Walk of Fame Page #7

Ohh! Rubisio?

He's just so gross. Ugh!

Hey, look, I knew it.

I got the gift, my friend.

The gift?

Yes, the gift of intuition.

We could've had

an oreo cookie, brother.

- Nikki's white.

- I don't give a sh*t. I'm black.

Okay, so I got one double vodka

and one straight cognac

with a splash of jungle juice

and a watermelon wedge.

Watermelon?

F*** is jungle juice, man?

Hmmm...

Come forth.

Hi, Hansel.

Um, is drew here?

He is without presence.

Does that mean he's not here?

Do you know when he'll be back?

I do not.

I also do not know who you are.

This is Hannah.

She's part of our acting class.

Ah. I extend my right hand,

and she offers her left.

Uh, yeah, I'm sorry.

I can't use my right side

of my body.

Because you choose not to move

this side of your body.

No, actually,

it's not by choice.

A beautiful girl

who is a nonconformist.

The magnitude

of such copious assertion

is far too sagacious

for me to comprehend.

Therefore, I hesitate

to articulate

with any degree of accuracy.

Wait.

I worked my ass off to be

the best actor in this biz,

but I can't change who I am.

I can't change

the way I was born.

I think you just need

to stay positive, Teddy.

How do you know there's not

a movie being written right now

about a leading man

who's also a little person?

What does that have

to do with anything?

I'm talking about dealing with

the backlash of discrimination.

Well, as a little person, right?

No, you idiot, as a homosexual.

- Sh*t!

- Okay, all right.

When I first started,

I was a total basket of nerves,

but then I just let

the adrenaline take over

and unleashed my beast,

just like Evan taught us.

Oh, god, you guys.

I-i gotta go.

- What?

- My ex. My ex is in there.

I can't deal with this

right now.

I think I know

what you need, Teddy.

Let me go.

Yeah?

Tell me to let you go,

or I'll hold you like this

all day, woman.

Let go of me, you a**hole.

I'm warm, I'm warm.

Freeze, pervert!

You have three seconds

to put that child down

or you will be tased!

You again?

Oh, sh*t.

No! What? No!

First, girl scouts,

now little handicapped boys?

What? No!

You are sicker than I thought,

you sick little pervert!

Teddy, tell them.

It's a misunderstanding.

Officers, I'm 26 years old.

He's just helping me so I could

go inside and blow 'em away.

- What?

- Oh, sweet Jesus.

It's okay, little boy.

You don't have

to blow anyone today.

I'm not a little boy.

You can go shove that

up your black ass.

God! Teddy, are you okay?

Step back or you will be tased!

- Who are you?

- My name is Hugo.

What the hell

are you doing here?

I was inside just having

my normal vanilla nut latte,

skinny girl edition,

and I saw this beast

manhandling my little Teddy.

Are you this little boy's

father?

No. He use to be my lover.

He was amazing.

He would get to places

you never...

Oh, my god.

You know your friends are gonna

be at that showcase tonight.

- Apparently.

- You're supposed to be there.

What do you think they're gonna

say when you don't even show up?

- How do you think they'll feel?

- Who cares?

Anything else?

No, thanks.

Look, that's messed up, drew.

If you say

you're gonna do something,

then, man, you gotta do it.

All your peeps

are gonna be there

while you're sitting

at a dive bar.

Come on.

Let's go.

I'll take my watermelon.

Little boy,

I'll be right back for you.

We will find your parents

today, sweetheart.

Don't either of you

move a muscle!

- Let's go, rookie.

- You gonna pin me down?

I unleash beast.

Let's go! Hurry up!

I no wanna miss showcase.

You guys just go without me.

I can never keep up.

Yeah, right.

Let's saddle up, dudes.

Oh, my god, Teddy!

What the hell is happening?

Stop being such a queen.

I'll be fine. Leave me alone.

- Where are you going?

- I'm going to the showcase.

- I gotta unleash my beast.

- Where are you taking him?

Shut up, Hugo.

Don't you die on me!

Okay, I don't even know

how to turn this thing on.

Honestly, I never driven

one of these.

I've never even

ridden a bicycle. Sh*t!

Ladies and gentleman,

please allow me to introduce

the one and the only

star-studded ensemble,

I give to you...

The Starmaker academy!

Once upon a time

in a land far, far away

lived a very selfish king.

I am both intelligent

and handsome.

Are there any men

greater than me, my loves?

Your greatness

goes unparalleled, my love.

You are the greatest king

in all the land.

And that is why I shall

wed even more wives.

A male specimen of this caliber

shall not be hoarded

by merely three women,

for I desire more wives.

May we ask that you

not take another lover,

for we are beginning to feel

like just a number, my love?

A**hole.

Heidi, my queen,

you have always been

the quiet one in the group.

I suggest you keep quiet,

or I'm gonna toss your ass

out of this castle

and into

the urine-filled streets.

Cold.

Why don't you have

a car again, Nate?

You might find it funny, drew,

but the environment is no joke.

Let me get off this thing.

F***ing segues.

One of the king's guardsmen

appears,

bearing news

of a recent discovery.

King Rubisio,

Grant thy servant Liberty

to speak freely

to thy greatness.

Yes, my guardsman, but first,

who is the most handsome king

in all of the land?

You are, king Rubisio.

Though my gate does not swing

in that direction,

I am confident enough

to compliment.

Why have you come bothering me

and my lucky concubines?

Your warriors have returned,

good sir.

They have come

bringing you a new wife.

Send them in, my guardsman.

Hello, my good king.

We've returned from our travels

and brought to you

the beautiful woman

in all of the land.

Whoa. I thought I was

the most beautiful queen.

Silence!

Hold this.

Bring forth the prisoner

and let me examine her myself.

Well, what do you think?

Is this object of affection

pretty enough

for the king of all kings?

Pretty enough?

Are you serious, Rubisio?

Hannah's way too hot for you.

She doesn't deserve

a jerk like you.

Shut up, you idiot.

That's not part of the scene.

Tell it to someone who cares.

Warriors, come forth

and put this moron in the hole,

for he has shown

great disrespect.

I will wed

this prisoner of love.

I shall make her

my concubine immediately.

Bring forth the priest.

Que se dice, my reverend.

Good day to you, my king.

What a beautiful young bride

thee has selected.

You are a lucky king.

I am a deserving king.

Now begin the ceremony,

for I am growing increasingly

anxious to bed down my new wife.

Please, king, have mercy on me,

for I love another man.

It is he I wish to live happily

ever after with, not you.

Silence!

You are now mine,

and you will forever be mine.

Continue with the ceremony now.

If no one objects to these two

wedding this day...

Unhand her!

Unhand my beautiful wife,

you filthy king,

for I have traveled a fortnight

to fend off this ferocious king.

But now as I stand before you,

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