Watermelon Man Page #7

my middle name is janine.

oh.

so don't you

"jemima" me, jeff gerber.

if you've been keeping

some racial secret

about yourself from me,

well, just don't you

"jemima" me!

oh, i get it!

you're getting

a little worried.

you're just not certain

about things anymore,

are you?

well, there are

children to consider.

[ringing]

what do you think,

right number or wrong?

i don't care anymore.

it's been ringing all day.

every bigot in this town

is honing in on us.

hello?

(wainwright)

jeff? it's dr. wainwright.

yes. what is it?

it's not hay fever.

oh, good.

thought i'd let you know.

yes. thank you.

let me know as soon as you

find out about ragweed.

i'll call immediately.

dr. wainwright.

you'll be happy to know

i'm not suffering

from hay fever.

i'm a nervous wreck.

i'm going to bed.

oh, i thought

we'd stay up a while

and do a little humming.

i'm going to sleep.

you can turn off the phone

if you like.

can't. might be

my ragweed calling in.

suit yourself.

don't be frightened.

it's just me, black bart.

have something to eat?

just chicken.

watermelon

doesn't taste good to me

unless it's freshly stolen.

mind if i get in bed?

(tom harkness on t.v.)

this is tom harkness

in the downtown business area,

where police are just now

bringing under control

a riot.

althea?

within minutes

the area was overrun

with pickets, militants,

and housewives

for lower food prices

when an unidentified

drunken negro

was denied admission

to the hagstrom yacht club.

though

the actual identity of the man

is not known for certain...

if only they

wouldn't be so pushy.

[phone rings]

hello?

(man)

jeff gerber?

yes.

move out, n*gger.

was it dr. wainwright?

i certainly hope not.

althea,

it's wednesday night.

why don't we

have a little drink?

wednesday?

no, it's thursday.

let's pretend

it's wednesday.

i'm in need

of some human affection.

i understand,

but not tonight, ok?

i hate to tell you this,

but i'm beginning to feel

just a little bit unloved.

i mean,

it may be old-fashioned,

but where i come from,

a guy's wife sticks

real close to him

in time of stress.

well, uh, not tonight.

something i said?

we could change sides

if you'd like.

that's damn white of you.

[phone rings]

hello?

(wainwright)

jeff, it's not ragweed,

asthma, or anything

to do with the kidneys.

good, keep me posted.

i'm staying with it

all night.

thanks, doctor

, i appreciate it.

[phone rings]

hello?

(man)

jeff gerber?

he's out bailing cotton.

can i take a message?

move out, n*gger.

jeff, don't anger them.

just don't anger them.

don't anger them?

you mean,

they're not angry already?

what must i do

to get 'em angry?

try and get into one

of their yacht clubs?

good morning, mr. gerber.

morning, erica.

when do i get to

see your switchblade?

call me.

morning, gladys.

mr. townsend's

waiting to see you.

he's fit to be tied and...

dr. wainwright called twice

and wants you to call

as soon as you come in.

thank you, gladys.

(wainwright)

jeff, it's no longer a joke.

it has nothing to do

with allergies,

blood counts

or electrocardiograms.

and it has nothing

to do with soy sauce.

we've run 18 different tes

on soy sauce,

and the opinion is that

soy sauce is more apt to

make you oriental than negro.

c'est le guerre.

(jeff)

that's logical.

i spent the entire night

in the trenches

with doctors carson,

harcourt, whittemore,

o'neil, and hamilton.

and they're firmly

of the opinion that...

jeff, i'm not one

of those doctors

who believes in

keeping the truth

from a patient.

did you know that

the first man to die

in an american war

was a black man,

crispus attucks?

what i'm getting at is,

jeff, you're a negro.

when do you want

to see me again?

i don't think

it's necessary.

closing the book

on me, huh?

now, with your approval,

i'd like to turn

your case over to

an outstanding young doctor

who's a member

of your own race.

dr. john l. catlin,

you may have heard of him.

what's the "l" for?

lincoln?

you do understand,

don't you, jeff?

of course.

good.

well, perhaps we'll bump into

each other again some day.

maybe at the newport regatta.

mr. townsend is waiting.

you disappeared on me

yesterday, gerber.

(jeff)

i'm sorry. i thought

it was important.

it wasn't.

look, i want

a negro representative.

but i will not tolerate

any lack of diligence.

i understand.

good. now,

i want you to turn over

all your files to brandon.

he'll service them.

you can still get

the commissions.

this is the area

i want you to work in.

the sooner you get started,

the better.

any questions,

come directly to me.

oh, uh,

by the way, gerber,

i notified the n.a.a.c.p.

and core

that we have a negro

on our staff.

they're both quite pleased.

don't let 'em down.

these policies

aren't quite correct

for a man in your bracket.

i'd recommend that

you set aside a bit more

for your future children's

education.

i'm very happy to say that

for the first time today,

i'm gonna recommend

that somebody buy

an insurance policy from me.

i strongly suggest that

you, uh, invest some

of your widow's pension

in income-earnin

g stocks and bonds.

and i'd be glad

to recommend a man.

he's white.

many people are.

well, gerber,

it looks to me as though

you've been giving out

quite a bit of free advice

these past few days.

(jeff)

that's part of the job,

isn't it?

maybe, but on your first day

you made 9 calls

and sold one policy.

3 policies

you did nothing about,

and 5 policies

you re-arranged so that--

so that our company loses

$363 in annual premiums.

but eventually,

all those people will

become good customers

only because

i took the time--

oh, nonsense.

gerber, those people

don't know the first thing

about insurance.

you would be

doing the community

a public service

to sell them

all the insurance you could

so that they would never

become a drain

on our society.

every one of those homes

i visited in the last few days

was occupied

by personable, responsible--

horse crap!

look...

? excuse me, buddy, but ?

? excuse me, lady, but ?

? you foolin', ain't ya? ?

? where can i be? ?

? this ain't america,

is it? ?

? oh, lord,

where can i be? ?

? this ain't america,

is it? ?

? no, this ain't america ?

? you can't fool me ?

(catlin)

you're wrong to go on trying

to fool yourself.

? this here's

the home of the sheriff ?

? not the land of the free ?

? in america, folks don't run

through the streets ?

? blood streaming ?

? from where they been beat ?

? and the parks

is for the people ?

quite a background.

dean's list 3 times,

college graduate,

excellent service record.

17 years in the

insurance profession.

? and the cops

in the good old u.s.a. ?

? don't they need

some kind of gods either? ?

? no, this ain't america ?

? you can't fool me ??

[tractor engine running]

you're not kidding, man.

take jamie over there,

he's got 13 years.

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