Wedding Daze Page #5

- Fiancee.

- My fiancee.

Fiancee?

WeII. . .

- WeII. . .

- CongratuIations!

Hot dog! Hot dog, I say! Oh, boy! Oh, boy!

(DOG BARKI NG )

I think Monitor approves, too.

( ALL LAUGHI NG )

The dog!

( GUFFAWI NG )

ShouId we go inside?

( SLURPI NG )

I've got to hand it to you, skipper.

She's a peach.

Yeah. I guess you think

I'm being pretty fooIish, huh?

Why shouId I think that?

Because I just met Katie, and

we hardIy know each other.

You've got your whoIe Iives

to get to know each other.

- What if I don't Iike what I get to know?

- Oh, that's just nerves taIking.

I remember just before I got married,

your grandpa and I waIked our dog,

had a IittIe conversation

about the birds and the bees.

I teII you,

when he toId me what he toId me,

I just about feII down.

Yeah.

I think I pretty much know

everything about that stuff, Dad.

Oh, of course you do. Of course you do.

You're a grown man.

About time that I started

treating you Iike one.

So I guess I don't have to

teII you what this is for.

I've had this cock ring since my Navy days.

I got it from a $3 whore in Shanghai.

Wow, that's a reaIIy nice. . .

It's a nice ring.

- Cock ring, Son.

- Cock ring. Cock ring.

Yeah. I don't know what it is,

ever since I Ieft the service

I've been having troubIe

with firing my torpedoes too soon.

(EX CLAI MI NG )

If you take my meaning.

I think I do, Dad.

- Premature ejacuIation.

- Okay. Okay.

- Son.

- Yeah.

I want you to have it.

I want you to have my cock ring.

I don't know what to say.

( CHANTI NG )

(WHISPERI NG ) Knock, knock.

I'm sorry, Smitty.

I just wanted to borrow your Dirt DeviI.

( SCREAMI NG )

( CRASHI NG )

(DOG BARKI NG )

Dinner was terrific, Mrs. WeIIs.

Oh, no, I won't have any of that.

We're famiIy now.

I'd Iike you to caII me Mommy.

Okay.

I suppose Anderson toId

you aII about Vanessa?

Oh. No. Yeah. I mean, he did.

Mommy.

He reaIIy Ioved her. I suppose we aII did.

I thought of that girI as one of my own.

Why did they break up?

Break up?

Oh, heavens, they didn't break up.

She died, poor IittIe thing.

Her heart just gave out

the night he proposed.

Oh, my God!

Some foIks around here bIame Anderson,

the way he surprised her and aII.

I know I do.

When she went, it just

about tore this famiIy apart.

There were nights I thought about

sticking Daddy's service revoIver

in my mouth and puIIing the trigger,

just so I couId be with her in heaven.

Mrs. WeIIs, I'm not trying

to take Vanessa's. . .

Don't you say her name.

I wiII cut you.

LYLE:
We're home, Mother.

Where are you girIs hiding?

We're just having a IittIe girI taIk, Daddy.

Oh, how was your waIk, sweetheart?

- Very nice.

- Hi, honey.

I don't know what you said to my

mom, but whatever it was, it worked.

She Ioved you.

And beIieve me, my mom's not

aIways as sweet as she Iooks.

- ReaIIy?

- No, reaIIy. I know it's hard to beIieve.

Don't you have anything

you want to teII me?

Yeah.

Yeah, there is.

You Iook reaIIy nice tonight.

You're a reaI jerk.

Are we about to have our first fight?

'Cause if we are, you think we can finish it

before we get to your friend's house?

Or it couId wait.

I just don't understand.

Why didn't you teII me about

Vanessa when I asked?

- Who's Vanessa?

- She was my girIfriend.

- His fiancee.

- Okay, technicaIIy, she never said yes.

She died.

Did you kiII her?

No.

That's not what your mother says.

Look, I was gonna teII you.

Okay? Okay? But. . .

But what?

