Wedgerino Page #3

steady source of income.

- We don't mean to sound non-supportive.

It just seems like you two

haven't thought this idea

all the way through.

- Well, you do sound non-supportive,

so thanks for nothing.

Come on Carl, let's go.

- Don't tell me what to do, Larry,

but I will go with you

because I agree with you.

- Why don't you boys stay for dinner?

- Yeah, we can order pizza

and eat it on the stoop.

- I've lost my appetite.

- So have I.

- I can't believe

the lack of support

from our girlfriends.

- I know, both our girlfriends

were completely non-supportive.

Maybe I was right to

have a crisis about mine.

Maybe you were wrong to not

have a crisis about yours.

- Well, at least

we'll always have each other.

- I'm really grateful we're

number one best friends, Larry.

Larry?

Larry?

- I was just taking a break.

Getting a little shut mouth.

- Cool.

- What's up, fellas?

- Hello.

My name is Larry

and this is my best

friend and roommate, Carl.

Haven't seen you around.

Are you new in town?

- Just got in this morning

and drove all the way from Cali.

- That is a looooong drive.

- It's long enough.

Gives you time to think.

That's my motorcycle over there.

- Nice hog.

Nice wheels.

- You know about bikes?

- Not really.

- Neither do I.

- It's because you're not from California.

Everyone in California rides a bike.

My name's Johnny.

My full name's Jonathan Junior,

so some people call me J.J.,

but you guys can call me Johnny.

Trying to get away from

the whole J.J. thing.

- Carving out a new identity

on a new coast, huh?

- Something like that.

- Say, we were just about

to go inside and unwind

because we just got into huge

fights with our girlfriends.

You wanna come inside and join us

for some decaffeinated coffee?

- I don't see the point in decaf.

I'll take some almonds if you got any?

- So does your bike have a name?

- Bike Tyson, like the boxer.

- Funny you should mention boxing

because the landlord

of this very apartment

is not only a landlord,

but also a boxing promoter.

- I know.

He's my brother.

I don't particularly care for my brother.

We didn't even really grow up together,

except summers.

He's mean.

He's aggressive, he's judgmental,

but he's the only family I've got.

I found out a couple weeks ago

he suffers from an enlarged heart.

He could die

just like that.

So I decided to come back,

go into the family business

in a last-ditch effort to

salvage our rocky relationship

before he passes on.

Going into the family

business also makes sense,

from a financial perspective.

- Johnny, you seem like a super cool,

level-headed guy with

a flair for business.

Maybe you could give my best

friend and I some advice.

We need to make a quick buck.

Couple thousand quick

bucks, to be precise.

We need to pay our rent to your brother,

as it turns out.

We're thinking about

starting a website about jam.

Our girlfriends don't like the idea,

but what do you think?

- Let me sleep on it.

Meet me tomorrow for some coffee action

and I'll help you guys figure it out.

- That's great, Johnny.

Thanks.

I look forward to hearing your input

and becoming very, very

close friends with you.

- Beige.

- Johnny is such a great guy.

- If he's so great,

why don't you make him your

number one best friend?

- That's not what I mean't, Larry.

- He hasn't even helped us yet.

- "Yet" being the key word.

I'm sure he'll help us sort it out.

Just hold your horses.

- I literally am holding my horses.

- Gentlemen, I have figured it out.

I remembered, this morning,

that I have a friend who has

a raspberry farm upstate.

I called him and he's willing to donate

a hundred pounds of berries

to give your guys a little jumpstart.

- That's great.

- Yeah, real great.

We'll only sell one type of jam.

It's a good thing variety

is not the spice of life.

Oh wait, J.J., I just remembered,

variety is the spice of life.

- That's rude, Larry.

- I thought I told you to call me Johnny?

Not J.J.

- I guess I wasn't paying

attention to what you were saying

because I don't find you

that interesting or cool.

- Larry's usually a really nice guy.

- No, that's all right.

I'll just go hang by myself.

- I'm sorry Johnny, I got jealous

because Carl likes you so much

and you seem like a cool guy

and I thought he might make you

his new number one best friend.

But I've realized, true friends,

like Carl and I,

we don't hold each other back.

So I'd love it if the

three of us could become

extremely close.

Carl and I will remain best friends

and you'll be right here.

- Beige.

- What do you mean, beige?

- Whenever something is

cooler than cool, it's beige,

'cause beige is a super cool word.

Thank you.

Nothing like that first

sip of a fine roast.

- Say Johnny, not

to change the subject,

but I've been thinking.

- You are changing the

subject, but I don't mind.

- You seem like a really great guy

and I know this really great girl

and I think the two of

you might potentially

get along really well.

- You mean, like a setup?

Like a blind date?

- That's exactly what I mean.

I know what it's like to be new in town

without any friends.

- I also know and so does Stuffy.

- I don't think so.

- Why not?

- I love you, Johnny.

I'll always love you.

I'll never leave you.

- Tell us, Johnny, what is it?

- Come on, Johnny,

we're all friends here.

- I have emotional...

problems, okay?

What badasses do

is the price you pay

for being a cool dude.

- Right, but being a cool

dude must be awesome.

- Being cool is usually pretty beige,

but with women I have trust issues.

- Your brother indicated he

also doesn't trust women.

- Well, he didn't indicate it, Larry.

He flat out said it.

- Excuse me, Carl.

I'm sorry if I didn't

memorize the conversation

and repeat it back verbatim.

My point is, maybe a lack

of trust towards women

runs in the family.

- Or, maybe his trust issues stem

from his own personal experiences.

- Or, maybe he's just attracted

to the wrong kind of woman.

- Johnny, if you're truly

committed to seeing results

and working on your trust issues,

then you should give it a

shot with my friend, Nicole.

She's a great girl

and if I weren't already

in a relationship,

I would have asked her out on a date.

- I don't want your sloppy seconds.

- Now hold on there, Johnny.

My best friend Carl, here,

was a perfect gentleman.

He never once touched her,

aside from when he

pulled her from the ocean

to save her from drowning.

- Maybe I can save you from drowning too.

- All right, I'll give it a shot.

- What is that?

A piece of string around your neck?

What are you, a Texan?

Is that a bolo tie?

Why don't you wear a thick

tie, like a real man?

I brought you here to assist

with the family business,

not to go to some late night parties.

I need you to do some

office work D Properties

and I also need you to find an undercard

for the upcoming fight I'm promoting.

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