We Love You Page #4

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of planes with you, but I am.

But you know what he is gonna do?

He's gonna read books with you.

He's gonna talk about art.

You know, art?

And he's gonna...

he's... he's gonna...

But look,

what we're saying is,

date both of us.

But, like, at different times.

We want to be

your boyfriend.

Wow, um...

here's the thing, guys.

I want you to know

that I like you both a lot.

And at this point, I would hate

to choose between you both.

Then don't choose.

You don't have to.

Yeah, but this three-way thing

is kind of crazy.

You're right.

It's crazy. We...

No, no.

But that's why I love it.

- What?

- See?

Yeah, I love it.

I mean, it's different

from any other relationship

I've ever been in,

and they've all been super bad,

so it can't be that bad, right?

- No. It's not bad at all.

It's actually great. -Yeah.

But aren't you guys gonna start,

like, I don't know,

fighting or anything?

- No, no, we're best friends.

- Yeah.

We've been through

so much worse.

We're good.

We've been through worse.

All right.

Let's do this!

What if everything feels

different now with her?

It's not gonna be different.

You've gone on a couple

of dates with her.

They went great, right?

Yeah, but now

it's, like, official.

We're both, like, officially

dating the same girl,

which is just gonna be awkward.

It's not gonna be awkward.

Just keep doing what you're doing,

and all will be fine.

- All right, look. Here.

- What's this?

My lucky flask. Well, one of

my lucky flasks.

Just put some bourbon in it,

and no matter where you are

or what you're doing,

if you have that,

you'll be okay.

These sound like

famous last words.

Hey, a**holes,

I'll take a drink.

That's cute.

My dad and my mom...

I don't know;

they separated,

and he's been gone

for a while.

You know, me and my father

used to come here all the time

to go fishing.

I was actually

a really good fisher.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

He's like my best friend.

And I'm talking too much.

No, no, no,

no at all.

- Yes, I am!

- No, I...

Look, I enjoy listening

to you.

All right.

- Whoa!

- This is stupid.

But I love it.

I love it.

Let me show you

what I got.

Wait, wait.

Oh!

Oh, my God!

- That was close.

- Wow.

Have you always loved

taking pictures?

Yeah, I mean,

if you think about it,

it's the only thing

that freezes time.

Okay, maybe one day,

you'll be like, you know,

a famous photographer.

I mean, I would love to be

like Annie Leibovitz.

You know who she is?

An... Annie Leibovitz!

Yeah!

She's my favorite!

She's my favorite too.

Noah, everything you know

about Annie Leibovitz

- in, like, three seconds.

- The photographer.

Yeah, but give me more,

because Callie brought her up

in a conversation,

and I didn't know what to say.

I felt like an idiot.

She took that famous portrait

of John Lennon and Yoko Ono

when they're lying

in the bed naked.

Okay, perfect, perfect.

That's more than enough. Thank you.

- Hey.

- Hey.

You know what?

While you were gone, I was thinking.

You know what I want to do

with you?

We should re-create

that famous John Lennon

and Yoko Ono picture

that Annie Leibovitz took.

It's, like, my favorite

picture of all time.

Well, you know what?

I don't like that one that much.

What others do you like?

Ye... um...

I... I like the...

Okay, I don't know anything

about Annie Leibovitz.

I just found out that fact 'cause

I kind of wanted to impress you.

- Really?

- Yeah.

Well, you did.

Well, it sounds like

everything is running

like a German auto factory.

As they say, hitchless.

It's going great,

and the best part is

there's no pressure.

It's just pure fun.

Well, I'm very happy for you.

And you too, Noah.

Huh?

You work well together.

You two are ninjas

in the same dojo.

Just make sure

your swords don't cross.

You told Matthias?

No, I... I didn't.

Then who did?

Okay, yeah, I did,

but it's fine.

He can give us

beneficial advice.

He does weird stuff

all the time.

Did you know he was

a live-in sex butler

for a man and woman

in Stuttgart?

So? Dude,

as soon as Ed finds out,

he's gonna freak

and he's gonna fire us.

He's not gonna fire us.

We've been killing it for him.

Yes, he will.

Dude, he's so Christian,

he still watches

Veggie Tales movies.

He doesn't have kids.

Matthias knows better

than to tell anyone.

We know all his

deepest, darkest secrets.

Well, well, well.

I'm impressed.

I always thought of you boys

as typical straight dudes,

but it turns out you're more

adventurous than I thought.

Keep up the good work.

You always need to get relationship

advice from your gay friend.

So we should

have the talk.

'Kay. What talk?

The sex talk.

What talk?

The sex tal...

I'm asking,

have you had sex

with Callie yet or not?

You haven't told me, so...

No, no, no!

Okay, cool.

Okay.

I've been taking it slow.

Yeah, cool.

Have you?

Uh, no.

Oral?

Uh, uh, just kissing

so far.

Okay.

All right, we can't be weird

about this.

Yeah, no, I know.

No, like, this is

our make-or-break.

One of us is gonna

get there first,

and the other cannot

freak out about it.

No freaking out.

Got it.

But...

But, like, which one of us

gets to go there first?

You know what I mean?

That's not our decision

to make.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, I know that.

But I just wonder, like,

we could both agree to...

Or we both agree

to just be cool about it.

I'll hang out. You got to go

to the gym, right?

- Not after this little talk.

- Okay, let's flip a coin for it.

No way.

Then what do you suggest?

Well, tonight's gonna be

our first double date, I guess.

Which is weird.

I mean, on top of

the already weird situation.

Now that I told you

about your arrangement,

are you, like, disgusted

with me and Ford?

Oh, no, not additionally

disgusted.

Just the same as before.

But, like, in a good way.

No. You realize when one of you

has sex with her,

things are going

to implode, right?

Oh, come on.

I mean, we have our own, like, styles

and vibes and stuff. We're good.

None of those things,

like, help the situation.

But whatever you say.

You do you.

Just call me right after.

Not right after.

Maybe the next day.

Whenever you feel comfortable

and are fully clothed,

give me a buzz.

Okay.

Thanks for listening.

I figure Ford's, you know,

just proclaiming it

to the office,

so, you know, I thought

it might be a good idea

to get a female opinion.

Yup, that's me.

All female, all opinions.

Welcome to the mill.

All right, right there.

Come here.

I want to show you, like,

my favorite thing in the world.

This is Big Buck Hunter.

I have the high score

right here, as you can see.

My hunting persona

is One Shot.

- You?

- One Shot, baby.

Oh!

All right.

Look, the objective is to actually

kill the animal, so no playing nice,

okay?

- You know how to use this?

- I got it. Yes, I got it.

- This is how you-

- I know how to hold a gun.

- All right, reload.

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