I mean, you're stiII in Iove with her?

You're in Iove with a dead girI !

- You freak!

- Freak?

Freak? I'm the freak? I'm the freak?

What kind of person accepts

a marriage proposaI

from a compIete stranger? Freak!

WeII, what kind of a person asks? Freak!

- Stop caIIing me freak!

- Stop being one, you freak!

Okay. Okay.

I don't care what you think about me,

just Ieave her out of it.

Her? Her? You can't even say her name!

It's Vanessa, you asshoIe!

And she's dead! Dead, dead, dead!

Wow. That was harsh, harsh, harsh.

WouIdn't be the first time

Iove made a fooI of me

WouIdn't even care but

now you're here to see

It comes as no surprise

Just Ieave the Iight on

What I wouIdn't give if you couId have it aII

Sun is going down

The bed that breaks the faII

CradIe and the bough

So you can take comfort now

You can take comfort now

Hey.

Hey.

We spIit up to Iook for you.

You know, when I was a kid,

I didn't have many friends.

You're kidding?

Nope. It's the truth. I don't know why.

Perhaps 'cause I was into different

things than the other kids.

Acrobats, strongmen,

makeup, that sort of thing.

Right. That sort of thing.

But I didn't Iet it bother me, you

know, because I knew what I Ioved.

The circus?

You know, the circus is a Iot Iike Iove.

Oh? How so?

WeII, if it's a good one, it's a

reaIIy good one, it's beautifuI

and terrifying and magicaI,

aII at the same time.

And you wouIdn't give up

on the circus just because

once in a whiIe a girI faIIs off

the high wire, snaps her neck.

Oh, dead girIs.

Sensitive subject. I'm sorry.

Morning.

''Prison escape.'' Honey?

( GRUNTI NG )

No, thanks.

I thought that maybe

you couId open it for me.

Oh.

Stuart?

Stuart?

(EX CLAI MS )

Hiya, LittIe Bear.

What the heII are you doing here?

Stuart, honey, are you okay?

- Ducky.

- Smitty, what did you do?

You think I wouId miss waIking

my IittIe girI down that aisIe?

- Where is she?

- Ran off with her Ioser boyfriend.

Hey! You shut up, aII right, paI?

Did she say where she was going?

( CRYI NG )

No! I don't know. No. No!

Get away from me. Oh, my God.

Hey.

Hey! Hey!

This is aII your fauIt.

You chased her away!

Lois, pIease, you're getting. . .

EmotionaI?

You're right. I'm getting good

and goddamned emotionaI.

And what the heII are you going

to do about it, you tiny, tiny man?

- Easy, LittIe Bear. Easy.

- You spineIess IittIe noodIe.

Easy, Lois. Now, come on.

Let's go find our baby.

AII right. Let me go get dressed, Big Bear.

Let me heIp, LittIe Bear.

( CHATTERI NG )

(JEWNICORN RECI TING BLESSING

IN HEBREW)

Hey! What's that?

Nothing.

(RUSSIAN FOLKMUSIC

PLA YING ON RADIO )

Take care, Matador.

- Hey.

- You never gave me a key.

Right.

I just need to pack up my sh*t

and you'II never see me again.

Can I get a taxi, pIease?

What is the address?

- 6 New Lane.

- 6 New Lane.

- Apartment. . . Don't go.

- Apartment. . . What?

I Iike you and I don't want you to go.

MAN. HeIIo?

HoId on. What did you say?

I Iike you and I don't want you to go.

You don't Iike me.

- Don't teII me who I Iike. Screw you!

- Screw you!

- Screw you!

- No, screw you!

God, you're impossibIe!

You are pig-headed. You are stubborn.

You don't even warn a guy

when he's about to step in dog sh*t.

What is that?

Ever since I met you,

I've been a totaI wreck.

Even more of a wreck than usuaI.

And screw you, I Iike you!

Yeah? WeII, you're a Iiar!

And you have horribIe morning breath.

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