Wedding Daze Page #4

- Anderson?

- Just a minute! Just a minute.

I can be the sauce you crave

I can speII what you can't say

ChocoIate fIavored Iove theme

treat that treats you so mean

Covering your nights and days

Let me give you what you'd Iike

I can make your mouth run dry

Drink me Iike a Iiquor,

c'mon and dip your dipper

Show me what you're here for, guy

- Anderson? Anderson?

- Coming.

Okay.

( SIGHI NG )

Listen. Listen, Katie.

I think you're reaIIy neat. Okay, I do.

But I just. . .

I can't. I can't,

'cause I made a promise to somebody.

And. . .

''I think you're reaIIy neat''? God.

What you want

I can give you what you want

What you want

I can give you what you want

What you want

I can

Oh, God! I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Sorry, sorry.

No, Anderson. It's okay.

Turn around.

So what did your mom say?

Oh, yeah. WeII, she. . .

I was thinking that we couId go over

there and meet them before we. . .

Get married?

If you want to put a IabeI on it.

Great, 'cause I toId my mom we'd

go over to visit her tomorrow, too.

Great. That's great.

I was thinking we couId take

a bus over to my foIks' house.

- I Iike buses.

- That's good. 'Cause it's a bus. It's a bus.

Minty.

WeII, that's toothpaste for you.

That's just cIassic toothpaste.

( SCREAMI NG )

Oh, God!

- It's in my eye! It hurts!

- I'm sorry. I swaIIowed some. Sorry.

It's reaIIy burning.

Did you wanna go in. . .

The bathroom's right there.

- Where?

- Yup, this way. Yes. Yeah, you got it.

Maybe I shouId go out and

get some saIine soIution.

No. I'm fine.

Yeah, but maybe I shouId go, you know,

get some saIine or eye

drops or something.

No, reaIIy.

I'II go get some saIine.

- Okay. Okay. Okay.

- Okay. SIow down. What's the probIem?

I think she wants to have sex with me.

I'm gonna caII 91 1 .

I'm so embarrassed.

I mean, I feeI Iike such an idiot.

- Maybe you just came on a IittIe strong.

-Oh, God.

A coupIe hours ago, she was moving in.

AII your probIems were soIved,

rainbows were shooting out of your ass.

What happened?

Nothing. Nothing. She's great. She's great.

It's just. . .

What?

- What wouId Vanessa say? Huh?

- Oh, buddy.

I was just trying to be

spontaneous, you know?

He probabIy thinks I'm such a freak.

No. Trust me. You're not a freak.

HoId on. HeIp. HeIp. HeIp me.

I've got to go. He's here.

- Hi.

- Hi. Hi.

They were out of saIine,

so I got you some Q-tips

and some zit cream.

So you can do with that what you pIease.

How's your head?

- Oh, sorry.

- No, it's okay.

My eye is fine.

Right. How's your eye?

- It's fine.

- Good.

Wow.

- Wowee.

- Wowee dowee doo.

Doowee wowie booby.

WeII, I think we better get to bed.

I think it's time for. . .

Not. . . I mean, not that kind of bed.

Not that kind of bed.

I mean. . . I mean, Iike,

sIeepy time. SIeepy bed.

'Cause. . .

'Cause I . . . You know.

'Cause your eye and my head and. . .

WeII, if we have any

more physicaI contact,

I think one of us might actuaIIy die. So. . .

( SNORI NG )

So the weekend came and went

- I'm sorry. Sorry.

- It's aII right.

- Go back to sIeep. I'm sorry.

- It's aII right.

Sunday afternoon's a memory

She was just Iying there

SIeeping softIy in a chair

( ALARM BEEPI NG )

Are you aImost ready?

I toId Mom we'd be there

in, Iike, haIf an hour.

She's gonna Iove you!

Fourth word!

You're hoIding hands.

You're hoIding hands.

You're with friends. You're skip. . .

Wizard of Oz! The Wizard of Oz!

Diving? The Greg Louganis Story?

FIashdance!

AirpIane!

Him?

Her? When a Man Loves a Woman!

Sound of Music!

PhiIadeIphia!

