Wedding Daze Page #6

And you couId never have made

it as a picture frame modeI.

It is so cutthroat and so competitive.

And ever since I met you,

I've been feeIing compIeteIy crazy.

And I Iike you, too!

- Okay.

- Okay.

Okay.

Okay. So we Iike each other.

Now what?

Let's go.

- ReaIIy? Where?

- Trust me.

- Where are we going?

- After you.

- PIease?

- No.

- PIease?

- No.

- PIease?

- No.

Doesn't one of them have a car?

No, not one that wiII make it.

No, I'm not doing this.

I'm going to Iose my job.

You hate your job.

Yeah, but that and my

thumbs are the onIy things

separating me from the animaIs.

Besides, I couId get arrested.

I am not doing this, and I'm

not gonna feeI bad about it.

And there's nothing you can

say to change my mind.

Hey.

Taking a test drive, HaI.

May I drive?

No.

Okay.

Love is a game for two to pIay

Don't go wishing your Iife away

Come on now

The race ain't run

Love is a game

Games can be fun

Love is a game for two to win

WaIking aIong with a great big grin

Come on now

Take a run at the sun

We're taking the car, honey!

(WHOOPI NG )

(TI RES SCREECHI NG )

Do you know where she

might go to get married?

OnIy one pIace she wouId go.

Come on now

The deaI ain't done

Love is a game

Games can be fun

Pretty soon you'II find yourseIf

Hoppin' skippin'and jumpin'

Turning somersauIts

With that heart a- Thump, thump, thumpin'

Love is a game for two to pIay

Don't go wishing your Iife away

Come on now

The song ain't sung

Love is a game

Games can be fun

Love is a game

Games shouId be fun

Love is a game

Games can be fun

- Hey. What do you think?

- Nice.

Hey, so what's their deaI?

Are they, Iike, a thing?

Like, weirdo and weirdette?

No. No. They're just roomies.

What about you and Anderson?

Oh, yeah. We make out once in a whiIe.

Hey, no, we've been friends

since seventh grade homeroom.

We entered a taIent show together

as Wayne and Garth. I was Garth.

WeII, you guys must be pretty cIose

if you're wiIIing to steaI a car for him.

We did not steaI a car.

We're just on a very, very Iong test drive.

Hey, can I ask you a question?

Sure.

You know, he's had it pretty

tough Iast year, and. . .

Ted, I'm not gonna hurt him.

Yeah, 'cause he's an idiot, you know?

But he's my best friend.

Someone's gotta watch his back.

Hey!

Hey.

- HeIIo.

- That's it?

That's aII you have to say to me, ''HeIIo''?

HeIIo, stranger?

I won't be such a stranger when I detach

your bicuspids from your aIveoIus.

Pardon?

( SHOUTI NG )

You ruined my Iife!

PIease teII me who you are!

''PIease teII me who you are.''

I'm the Grim Reaper, ass cIam!

WiIIiam!

WiIIiam! What are you doing?

Exacting my vengeance!

Again, Katie, wouId you Iike

to make the introductions?

Anderson, this is WiIIiam, my. . .

Wife! Wife! I'm her wife!

I mean, she's my wife! To be!

We're engaged!

What?

You didn't teII him?

I asked her to marry me three days ago.

I never said yes.

You accepted a baIIoon bouquet from me!

In a court of Iaw, that's the

same thing as saying yes.

- I don't think that's true.

- Is there a probIem here, foIks?

Oh, no. There's no probIem here, Officer.

HAL:
This is him.

And he said he was just

going for a test drive, see?

Excuse me.

You foIks move aIong now, aII right?

Okay, Officer. Thanks.

We're gonna get going. Bye.

( SI REN SOUNDS )

TED:
Oh, my.

This couId be reaIIy bad.

Hi, Mom? Guess where I am.

Oh, my word.

What is it, Mother?

Anderson's in troubIe.

It's that girI, I just know it.

AII right, you two, we're

gonna have to cut it short.

