War of the Buttons Page #3

I knew I should never have come.

- Where are the others?

- I don`t know. I`m going home.

- (Wails)

- Tell Mam you fell over, OK?

And stop your yelling.

- What in hell happened to you?

- There were hundreds of `em.

- They were too strong.

- You`re joking, they`re Carricks!

- Yeah, they beat the stuffing out of us.

- Quit whingeing.

- What`s Tich done?

- Dead leg.

Leave him here, we`ll pick him up

on the way back. Come on.

Back?

Are you fit or not?

Yeah, but...

Riley?

I think...

Then come on.

- Give up, you pillock.

- Surrender.

Come and get me.

Gonna have to come down sometime.

Gonna have to pee sometime

and I know where l`ll be aiming.

Fergus!

Fergus!

Fergus is coming!

Brendan, Chick, keep him up there,

the rest of you take cover.

Look out, Fergus, they`re...

Oh!

Sorry.

(Both grunt)

Get him.

Give us a hand, will you?

(All) Fergus!

Don`t worry, l`ll be all right.

Scram!

I`ve got his neck.

- Bring him to that tree, lads.

- Yeah, you maggot!

Don`t hurt me, don`t torture me,

l`ll tell me daddy.

Cut me mickey off, would you?

Yeah!

- That`s enough.

- He did it to me.

OK, then,

Iet`s give this fella

a pig with the same snout.

(All) Yeah!

(All) Yeah!

(All) Yeah!

- (All) Yeah!

- Go on.

- Push off!

- Get back to Ballydowse.

Run off home to Mammy, tosspot!

And your daddy,

if you ever find out who he is.

Shut your mouth!

Lay off.

And where the hell

have you been, huh?

Out gallivantin`

while l`m doin` your chores.

Now, I warned you, boy,

l`ll have you sent...

Leave him eat.

You can talk about gallivantin`.

I`m workin`, sellin` horses,

to buy the crust

that he`s shovin` into his lazy gob.

It`s real hard work at those horse fairs.

Liftin` pints is fierce tirin`.

You do a deal and you drink on it,

that`s the way.

If it was up to you,

we`d be all eatin` hay, huh?

Where were you anyway,

you little bastard?

Now look what you`ve done,

you`ve ripped his bloody jacket!

It wasn`t stitched properly.

It was properly stitched

until you grabbed him, you big ape!

- Don`t you shout at me!

- Now look what you`ve done!

Shut up!

I`ve got no buttons or nothing nowhere.

No laces, no belt,

so quit yelling, the pair of you.

All my buttons are off

and my tie`s ripped to shreds.

And you`re not made of money,

so give me a good whipping

and get it over with.

Who did this to you?

You tell me or else.

If I told you, l`d only get the same,

so get it over with.

Go easy on him, that`ll do no good.

Tell him we`ll send him to school naked,

that`ll teach him.

(Fergus groans)

(Groaning continues)

(Laughs)

You`re a fool, Fergus, do you know that?

And mainly to yourself.

Yes, sir.

(Laughs)

- You`re asking for it, boyo.

- I can`t help myself, sir.

Something funny inside my head,

it won`t go.

- (Master) Have you now?

- Not a brain, that`s for sure.

You shut your face!

(Bell)

Maybe later we`ll all share the joke.

Right, playtime.

Out with the lot of you.

- You too, Fergus.

- Me, sir, aren`t I kept in?

Correct.

Wasn`t that serious enough, sir?

- What?

- Laughing, sir, to be kept in?

- Do you want to be kept in?

- No, sir.

Then keep your mouth shut.

What is it now?

- I have to know something, sir.

- What do you wanna know?

What`s serious and what`s not,

what`ll have me in trouble? It`s important.

It`s me daddy,

he says he`ll have me sent away.

Away?

- Where to?

- Just away.

He says he can get an order

or something.

Well, he can`t. Only a court.

If you`d stop foolin` about,

do something constructive...

- I can fish, catch rabbits and hares.

- Fergus...

you might be a big wee fella

in Murphy`s Dunes,

but round here, l`m the boss.

Here, I like to be respected, OK?

Just give me a bit of effort and l`ll speak up

for you if ever ``away`` is on the cards.

Yes, sir.

By the way, what was the joke back there?

I could do with a laugh.

I messed up my clothes a bit

last night, sir,

and my mammy said

she`d send me to school bare-arsed.

I find that prospect more horrifying

than amusing.

Yes, sir.

It`s just given me a funny idea.

Here. Run for it, run for it!

- What`s up with him?

- He`s done his thumb.

- The Carricks?

- Sort of.

- It was those buttons you gave him.

- Shut up, will you?

He hid them on top of the toilet, slipped,

and the whole lot came down on him.

Don`t worry, Little Con, wait till you see

what l`ve got for them next. (Laughs)

Jonjo!

Oh, no sign of peace talks yet?

Change of venue, somewhere

we can give them a real surprise.

What`s up? Too many dead bodies

piled up at Murphy`s Dunes?

- Any sign?

- No. Only Tim,

he`s trapped up there in the stones.

Fergus and the rest have chickened out.

Chickened out?

OK, surround the stones,

but keep a good lookout for the rest.

Here we are again, Tim, boy.

On your own, are you?

Coming down this time or do we drag you?

Ha! You couldn`t drag a baby

from its cradle.

Brendan, Chick, have every stitch off him.

- The rest of you...charge!

- (All) Charge!

(All shouting)

(Horn)

(All cheer)

Aargh!

(All shouting)

Charge!

Stand your ground, stand your ground!

Come back, come back, stand and fight.

Go on, lads, get `em! Go on, lads!

Hee-ah!

(Distant shouting)

Get out of me way!

(All shouting)

- We`ll get you back.

- (All) Yeah!

Now!

(Cheering)

(Cheering)

Yes!

- Ahh!

- Run!

(Groans of pain)

Oh! Oh!

- Oh!

- Shut up, will you?

I`m scratched and stung all over.

I knew I shouldn`t never have come.

Quit whingeing.

We licked `em, didn`t we?

Yeah, with girls.

And what`s wrong with girls?

Nothing.

Just like to have known, that`s all.

Prancing around stark naked`s bad enough,

having women laughing at you?

What`s up?

Ashamed of what you`ve got?

It`s a free country, l`m not fighting starkers

again, you can forget it.

Yeah, and l`m not losing no more buttons.

Some of us have got decent clothes,

even if you haven`t.

So you won`t fight, is that it?

It`s not our fault, Fergie.

Yeah, it`s our parents, they`ll kill us.

Kill us?

What`s a few buttons off to you lot, eh?

What`s your shirts destroyed to you?

Nothing.

I`m the one that`s getting sent away.

You can go to hell, the lot of you.

(Door bangs)

(Crying)

Fergus?

- Fergus, what`s wrong?

- Go away.

Go away, leave me alone.

(Master) Poblacht...

- (Master continues speaking Gaelic)

- (Whispers) Oi!

(Master speaks Gaelic)

Gimme that paper, Riley.

- Paper, sir?

- Yes, in the lrish...

(Speaks Gaelic)

Paper in your hand.

Did you not know it was there?

We learn something every day.

Sit down.

Fergus, did you write this?

Sir, I did.

Come up here.

Read it out.

- Sir?

- Read it aloud.

- To find the money...

- (Translates in Gaelic)

..to buy buttons, shoelaces,

ties and belts...

(Master translates in Gaelic)

-..everybody must...

- (ln Gaelic)

..pay a tax of one pound a week.

(Master translates in Gaelic)

Now...

Everybody, in best writing,

one hundred times in your native tongue.

(All sigh)

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