Deep Throat! Deep Throat!

Oh, sorry.

Okay. You know what?

You know what, dear?

We give up. Why don't you just teII us?

- That was The AppIe DumpIing Gang.

- Oh.

It's not an easy one. So. . .

It was reaIIy good.

Thanks. Thanks. Thank you.

I'm sorry. . . Thanks.

- You're so good. Yeah. It was hard.

- I thought it. . .

- I thought it made sense.

- It was good.

- It was a tough one, so. . .

- Yeah.

And then a few years ago,

I was in a toy store and I had a thought.

What if there was a Iine of stuffed

animaIs specificaIIy for Jewish chiIdren?

And that's when the Jewnicorn was born.

Listen.

(JEWNICORN RECI TING BLESSING

IN HEBREW)

WeII, Anderson, what do you think?

Wow.

Wow.

I think it's very. . .

Specific.

In a good way, of course.

So, Anderson, what is it you do?

Oh, Anderson's between

jobs right now, Mom.

- Oh, he's between jobs?

- Yeah.

I see.

You know, maybe you'd Iike to

go downstairs to the basement

and see where Stuart

makes aII his IittIe toys.

- Mom, no. Why?

- WeII, yeah. Yes, yeah.

Oh, I think he'd be interested.

EspeciaIIy if you Iike googIy eyes.

- As a matter of fact, I do Iike googIy eyes.

- Okay.

That does it. FoIIow me, young man.

Santa's not the onIy one with a workshop.

- Wow.

- What do you think?

( STUTTERI NG )

- What is this?

- JewIa-Hoop.

Doesn't reaIIy work.

Kind of Iike you, right, Anderson?

(EX CLAI MS )

WiIIiam.

I thought you two shouId speak.

I've been here this whoIe time.

Been watching you with him.

I mean, what do you

even see in that Ioser?

He doesn't even know how to

do The AppIe DumpIing Gang.

AppIe. Dump. Ling. Gang.

That's The AppIe DumpIing Gang, okay?

That's the motherfucking

AppIe DumpIing Gang!

( SOBBI NG )

WiIIiam, you are reaIIy,

reaIIy good at charades,

and nobody can ever

take that away from you.

I had a whoIe Iife pIanned for us.

You know, a big house, three kids,

two boys and a girI, you know?

I know.

Conner, Tanner and AshIey. I'm sorry.

I'm not gay.

What?

What?

- I think you shouId go.

- Oh, yeah.

Okay. I'II go.

But this baII isn't over, CindereIIa.

'Cause, oh. . .

Oh, I'm stiII dancing.

Do you hear me? I'm stiII dancing!

Check it.

I'm stiII dancing. Who's stiII dancing?

I'm a dancing fooI, yeah!

Did you hear that?

( SCRAPI NG )

Got it.

( SLURPI NG )

We shouId get going, 'cause we're

gonna see Anderson's parents.

- I'II grab our jackets.

- Okay.

Okay, weII, this has been fun.

So, thank you.

I think they reaIIy Iiked you.

I do, I couId teII.

EspeciaIIy my mom. My mom Ioved you.

- ReaIIy?

- Yeah, definiteIy.

'Cause I got the impression

she thought I was a Ioser.

Why wouId you say that?

When you were in the bathroom, your

mom said she thought I was a Ioser.

I thought you were great.

ReaIIy?

Yeah, reaIIy.

WeII, I think you're pretty great, too.

- Sorry.

- Do you want to sit down?

Okay. Thanks.

- Thank you.

- Sure thing.

( SIGHS )

May I?

Wow.

Anderson, you have to feeI this.

Okay.

Wow. I think I feIt a kick.

Do you mind if I take a Iisten?

Wow.

- When are you due?

- I'm not pregnant.

This is my stop.

Getting off, getting off, getting off!

Excuse me. Sorry.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

Excuse me. Sorry. Sorry.

- I feeI terribIe.

- That is your fauIt.

- Oh, my God.

- That is your fauIt.

Anderson!

Hey, there, skipper! Hey!

Who's the good-Iooking potato?

Mom, Dad, I want you to meet Katie, my. . .

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