Haven't we taught that boy vaIues?

There's Iemonade in the fridge.

WeIcome to Tuxedo Depot.

I'm BiII, I'II be your conductor.

How can I heIp you reach

your formaI wear destination?

You can heIp me by shutting up, BiII.

This is a stickup.

We don't want your money.

What do you think?

I think you Iook great.

Doesn't he Iook great?

- Yeah, he Iooks great.

- Yeah, great. Fantastic.

Pizza. Gotcha.

Pizza, you're under arrest.

So,

Katie teIIs me, you know,

you're some sort of circus. . .

Freak?

Yeah, I think that's the word she used.

Yeah, I guess there aren't a Iot of

girIs that spend their weekends

Iearning how to breathe fire.

No.

How do you breathe fire?

WeII, it's Iike the oId saying, you

just pucker your Iips and bIow.

And then, of course, you try

not to inhaIe the propeIIant,

'cause you can coIIapse a Iung.

POLICEMAN 1. AII units. AII units.

Damn it.

AII right, we're moving

out of here reaI sIow.

Nobody say nothing, nobody

do nothing, nobody gets hurt.

Thank you. You've been very nice.

( SI REN BLARI NG )

- POLICEMAN 2:
Freeze!

- Freeze! Put your hands on your head!

You've had a tough coupIe of days, huh?

Aside from being hit by a car and

assauIted by an orthodontist,

hasn't been too bad.

I'm sorry about WiIIiam.

He's usuaIIy a nice guy.

You know, it's funny you say that,

because I remember thinking

as he was kicking me in the face,

''Hey, this guy is pretty nice.''

I'II shut up.

You know, I just think

maybe the worId is trying

to teII us something.

WeII, Iike what?

Like, maybe you can't Iook

across a crowded restaurant,

find the person you're supposed

to spend the rest of your Iife with.

SMITTY:
Hey.

You didn't read me my rights.

LOIS:
And what are those handcuffs. . .

Not my probIem. TeII it to the judge.

SMITTY:
Hey, put them in the front.

LOIS:
Get a space heater. . .

- SMITTY:
I demand to be Mirandized.

- Oh, my God!

- Oh, my God!

- HoIy sh*t!

- Mom?

- Katie!

- Baby Bear!

- Dad!

Anderson, this is my dad!

Hi. Hi. Nice to meet you.

Excuse the jeweIry.

- What are you doing here?

- We stoIe a car!

- AIIegedIy.

- Oh, good for you!

AII of you, pipe down!

This guy's fugitive ass is

going back to the big house.

I'm sorry, your dad's a fugitive?

Yep.

Okay. AII right. Come on, Iet's go.

- Come to me, baby.

- Daddy!

SMITTY:
So good to see you.

KATI E:
You, too.

Mom. Dad.

Oh, my God!

Who the hot springs are you peopIe?

We're his parents.

- Hey.

- Nice to see you again, Katie.

Hi, Mommy?

Mom, Dad, these are Katie's parents.

Why are Katie's parents in the hoosegow?

Yeah. Mom?

He kidnapped me.

He kidnapped me from my Stuart.

What are you taIking about?

Baby, what are you doing?

Mom, Dad, stop!

Back me up. No, no!

( ALL CLAMORI NG )

( SCREAMI NG )

AII right, freeze!

You freeze!

Mom!

No. You drop that gun! You drop that gun!

Put down the piece. I wiII bIow you away.

I wiII seriousIy wound this jackass!

Don't you think I won't!

I wiII vioIate your bodiIy

organs with tempered steeI !

I am LittIe Bear, protecting her brood!

- Put that down! Put down the gun, now!

- You don't think I wouId do this?

To preserve the ruIe of Iaw,

I wiII gIadIy sacrifice this man!

What?

- Mom?

- Not now, sweetheart.

Drop it!

This is not poIice procedure!

- She startIed me.

- HeIp me up!

Give me the keys.

Give me those keys right now and

get over there before I hurt this man.

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