Waiting For Guffman Page #7

and to cook our food.

Done.

Oh.

Oh.

That will be quite enough

of that, billy whittaker.

Just one kiss?

There'll be plenty

of time for kissing

when we get

to california.

lfwe get to california.

Oh, we'll get there.

Blaine fabin will

lead us there.

Hark! A rider approaches.

Blaine fabin

returns!

Whoa!

Ho there!

Whoa, steady.

Gather round

for i have news.

What news?

What did your keen and

perceptive eyes behold?

Just up yonder,

there is a ridge.

How high a ridge,

i could not tell,

for the sun had set

and darkness fell

before i reached

its pinnacle.

Then... a strange thing

happened.

My nose started twitchir.

There was a mysterious

scent in the night air.

What? What kind

of scent?

What was this

mysterious scent?

It was the scent

of salt water!

Oh!

Salt water!

Salt water?

Ladies and gentlemen,

we have reached

our destination!

We have

reached the pacific!

Welcome to california!

Yay!

Yay!

Grab your feller

by the hand

Welcome him

to the promised land

Grab your lady

by the arm

Take her out

behind the barn

Everybody dance!

Whoo!

That was great!

Shut up.

I can't believe...

oh, my!

and the town of blaine kept

a-growir and a-changir.

Every time you looked around,

a new house was going up,

a new family was moving in.

Hurry, agnes.

I am trying to hurry.

There we go.

You got my hat?

Where's my hat?

Your hat? Right here

is your hat, darling.

Mcgillicuddy's orchard became

the blaine elementary school.

They even laid track for

that newfangled invention,

the iron horse,

which brought a pretty

important visitor to blaine.

Yay!

It's president mckinley!

Hurrah! Hurrah!

Good people of blaine,

they told me

my next stop was wichita,

but i said,

"what about blaine?"

Yay!

Hurrah!

I guess i need

a new travel agent.

Mr. President,

in honor of our visit...

yourvisit toourtown,

i present you humbly

with this fair key

to our city.

Well, i do declare,

i believe the key to this city

is larger than

the city itself.

Wait, mr. President!

What have we here?

It's a footstool.

I make them.

Well, isn't

that interesting?

I'll take this back

to washington with me,

and every time

i rest my feet

i'll think of blaine.

Yay!

Hurrah!

Hurrah!

Now, we all know

that politicians

aren't used to keeping

their word...

he's here.

He's here.

I told you

he was gonna come.

Should we start

over again?

He didn't see

covered wagons!

Well, before you know it,

everyone rich and poor alike

had to have a blaine stool

in their home.

The little town never

knew what hit it.

Footstool factories

sprouted up like toadstools.

Everyone had a good job,

everyone was making

a good wage.

Blaine was on the map.

By the pool

In the school,

by the fires of yule

It's the rule

There's a stool,

there's a stool

Stools are where

Once upon a time

you'd find a chair

A chair's for fools

Everybody wants stools

Stool boom

From the parlor

to the pool room

We're the center

of a stool boom

?

Everyone knows our name?

Working, building

Never stopping,

never sleeping

Working, making

Some for selling,

some for keeping

You will drool

At the splendor of

these magic stools

It's the rule

Everyone has a stool

Just 3 legs

It's a thing

for which a monarch begs

Hock your jewels

Use the money for stools

Stool boom

Just 3 legs

and watch the sales zoom

Like a fever,

it's a stool boom

And it's spreading out

from blaine

Working, building

Never stopping,

never sleeping

Working, making

Some for selling,

some for keeping

Working, building

Never stopping,

never sleeping

Working, making

Some for selling

Some for keeping

Whew.

I can't wait

to see the second half.

Allan, his dramatic work...

i mean,

i knew he was funny,

and i knew he could move, dance,

'cause he's that way,

but i think his dramatical work

is so moving that, um...

well, i mean,

i called joyce and i said,

"joyce, bring joshie 'cause

i gotta feed him halftime

'cause i'm just busting."

This is good.

Boy, they're moving.

They're dancing

all over the place

and the songs

are very catchy.

Uh, very catchy.

Can't get a few of them

out of my head.

Almost to

an annoying point,

but i think it's good

when a song is catchy.

From the little experience

i have in show business.

I knew corky that could act

and direct and produce,

but who knew he was going

to act and sing and dance?

You know, he can just do

everything there is to do,

and there's only one

other person in the world

that can do that and

that's barbra streisand.

He is...

I don't know.

An inspiration to this town.

That's... that's what he is.

And i, for one, am very glad

to see that johnny savage

dropped out of the show,

because a couple years ago,

he came into the drugstore

and he tried to steal

my stamp machine,

and that kid is no good.

You could tell just by

his parents he's no good,

and he would not have added

anything to this show.

Where corky

on the other hand...

Iook at him! Did you see...

god, i wish

i was in the show!

I hear that

french girls...

are very pretty.

That they wear

the finest of clothes.

I also hear

that they are experts

in the ways of love.

Ima, i'm going to fight

for my country.

To fight, and yes,

perhaps die

so that young men

from here to timbuktu

can feel the wind of freedom

blowing through their hair.

Oh, monty, i didn't

mean to doubt you.

It's just sometimes i feel

as if i don't really know you.

I would still pay.

A penny for

your thoughts

A dime

for your dreams

Would a shiny

new quarter

Buy a peek

at your schemes?

And when you are away

So far from my side

I will cherish

my penny's won'th

Till at last

i'm your bride

A penny for

your thoughts

Let's call it

a deal

I don't have

any secrets

You know

how i feel

That's it. No, no.

Hey, here.

Where?

You know where

i like the curl.

Ron, i have to get

myself ready.

There it is. Nice.

Now, a little fluff here

and you can work on yourself.

A penny for

your thoughts

It's settled

and done

I'd have offered

a million

I'd have done it

for none

I reckon

we're in love

And married

we'll be

And all

for a penny

A bright

copper penny

The penny

that brought you

To me

It was so good.

I told you you'd be able

to lift me like that.

Ha ha! You were right!

You lifted me up!

Yes, after our brave fighting

boys returned from the war,

things got

back to normal in blaine.

Until one summer night

in 1946,

when unexpected visitors

put us back on the map.

Where are we?

How did we get here?

Is this a dream?

Look,

what is it?

I don't know.

It looks like one of them

new feed storage bins.

That ain't no

feed storage bin!

How did it

get here?

It must've flew!

But it don't

have any wings.

Then i guess

it just dropped...

from somewhere

up there.

Citizens of blaine,

do not be alarmed.

We will not harm you.

We come in peace from

a planet far, far away.

A place we call mars.

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