Waiting... Page #8

single one of these lousy cocksucking mother-

So how is everything?

Give me a call

when you get this.

Can you bring this to table 75?

I gotta try to take a piss.

- Okay, good luck.

- Thanks.

Okay, so how would you like

your steak prepared?

Oh, let's see.

Medium, medium-rare.

Well, I want a hot, pink center.

Don't we all?

All right. Do you know

what you guys want?

- I'd like a tossed salad, please.

- Oh, you're bad.

Yo, girI, give me

the instant camera.

Yo, there's a birthday party in the kitchen.

We're gonna take a picture.

Bus table 73 first,

and then I'll give you the camera.

Yeah, whatever.

Ma'am, I don't doubt

the steak was overcooked,

but did you have to eat it all

before you complained about it?

It's too bad chlamydia has to be a venereaI

disease. It's such a pleasant-sounding word.

- Chlamydia?

- Chlamydia.

Chlamydia. I think I might

name my daughter Chlamydia.

Okay, he wanted the jumbo shrimp

with baked potato, and she wanted the-

F***. What did she order?

- I can't.

- Hothead.

Hi. Here's your change.

I hope you guys have a really nice evening.

- F***.

- Hurry up. Come on.

What's taking so long?

Shh. I'm trying to concentrate.

Somebody here?

Hurry up.

This is crazy.

Shh, shh, shh.

No, no. Stop. Stop.

- Here we go.

- Oh, God!

- My f***in' man! Yeah, man!

- You like that?

Yo, give me the f***ing picture back.

So, what are you doing tonight?

Oh, I'm sure I'll end up

at the party.

Oh, yeah?

Do you-

Do you think I-

- You wanna come to the party?

- Well, yeah.

Those guys, they always seem to forget

to tell me where it's at.

Okay. As soon as

I find out where it is,

I'll make sure

to give you directions.

Well, then. Tonight should be a good night

for both of us, huh?

Only 30 more minutes

to go, man.

We better not have no late-night a**hole

comin' in here.

So how'd y'all do tonight?

- I made about 70.

- 86.

I made 67 on a double.

Oh, God.

How pissed are you?

- How much did you make?

- A bill.

I never make- How do you make

a hundred dollars every night?

- You wanna know?

- Yeah.

You really wanna know how I make

a hundred dollars every night?

- Yes.

- It's all about that right there.

Yes!

Yes!

Monty with the assist!

I can't believe how many homos

we got working in here.

It's crazy.

Mitch, cherry-popping time.

Okay, Monty, my b*tch.

Kick me a field goaI.

You know what?

I don't understand.

You plot and you scheme on how to

get the other person to look at your goat

or chicken wing or whatever.

And then when he looks,

you call him a fag.

It's like it's an exercise

in retarded homophobic futility.

You know you girls love it.

So, seriously, ladies,

why don't you wanna play the game?

I really think that we'd be willing

to amend the rules for you.

- Oh, yeah. I bet you would.

- No girI would ever play that game.

Why not?

- You wanna know why?

- Yeah.

- You really wanna know why?

- I really do.

Okay. I'll tell you why.

- It's because of this!

- Oh!

Oh, yeah. Bang.

Pow! Pow! Pow!

It's so angry!

Oh, God.

Does that thing have its shots?

- Put it away. Put it away.

- Dinner is served!

Oh, my God.

Well, it's officiaI.

Now my penis is just for show.

Mitch, you picked a f***ed-up night

to start working here.

- Oh, my God.

- Bend over, boys.

Oh, it's ladies' time.

- Spread 'em. Let's go.

- All right. That's enough.

You loved it.

- Mitch, you're coming to the party tonight?

- Well, yeah-

Great. Let's get

this party started then.

I gotta stop home first.

I'll meet you there.

Why do you have to go home?

Oh. Right. Sorry, Calvin.

Okay, baby doll,

you're definitely coming, right?

If you do everything right,

I will.

Oh, God, Natasha, you're gonna have

to stop that. You're making it hard.

I mean, difficult.

Hey, Cochise, we're out.

I'll see you, okay?

Yeah. I'll see you there.

Okay, I am so ready

to get stupid.

Only three more minutes

till the ball drop, baby. Come on.

Come on.

- Oh, hi there.

- You're not closed yet, are you?

- Not quite.

- Oh, terrific.

- Great.

- Here you go.

And Dean will be

your waiter this evening.

Awesome.

Hey, there, folks. My name is Dean.

I'll be your waiter this evening.

Hello, Dean.

Hey, Chet.

I'm sorry, guys.

Why? Why? Why? Why?

Okay, so I'll go ahead

and put your order in,

and maybe when I come back

we'll catch up a bit.

- Yeah, sounds good.

- CooI.

Oops. How clumsy of me.

Oh, man, look what I did.

I'm all thumbs today.

All right, guys. Here you go, Chet.

You got a steak.

So, did you hear?

I got my bachelor's degree.

Yeah, yeah.

My mother told me.

- That's really cooI. Congratulations.

- Yeah.

- Yeah, I heard you were working here.

- Yeah.

Anyway. Yeah. I just started my new career.

They're starting me off at 48,000 a year.

Wow. Wow.

Yeah, I've been looking at houses.

It's really exciting.

I'll bet.

- So what have you been doing?

- Oh, you know.

Well, I've been working here,

obviously.

And I'm still finishing up at C.C.,

taking a few more classes.

I was actually thinking about

taking an assistant manager-

Could I get some more tea?

Sure. Yeah.

Coming right up.

Hey, Dan, man, we outta here.

Okay, Dan,

I'm just leaving now.

But here are the directions

to the party.

What time are you coming over?

I should be out of here soon.

I'm gonna go home and change

and be right over.

Okay.

I just wanna warn you,

I might be really drunk tonight.

I hope you won't

think less of me.

No. No, I'm not.

I won't.

Okay. Well, I'll see you there.

F***.

- Dean, really, it's-

- No.

It's what?

Here you go, Chet.

It was nice seeing you again.

Yeah, you too, Dean.

Listen.

You take care of yourself.

You too. Okay.

How much did he leave you?

He must have made

a mistake.

Chet, Chet.

I think you made a mistake.

- You gave me a hundred dollar bill.

- No, it's all there.

- We're straight.

- The check's only $31. That's like a $70 tip.

Look, I just thought maybe

you needed it more than I do.

Hey! Dean.

Have you thought about it?

You want that

assistant manager job?

- 'Weiser?

- No, thanks.

Look-

Hello? Hey, Christy.

What's up?

No, I'm not.

No, I was just-

Oh.

Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow, then.

Okay. Bye. Bye.

Bye.

- What's up with Christy?

- Oh, she's-

She's on a date.

That's why she wanted me

to cover her shift.

She's- She's still with him.

God, that's it.

I'm gonna-

I'm gonna change.

Well, good.

You should start tonight.

- Go get one of those high schooI girls.

- You think?

Mitch, I want you to know

that you did a really great job today.

And you didn't even cry once, which

is more than I can say for my last trainee.

So, honestly, you think you can

handle working here?

- Yeah-

- Hey, f*** off for a second. I'll be right back.

Hey, whoa. Amy called,

she told me what happened.

You know what?

F*** Chet Miller.

Hey, man, relax.

All right?

Relax. I'm okay.

You serious?

- I'd be ready to kill someone.

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