Waiting For Guffman Page #8

I've heard

of mars.

Where's that?

Stand back and

your queries will be answered.

Look out!

What do you want

from us?

A good question, earthling.

It seemed like

it was time for a change.

Time to take a trip

to see the exciting places

in the galaxy.

For you see...

Nothing

ever happens on mars

No sports

or entertainment

Or swinging bars

You stand around

You stand some more

On a planet named

for a roman god of war

Nothing ever

happens on mars

?

No supersonic airplanes?

No sporty cars

The sun comes up

The sun goes down

You can't

go to the country

You can't go to town

Boring, boring

Boring, boring

Boring, boring

Boring

Well, the town of blaine

has packed a lot

in the last 150 years.

We've had our ups

and we've had our downs.

We've seen our past

and we look forward

to the future.

And when

the challenges come,

we'll greet them

the way americans always do,

with grit,

determination, and pride.

Because that,

my friends, isamerica.

And nothir

says america more to me

than blaine!

Aah! Corky!

Corky!

Mmm! You're so brilliant!

You're brilliant!

Cliff, you're great.

Everyone is so great!

Ohh, dr. Pearl!

Corky, you did it!

Thank you! Mmm!

I'm going to get mr. Guffman.

I'll be right backstage.

It was great.

Hello, how are you?

Hi.

It's nice to meet you.

And you, too.

Boffo socko, corky.

Thank you so much,

mr. Mayor.

Wait'll they hear

about this

at the next mayor's

conference.

Thank you so much.

I know we have

a lot of work to do,

the first act needs...

that was magic.

Thank you very much,

steve.

God!

Thank you so much.

Which we've got... the first act,

it's just up and down.

Kind of dipping in and out,

and i know that,

just don't have the time

to do everything.

So, i'm gonna ask you

point-blank...

do we have a shot

to go to broadway?

Yes, i think so.

Ohh, mamma mia!

That is such good news.

Oh, i can't tell you

what news that is to me.

Would you like

to meet the cast?

I'd like that, yeah.

Oh, great.

Come on with me, you.

Ohh!

Mr. Pro!

Wonderful job.

You, too.

That blaine...

Everybody!

Ha ha ha!

Ohh!

Ohh!

Yes!

Our cast.

Thank you.

You were just great.

Oh ho ho!

Well, i'd like... please,

introduce yourselves.

Sheila... sheila albertson.

I was?

You were great.

Mrs. Ron albertson.

I'm ron albertson.

It's a pleasure to

perform for someone...

this came

a couple hours ago.

I'm sorry i'm just now

getting it to you.

Oh, thank you,

sweetie.

Clifford wooley.

Mr. Wooley.

Nice to meet you.

Allan pearl.

You... you make me laugh.

Oh, it's a delight

to meet you, sir.

Well, i'm sure that

mr. Guffman would like

to say a few words to us.

Hear, hear!

Speech,

speech, speech!

I think there's

some mistake.

My name is loomis.

Roy loomis.

I'm down from deming.

I came down, my niece

had her first baby.

Yeah, it's a boy.

That's what

the balloon is for.

I just wanted

to tell you

how just absolutely

wonderful you all were.

And thank you. And

i'll be seeing you.

And bless you.

He's gonna love this.

oh, boy.

Take our

makeup off. Ahem.

"Snowstorm in new york.

"All flights canceled.

Mort guffman."

I think the one really

important thing that i learned

uh, from my whole experience

in working with corky,

is that

i do indeed have talent.

And a couple of things,

actually.

"B"...i have to entertain.

I have to entertain.

And you have to go

where you are needed,

you have to go where

the crowds are,

and you have to go

where the love is.

And the love, for me,

right now

is in miami.

Not blaine.

My bubbee made

a kishke

She made it

big and fat

My sadie took

one look at it

And said,

"i can't eat that!"

Oh, mama, mama, mama

Oh, mama, me, oh, my

Well, here we are

in the land of dreams,

and don't let anybody tell you

dreams can't come true.

We're an hour from the snow,

we're 20 minutes

from the ocean,

And we're gonna get there

one of these days.

Soon as we get a car.

We don't have a car yet. Who

wants to add to the pollution?

We consider ourselves

bl-coastal if you consider

the mississippi river

one of the coasts.

Wo Extras, let's go.

Over here.

All right. Time

to get back to work.

That's what they're

paying us for.

Can't they even refer

to us by name?

Why can't they say,

"ron, sheila,

we're this way,

please"?

Still the same paycheck,

honey. How you doing?

All right.

You're doing a great

job, incidentally.

Face towards the camera

and smile.

Are you gonna smile?

I think we should

have a line.

I gave him some suggestions.

He didn't want to hear...

we should be

line-dancing.

That's a great idea.

Quiet, please!

Get your finger up.

Keep smiling.

Quiet, please.

I was on

my way to new york,

and then my dad

got out of prison.

Which is good.

He was supposed to be

in there for 10 years,

but i guess since

he didn't kill anybody,

he just... ruined

some property,

that they let him out

after 5.

So, it's... i'm here

with my dad.

And, um...

i've been thinking

of ice cream and stuff

and what i could do

with it.

Maybe... we have a blizzard

and we have a breeze.

We have derbies.

The derbies are really old.

They've been doing derbies...

the chocolate dip...

for, i think 20 years

or something.

I really want to sort of

make a healthy

low-fat or non-fat, um...

healthy...

blizzard.

The first thing i did

when i moved back

to new york city,

was to look up mr. Guffman.

And he was so sweet,

and i think he felt

a little guilty, too,

because he's

offered me the chance

to audition for

his new broadway show

which is a revival

ofmy fair lady.

It's one of my favorite

shows of all time.

And the role is

of 'enry 'iggins,

the somewhat-

stern-taskmaster-

but-he-really-likes-her-

anyway-kind-of-thing guy

who teaches eliza

to speak correctly.

And she of course is of

the cockney persuasion

and drops her hs.

And i've been

working on that at home,

the whole cockney thing of,

"'ello, 'ow are 'oo?"

"Do you want

to go to 'artford?"

"Not live in this 'ell'ole."

And that kind of thing.

I think i'm honing in on it

pretty close now.

And i suppose that

the cake-and-eat-it-too part

of this whole story

is that another dream

of mine has come true,

which is that i've gotten

to open this shop...

where i have all

my show business treasures

and all my memorabilia.

This is without a doubt,

one of my favorite items.

Um, my dinner with andre

action figures,

and what you can do,

which is so cute,

is you can reenact

the whole scene.

You know, where the two guys

talk to each other

and say, you know...

"boy, i'm sure glad

you found a good restaurant.

"You know, it's so hard

these days to get in.

Who do you know?"

"Oh, i just called.

Made a call.

Spur of the moment."

"Ha ha! Oh, you, you can

always get a reservation."

You know.

That's not from the movie,

but you can make up

your own dialogue,

which is one of the great things

about action figures.

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