Waking Up in Reno Page #6

You don't need to be

doin' that.

I wouldn't ever do that.

I just got a tingle.

I'm gonna go get me

some more of these suckers.

I'm gonna have a hard time

keepin' up with Candy,

you know what I'm sayin'?

I'll be back.

[Horn honks]

Oh, look! It's one

of them theme weddings!

Oh, ain't that sweet,

Darlene?

That's it!

That's what Roy and I need.

What?

A theme wedding.

I'd be Dorothy.

And he could be that tin guy.

And we could have...

midgets for bridesmaids.

Why would you dress up like that

for a wedding?

'Cause it's romantic.

[Register beeping]

["Dream on Dreamer" plays]

Well, let's see.

And night...

Up in the clouds

flzing so high

You trz zour best

to stretch zour mind

Come down here, didn't I?

Huh?

[Laughing] I said

I come down here, didn't I?

- Yes, you did.

- Yeah.

Now... you might have to

twist my arm,

but... I'll go up

to your room with you.

Hate to put

zour two feet...

I don't think

you could handle me.

Oh, honey, I could handle it.

There's no doubt about it.

Well...

I don't think

you could afford it.

What the hell does that mean?

It means I see your type come

through here all the time...

all blow and no dough.

Is that a fact?

Dream on, dreamer

Let me show you

somethin', honey.

If zou live to learn

zou'll be luckz one daz

See that?

You know what that is, baby?

A shoe.

[Laughing]

Well, hell yeah, it is.

It's also two months' rent.

Over and over

Well...

You see there?

Rent must be very cheap.

[Music continues]

That was a really shitty thing

to say to somebody.

The old graz mare just

ain't what she used to be

Ain't what she used to be

[Laughing]

Ain't what she...

MAN:

Okay, everybody, we're back.

["No Parking

(On the Dance Floor)" plays]

She can kiss my ass.

[Laughs]

Come over here and just

take over the damn country.

Why not?

[Laughs]

[Clears throat]

Well, f*** her.

She was a lesbian anyway.

I could tell.

She ain't no lesbian.

She's too pretty.

Son, there's all kinds

of lesbians...

pretty ones and ugly ones...

there's all kinds.

She had lesbian energy.

That's all I know.

Well, I'm a lesbian

in a man's body.

I'll tell you,

what got it all started

was that damn Gloria Steinem.

When she started

that women's-lib crap?

It was her and Helen Reddy

and that tennis player

that beat Bobby Riggs.

Let's don't forget

Helen Gurley Brown.

You know what they do,

don't you?

They sit around the house

all day

readin' them girlie magazines

like "Woman's Day"

and "Redbook"

and all that mess.

- And TV.

- Hell, yeah.

Start cryin' with Oprah

all damn afternoon.

Then by the time you get home

from work, sh*t,

they'd rather fight than f***.

Mmm.

Well, I guess

I'm a pretty lucky man,

because Candy has always had

a very healthy appetite

for old Gunther here.

You know, I kinda...

I wonder sometimes

she ain't borderline nympho.

But she ain't always as...

wild and stuff

as she's been lately.

She don't always scream

and holler like that?

She sure does.

- No, she don't.

- Yes, she does.

No, she don't.

I mean... you're kiddin' me.

No, she don't, does she?

You know, sometimes it can be

downright embarrassin'.

Other times it can make you feel

like you're Studly Do-Right.

You're the man.

Know what I'm sayin'?

[Silverware clatters]

I got to pee.

I'll be back.

No parking

on the dance floor

All right

[Sighs] Sh*t.

"Psychic card reading...

Madam Zora."

Oh, come on. Let's go see

what the future says!

- Oh, no!

- Come on!

It's kind of scary.

I don't like it.

Oh, come on!

WOMAN:

This is very telling.

See, the queen depicts a strong

slant to your feminine side.

Hmm...

Feminine side.

Could you be expecting?

[Sighs]

I'm gonna take all of these.

I'm not takin'

any chances tonight.

[Chuckles]

Hell, you know what?

Give me three

of them Butterfingers.

DARLENE:

So, are you excited?

RO Y:
About what?

About the pregnancy test.

Oh. I don't know.

I just don't understand

why she thinks she is now.

She ain't even missed her...

thing or nothin'.

Well, I'm gonna let you in

on a little female secret.

Sometimes you just know,

even before you miss your thing.

I'm not buyin'

all that screamin' and moanin'

and sh*t you've been doin',

just so you know.

What the hell

are you talkin' about?

Don't bullshit me, Candy.

You know what I'm talkin' about.

You're still mad

about our little fling.

You're doin' all that sh*t

for my benefit.

Doin' what?

Screamin' like a stuck hog with

your husband when y'all do it.

But it ain't workin'.

It's a bad acting job.

Who's actin'?

[Chuckles]

Well... all I know is

that you don't make all that

racket when you and me do it.

Well, you figure that out,

Sherlock.

[Sighs]

[Toilet flushes,

Roy groans]

[Handle clicks]

RO Y:
So?

Well, I peed in a cup,

on a stick, on my hand.

I got lines and crosses

and...

...they all say the same thing.

Yes.

Yeah?

Oh, Candy. [Giggles]

No. Baby...

Did you hear?

Yeah?

[Laughs]

Oh, can you hold that?

You mean we're gonna have

a baby?!

[Laughing]

Oh, baby doll!

Oh, I love you!

[Laughs]

You happy?

Yeah. You?

- You sure?

- Mm-hmm.

I love you.

I love you, baby.

I love you.

I love you so much.

[Introduction to

"Baby Got Going" plays]

Babz got to going

on a southern train

Fired- up pistons

drivin' below

And the whole vibration...

Beer.

Beer.

Let's roll

Let's roll...

- Beer.

- Light beer.

- Oh, my God! I won!

- [Coins rattling]

Mz babz got goin'

when the train hit the road

Mz babz got goin'

when the train hit the road

Mz babz got goin'

when the train hit the road

Whoo!

Again!

I got 21!

Mz babz's hooked on me

And as zou can see

I'm wild about her

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,

whoa- oh

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,

whoa- oh

Whoa

[Bells ringing,

coins rattling]

- Oh, my God! It's alive!

- [Screams, laughs]

- Where'd it go?

- It's gone.

Where'd it go? Why is it flat?

[Laughs]

- You think I can hear him?

- I think maybe you could.

- Oh! Aah!

- [Laughs]

Little sucker kicks

like a mule.

[Laughs]

- Hey, honey?

- Mm-hmm.

[Candy laughing]

Could you come sit by me

for a minute?

Sure.

All right.

Here's the deal.

I did pretty good tonight.

You know, gamblin'?

Won a little extra money,

that kind of thing.

That's nice, huh?

[Sniffs]

And... I got this deal that...

Maybe it's not...

I don't know if it's down

your alley or not.

It's just a... little somethin'

I got, and...

Anyhow, well, there.

[Chuckles]

That's for you and everything.

I hope you like it.

I don't know.

I'm not real good

at pickin' sh*t out.

You know that.

Just, you know,

a girl kind of thing.

[Exhales sharply]

[Sighs]

You like it?

Lonnie Earl...

A bracelet.

It's beautiful.

It's not as beautiful

as you are.

Close the door.

Oh, yeah.

I'll be right back.

Don't move.

[Hinges creak]

CAND Y:
Well, look at

you two lovebirds.

Did y'all hear

that earthquake last night?

- [Laughing]

- Stop.

[Inhales deeply]

You want some coffee, hon?

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