Wedgerino Page #4

Your hair is too long.

You're gonna need a haircut

before you meet up with clients.

- What is this, Dominic?

- What?

- Why do you let the

cereal get soggy like this.

It's disgusting.

- I like the mushy consistency.

- This is why your wife left you.

- This is not why my wife left me.

My wife left me because

I'm mean and I hate women.

- You're mean and you hate women

because your wife left you.

- You bastard.

That was part of a set.

Where are you going?

- I'm going out!

I'm not 74 thousand years old like you

and I don't need 18 thousand

hours of sleep every night.

- Yeah well, we'll see how

many tens of thousands of hours

of sleep you need when you

are 74 thousand years old.

- You think there

are some people on talk radio

who are troubled by...

- Well, of course

you do invite people to call

and you treat them rude.

Anybody can call somebody a

name and hang up on them and...

- That, Mr. Lasseter?

You're not familiar with that?

- I have not had...

- Nicole?

- Johnny.

- I like your nails.

Sorry I'm late.

My brother.

Makes me so mad sometimes.

- Tell me what happened.

- You're so supportive.

- I feel safe with you.

- What if you stop loving me?

Then what?

- Don't say that.

- Why not?

It's what happened with

my last girlfriend.

- I'm not her.

I'll never be her, Johnny.

I can't tell if you like me.

- I read that girls like you more

when they can't tell if

you like them or not.

- Let's just be honest with each other.

Can you tell me what

you're thinking right now?

- I can show you.

- Why are you so far away?

I wanna have your babies.

Oh, Jonathan.

What's wrong?

- Jonathan was my father's name.

- I don't even know your father.

- That's 'cause he's dead

and you utter his name

during our first ever kiss.

- Damn it, Johnny.

It was after our first ever kiss

and I was simply, in the moment,

moaning your full name.

- My full name is Jonathan Junior.

- You're being impossible.

I was just trying to say your full name.

Couples always do that during passionate...

- So we're a couple now?

- Well, I thought that...

- You thought what, exactly?

- Au Revoir?

- I'm sorry, we don't speak French.

- I see your woman,

she's having tears in her eyes.

- She's fine.

- Would you care to order?

Perhaps an Hors d'oeuvre?

- I'm going to the bar.

Hi, can I have a house whiskey, please?

- I was merely...

- Thanks for taking care of my girl.

Can we have a moment?

Alone?

- Of course.

Yes.

- I'm sorry for being such a jerk.

My last relationship was really volatile.

Was volcanic, even,

and I think it left me scared.

But I wanna change

and I wanna change with you.

I consider you, not only my lover,

but also my best friend.

I'm sorry for ruining

what should have been

a wonderful first date

and I don't want it to be our last.

- I, I, I, I.

You are so self-absorbed.

Please, just take me home.

When I talk to you

I feel your sadness

When you look at me

Your eyes go red

When the sun goes down

Inside the blue

Fall out of the sky

Laying, now, beside you

Falling now

- Hey, how was the big date?

- Awful.

There's something wrong with me.

- There's nothing wrong with you, bro.

Women are tricky and mean.

- This one is nice.

I blew it.

I blew it.

I tried to tell Larry and Carl

about my problems with women.

They didn't believe me.

- Yeah, those idiots are no good.

I bet those clowns set

you up on a bad date

just to make you look like a fool.

I hate those bird's brains.

- I do feel like a fool.

- I know how we can teach

those twerps a lesson.

- I'm really glad we're roommates

because if we weren't,

I would be very sad.

- Very sad?

I would be so depressed, I

wouldn't be able to walk.

Not even to come visit you.

- So you would never visit

me if we weren't roommates?

Thanks a lot, Carl.

- Of course I would visit you, Larry.

I would hire a muscular person

to carry me over to your

apartment every single day.

- On your way to my

apartment you'd pass me

being carried to your apartment.

Carl?

Carl?

- I was just getting a little shut mouth.

- Very cool.

- Now let's hang up that sign.

- Hello, friends.

- Welcome, friend.

- How was the big date?

- It was fine.

- Just fine?

- It was marvelous.

My trust issues and baggage

with women in checkered past,

didn't get in the way at all.

- That's great.

It sounds like you're cured.

- We're all out of almonds

because they're very expensive

and we haven't been able

to replenish our supply

since we're pretty short on cash.

But would you like a glass of water?

- I can't stay long.

- So tell us about the big date.

- You know, I'm kind of tired.

I don't really feel like talking about it.

- Then why'd you swing by?

I mean, not that you can't

stop by for no reason at all.

- Or for a specific reason.

- I have a way for you

guys to make some money.

All you have to do

is box on the undercard of a

fight my brother's promoting.

Okay, the fight's in three days.

It pays two grand a piece.

That's two month's rent.

- Great!

Who do Carl and I have to box against?

- You box against each other.

- I don't know.

Carl's my number one best friend

and I'd rather not get

into a fist fight with him.

- Larry's my number one best friend

and I'd rather not get

into a fist fight with him.

- I just said that, Carl.

- I know that, Larry, I was

just echoing your sentiment.

Entiment, entiment.

- Listen, you guys.

Jam.com is not happening.

Okay, we all know that

and my bro needs and undercard.

So let me bottom line it for you.

You get in the ring,

you throw a few punches,

you make two grand a piece.

What do you say?

- We'll think about it.

- We'll strongly consider it.

We'll bottom line it for you tomorrow.

- It's all I ask.

- Foul, foul.

That's a foul, Larry.

- Running around, playing sports.

- You know that's a foul.

- It's exhausting.

We should cool down with some ice cream.

- Eating ice cream will be

counterproductive, Larry.

We should be training for our big match.

- If we both don't train,

it'll even itself out.

We get paid either way

and we should cool down

with some ice cream.

- But ice cream is full of saturated fat.

- But ice cream is a great way

to relax after some exercise.

- Bottom line, we shouldn't

be eating ice cream

when we need to be in the

best shape of our lives.

We should be drinking protein shakes.

- I don't understand

why you're suddenly so

serious about boxing.

- I'm not suddenly so

serious about boxing, Larry.

I just think we should train

so we don't get tired during the fight.

- Well I don't feel like training

and I don't care for protein shakes.

I'm going to get some ice cream.

You can train by yourself.

- Hey, Johnny.

How's things with Nicole?

- You know, I'm really not that into her.

Hey, I have a proposal

I'd like to make you.

Carl, I admire and respect your passion

for the sport of boxing.

You got heart.

You got guts

and I'd be honored if you'd allow me

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