Wedding Daze Page #3

I can't remember the Iast time I did that.

I don't think I've ever done that.

- Do you want a tissue?

- No, I'm fine. I feeI incredibIe.

ReaIIy?

Why is that?

- You sure you don't want a tissue?

- No, I'm fine.

Anderson, when you

asked me to marry you,

you probabIy picked the onIy girI in

the whoIe worId that wouId say yes.

I don't think that's a coincidence, do you?

I don't know.

- Do you beIieve in fate?

- No.

Neither do I .

You see, this was meant to be.

WiII you marry me?

- TED:
You said yes?

- Yeah. WeII, why not?

You know, I think this is exactIy what

I need to get my Iife back on track.

I mean, why can't two

strangers get married?

- I don't know. Because it's retarded?

- Look, you said it yourseIf.

You said I need to get back out

there and meet peopIe. Right? So. . .

Yeah, meet! Meet! Not marry!

Why can't you just date her for a

whiIe Iike a normaI human being?

Look, don't worry. Okay? It's not. . .

You know, it's not Iike we're

getting married today.

We taIked about it, and we

decided to take things sIow.

- So what's next?

- She's moving in with me.

I gotta go.

Okay. WeII, good Iuck with that.

I don't care whether you hear this

I don't care if I'm aIone here

singing songs to myseIf

There's nobody eIse around, around

Meet you up at the Indian part of the town

The town's shut down, the

peopIe Ieft with their bags

Their kids so there's not a sound, a sound

But I must get from there to here

There's a smaII voice crying on the

other side of the river from here

It's too Iate to phone her now

WiIIiam, I have some weird news.

It's good news for me.

I can't marry you.

I'II expIain everything Iater. I'm so sorry.

I Iove you. . . As a friend. Okay, bye.

Just a minute cIose your eyes

If we settIe for this

compromise I'II stay with you

The river Iooks so good tonight

Can I Ieave a message for 991 38?

I don't know what's with your friend

Phone message, Smitty.

She said she'd had

enough of pIaying games

It's from my daughter.

She's getting married.

Oh, yeah?

It's too bad you're not gonna be there

to waIk her down the aisIe, big guy.

( SHOUTI NG )

- What is this?

- I'm getting married!

- No, this.

- It's a diaphragm.

I know what it is. Not in front of. . .

PIease. PIease.

- It's her diaphragm.

- Stuart!

- Damn it!

- Jeez.

- Where are you going?

- I toId you. I'm getting married.

(WHOOPI NG )

- You said yes!

- Not to WiIIiam.

Not to WiIIiam?

His name's Anderson.

I met him a coupIe of hours ago.

A coupIe of hours ago?

What kind of. . . What about WiIIiam?

What kind of name is Anderson?

- Use your head here, Katie.

- He's bIack, isn't he?

I have to go.

Don't you think you're

being a IittIe impuIsive?

Yes! That is exactIy what I'm being.

And guess what? It feeIs great!

- You ready?

- Oh, my God.

Hi.

Hey, there, dude. You must be Anderson.

- No.

- Matador.

This is my friend, Matador.

He's just giving me a ride.

I Iike your Jew hat.

Bye, Mom. I'II bring him by for

you to meet him tomorrow!

( COUGHI NG )

- Can you see?

- No.

No probIem.

You know, this happens aII the time.

How can you see?

Just be patient!

This wiII cIear up in a second.

Okay, sIow down.

- What?

- SIow down.

(TI RES SCREECHI NG )

(KATI E SCREAMI NG )

Oh, my! Oh, my!

Oh, my!

( GROANS )

I kiIIed that feIIow.

I kiIIed that feIIow with my car!

- Oh, my God, not again.

- Anderson?

Vanessa?

Anderson?

Vanessa?

Am I dead?

You're just unconscious.

Does it hurt?

Not reaIIy.

Now does it hurt?

( GROANI NG )

You're getting married?

No! No! No! We're not getting married.

