prominent role in the Household.

He is my munshi.

But he's an Indian,

Your Majesty.

I am aware of that.

Given current sensitivities in

the subcontinent, Your Majesty,

the Prime Minister was

concerned that it might be

sending the wrong message.

I should have thought

it was a jolly good message.

But he's a Muslim,

Your Majesty.

Precisely.

We owe them so much,

do we not?

For their role in the Mutiny,

for example.

The Mutiny, Your Majesty?

Yes, for the help they gave us

with the Hindus.

But the Mutiny was a Muslim-led

revolt, Your Majesty.

Are you sure?

DR. REID:
Of course.

The Muslim soldiers revolted

when it was rumored that their

rifles were greased with pork fat.

Really?

SIR HENRY:

The Grand Mufti, himself,

put out a fatwa against you

personally, Your Majesty.

And Muslim soldiers murdered over

two thousand British personnel.

Who have you been

talking to, Mother?

Ta-da!

I have opened

my heart to you.

I brought your

family from India.

I promoted you in the face

of considerable opposition

and disquiet

from the Household.

I even turned

a blind eye

when you failed to tell me

that you were married,

which, as you know,

came as quite a surprise.

How could you let me

humiliate myself

in front of

the entire Household?

I am deeply sorry,

Your Majesty.

QUEEN VICTORIA:
You said the

Hindus were behind the Mutiny.

ABDUL:
I didn't say

it was only the Hindus.

QUEEN VICTORIA:
You told me categorically

the Muslims were my friends.

ABDUL:
We are

your friends, Your...

QUEEN VICTORIA:
Abdul,

there is a fatwa against me.

It was the Muslims

who started the whole thing.

This is completely

unacceptable.

Abdul, I thought you were outstanding

as the Sultan of Persia,

but I'm afraid

you have to go home.

(MOUTHING)

Hallelujah!

You've hurt my feelings

very much indeed.

Don't you see the position

you have put me in?

Thank you for everything

you've done for me.

I will miss you

a very great deal.

So, we're going home?

Good night, Mother.

Good night.

(THUNDER RUMBLES)

(SIGHS)

Mrs. Tuck?

Mrs. Tuck.

(KNOCKING AT DOOR)

(LIGHTNING CRASHES)

Abdul.

You've been an utter fool.

And I'm absolutely

furious with you.

It is unconscionable

that as my munshi

you should have

lied to me in any way.

But...

It would be also

completely churlish of me

not to recognize

the considerable kindness

and devotion

you have shown.

I suppose in some way you

thought you were protecting me.

But as the monarch I realize that

nothing can really protect me.

And so, in that light,

I have decided,

although I'm

very disappointed,

that I want you to stay.

Your gracious Majesty.

Thank you, Your Majesty.

Abdul, there is something

we must sort out.

I am deeply concerned

about Mrs. Karim.

Mrs. Karim?

By now,

one would have expected

to hear the pitter-patter

of little Muslim feet

along the corridors

of Osborne House.

I am concerned

that everything is

functioning below stairs.

I want you to examine

Mrs. Karim.

Examine Mrs. Karim?

Mm.

Just, um, make sure that

everything's working.

But, Your Majesty,

I thought the Munshi and

his family were leaving us.

Whatever gave you

that impression?

The Munshi and his family are integral

parts of the Royal Household.

BERTIE:

As far as I'm concerned,

this is war.

We're going to dig

up every last bit

of dirt this

blackguard's ever done.

I want someone in India raking

through the family coals.

Your son's out there,

isn't he, Ponsonby?

I couldn't

possibly be involved

in subterfuge,

Your Royal Highness.

Look, very soon

I am going to be King.

You will bloody well do

as you're told!

You'll leave

no stone unturned.

You will make a dossier, and you put

it all down in black and white.

And put an end

to all this sh*t!

For good.

Well, I'd better go

and examine Mrs. Munshi.

ABDUL:
Dr. Reid.

Do come in.

She'll have to

uncover her face.

That is impossible, sir.

I need to see

her tongue.

(SPEAKING URDU)

Well?

She's fine.

SIR HENRY:
Mr. Mohammed.

We have come here because we are

not unaware of your predicament.

That you arrived in the first

place almost by accident,

and now find

yourself stuck here

through a bizarre set of circumstances,

none of your own making.

Nor is it beneath

our notice

that the inclement

English weather

has been the cause

of a precipitous decline

in your general health.

What is more,

you continue to suffer

the vast indignity

of being a servant to someone who

is in many ways your inferior.

So, it occurred

to us that, um,

we might be able to

offer you some help.

Help?

Travel home.

Perhaps a modest pension.

In return, of course,

for, um...

A little information.

You want me to

dish the dirty?

In a manner of speaking.

What would you

like me to say?

Anything, really.

Well, we need details.

What he says.

What he does.

Abdul does what

everyone else does.

He, uh...

He looks for preferment.

He curries favor.

He crawls up

the stinking greasy pole

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