Waiting For Guffman Page #4

Oh, they're gonna be...

Never stopping

Never breathing,

working

I don't want to interfere,

but i think it would be...

i think we have

to work on...

i can't hear you.

I think we have to work on

the music a little bit more.

Fine.

But i don't want

to make trouble, so...

and i don't

really want to do this

in front of them,

but i think...

where do you

want to do it?

Well, i think we have to

sit down and make a schedule

that includes

some... some music time,

'cause i think jean and i

have to work...

why are you whispering?

I'm right here,

you know? I don't...

oh, i'm sorry.

Do you want me

to talk louder?

Because i think

that it would be...

well,

now it's too loud.

You know, just talk like

a normal person, ok?

I think what they

were doing was good.

To me, you rehearse,

you rehearse.

You get it perfect. You know

exactly what you're doing.

And then what?

And then you

forget about it.

Let me pinpoint you.

You said they learn it,

they forget it,

and that's ok?

That's f... great.

Well,

they've forgotten it...

but they never learned it.

So when did they learn it?

I'm just saying,

when do we have the time...

but what i'm saying is,

if they're gonna

forget it anyway,

then what difference

does it make?

You see what i mean?

It's like one of those...

it's like a...

it's a zen thing.

It's like, you know...

you know,

how many babies,

you know, fit

in... in the tire thing?

That whole...

the old joke, you know?

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

No, you have a point.

Uh, it's, you know,

an interesting point.

And how'd you

find this place?

Well,

we've... we've been, uh...

coming here for many,

many years.

Oh, yeah,

we come every thursday.

Well, with the rehearsals,

you won't be able to now.

This is true.

You know, in china,

they'll kill a monkey

at the table

and split its head open,

eat the brains

right out of it.

We had friends...

ew.

Barbara and bruce,

remember?

Who went to, uh, china,

and i'm sure...

you're in

the travel business...

that you've been there,

but they went to peking,

where they make the ducks,

and what they say is

that the food over there

is not as good...

you can't get a sauce as

thick and sweet over there.

They don't make it

like that.

Their food is like

steamed or something.

And they should've

called you, because...

yeah, we got

some good packages.

Incidentally, if you two

ever want to get down

to miami, miami beach,

we got a great package.

A week, 2 weeks.

All expense... yeah.

You get everything

you need,

any kind of food

in blaine. You don't...

you know,

you get chinese here.

Uh, no need to go...

we're talking about

miami now, dear.

Yeah, we'd love to go.

We'd love to...

is it a direct?

A week, 2 weeks.

Like there aren't

chinese people in miami.

Well, we should.

You know, we've stopped...

what does that have to do...

of course there are

chinese people in miami.

We're talking

about china now.

I'm talking about

going to miami.

Miami. We're talking

about miami now.

Dear, why don't you put

some food on your stomach

before you have

any more wine?

What's it...

what's it...

shh. Girl talk.

What's it like to be

with a circumcised man?

That is interesting.

I'd ask you more about

that, but ron said...

"that whole

jew thing's..."

aah.

'Cause when ron

had his surgery...

all right, all right,

all right.

When ron had

his surgery, i said,

"hey, circumcise it

while you're at it."

'Cause i had never been

with anyone else.

Rors the only man

i've been with.

Well, what surgery, uh...

did he have some major...

nothing. I had a little

minor corrective surgery.

Could we have some coffee

at this table, please?

It's not minor anymore.

Just...

well, maybe, you know,

we should change the subject.

I had what, you know,

most guys would, uh...

dream of, you know.

And i had to have, uh,

penis-reduction surgery.

I'm sorry?

Penis reduction.

Which there aren't many.

You're gonna say,

"i never heard of that,"

'cause there haven't

been many cases.

I said,

"ron, do something."

And he said, "why don't

you get one of those...

vagina enlargements?"

Oh, dear! Could we have

some coffee over here?

Have you tried

the egg rolls?

Unbelievable.

Let me ask you something.

You're a medical man.

Yes.

I want to ask you

something. If you... you...

oh! Ohh,

for heavers sake! No!

No. No, please.

No! I just want...

doctor, please...

medicine man not go near

dances with stumpy. No.

Everybody, everybody,

i have a little

announcement to make.

I wasrt gonna tell you.

I sent out 10 letters

to different producers

in new york city.

That's great.

This is from

the oppeneimer organization.

"Dear mr. St. Clair,

"in response to your letter

"re:
Blaine, missouri's

"and the debut

of your original musical

"red, white, & blaine,

"the oppeneimer

organization

"is delighted to inform you

"that it will be sending

a representative,

"mr. Mort guffman,

"to view the production

and enlighten us

with his comments."

How about that?

"We thank you

for the invitation."

And it says, "best regards,

samuel oppeneimer jr."

Wow. What does

this mean, corky?

What it means is,

we may be goir

to broadway.

Aah!

Ohh!

Oh, this is

great news!

How about that?

Did you hear that?

My aunt...

i brought out her atlas

that i look at a lot,

this big blue book,

and opened up to new york.

And it's an island,

is really what it is.

It's this...

island full of people

of different colors

and different ideas,

and i can't... it sounds

like a lot of fun to me.

You know, we don't see

much of that in blaine.

I'd like to maybe

meet some guys and...

italian guys or...

you know,

i've watched tv and stuff.

L-i'm gonna be glad to do

the show on broadway,

and there'll probably

be other offers.

Mmm. Keeping

our fingers crossed.

But i don't know if the theater

and the stage is for me.

For one thing,

there's an awful lot

of memorizing of lines,

and i think... and i think...

you know what i'm thinking.

Yeah. That's always

been in your way.

The ultimate goal...

hollywood.

Even when i was a kid

doing my impressions...

"Here's looking at you, babe."

And, uh...

"You don't care

about anyone but yourself."

Who was that?

Henry fonda.

I always have to tell her

who i'm doing.

She always laughs,

"now, who is that?"

But i think, back there,

there's always

the germ in my mind

that that's where i'd end up...

on the silver screen.

And you got the face

for it, too, darlir.

You know, i want to try

that "less is more"

kind of acting,

where you just... when you're

talking to someone,

you close your eyes,

and then you look at them

when you're not

talking to the person.

I mean, you open your eyes

when you're looking away,

but then when you

talk to the person,

you go like that.

And you open your eyes,

and then you look back

at the person,

but you never open your eyes

when you're talking to them.

The guffman news

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