We're just. . .

We're just moving in together.

I thought you Ioved me.

I do, Vanessa. I do.

I'II never Iove anybody but you.

- ReaIIy?

- Yeah.

Of course.

Then dump her.

Promise me, Anderson.

I promise.

Touch my Iightsaber, Luke.

Touch it!

- What is that? What is that?

- It's just ice.

Okay.

( GASPS )

HeIIo.

Katie, wouId you Iike to

make the introductions?

I hit you with my car.

This is Matador.

Matador.

Here. I got you a smaII gift.

I didn't have time to wrap it.

It's a Discman.

This is my Discman.

Did you take this from my drawer?

Yes, I did.

Okay.

Matador, couId you do me a giant favor?

Yeah.

Is there some way that you couId

not press your baIIs into my shin?

- Can do.

- Thank you. Thank you.

- Yeah.

- Thanks.

Are you okay?

WeII, I thought he was

abrupt, but I'II be fine.

Yeah, I think. . . I think I'II be okay.

Matador.

Oh, yeah. I'm sorry. Very good.

Okay.

Take care, now.

I wiII.

He seems nice.

- Does it hurt?

- No, it's fine.

- You're so brave.

- Listen. Listen, Katie. . .

- Hey, where's your bedroom?

- Bedroom?

Yeah. I need to put this somewhere.

- What's this?

- My cIothes.

- Your cIothes?

- Yeah, you know, for wearing.

Oh, cIothes.

Right. I thought you said ''cIoves.'' CIoves.

And I was Iike,

''CIoves, that's a weird thing to pack.''

Okay, yeah. You found the bedroom.

So, yup. So this. . . This is the bedroom.

This is the bedroom.

I shouId probabIy cIean up a IittIe.

Good. Good.

So Iisten, I was thinking about

everything and how great this is,

but it's aII happening so

fast, and I was afraid

that maybe you thought it

was happening too fast.

That's what makes it so exciting.

ExactIy. ExactIy.

That's what I was exactIy going to say.

Because personaIIy,

I couIdn't be more thriIIed.

WeII, you seem reaIIy nervous.

ReaIIy? No, no, no. I don't. . .

That's weird. I don't get nervous.

I just express joy by sweating on occasion.

- Who's Vanessa?

- Who?

You said ''Vanessa'' right

before you passed out.

- I did?

- Oh, is this her?

No. No, that's not her.

I don't know who that is.

That's. . . That picture came with the frame.

But you're in the picture.

Yeah, there I am, right there. I know.

That's because I used to do some

modeIing when I was younger.

- ReaIIy?

- Yes, I did.

I did some picture frame modeIing

back when that whoIe ''reguIar guy'' phase

was sweeping the picture

frame modeIing industry.

- That is so cooI.

- Yeah.

(PHONE RI NGI NG )

The teIephone's ringing.

ShouId I get it?

No. No, no, no.

It's my mom. I'II caII her back.

- Oh, shouId I say hi?

- That's okay.

No, reaIIy, it's weird.

I mean, I shouId say hi, right?

No, no. That's. . . I got it. I got it.

HeIIo, Mom? Hi. Hi !

Oh, same oId, same oId.

How are you guys?

(WHISPERI NG ) If she wants to taIk to me,

I'm here.

Yeah, Iisten. No.

Everything is. . . Everything is. . .

Everything is good.

Okay, sweetie.

Yeah.

I gotta go, Mom. I Iove you.

Yeah. Love you. See you tomorrow, then.

Okay. See you tomorrow.

Bye-bye.

How's Anderson?

Fine, I guess.

He says he has a surprise for us.

He's coming over tomorrow.

What's he doing tomorrow?

Coming.

He's what?

Coming.

I can give you what you want

I can make your heart beat short

I'm scared.

Give me that, IittIe girI.

I'm just a IittIe girI. I'm a IittIe girI.

(WHI PPED CREAM DISPENSI NG )

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