Welcome to Mooseport Page #3

There. We're going to run "Turdport. "

Thank you very much, gentlemen.

I won't let Mooseport down.

You have the Eagle's word. Okay?

- Thank you, Mr. President. Goodbye.

- Bye.

It was my idea!

- Congratulations, Kent.

- Morris, you might want to read this.

Holy crap!

Thanks for meeting with us again, sir.

When we talked last night,

nobody else had put in for mayor.

Well, unbeknownst to us, Irma Brisker,

our town registrar...

...took it upon herself to persuade

Harold Harrison...

You may know him

as Handy Harrison.

Runs the hardware store.

Doing construction work on your home.

...to run for mayor as well.

Okay, then. You've got your mayor.

If he wants it, he can have it.

It's a touch more complicated than that.

What's complicated?

It's just that... See, sir, it kind of got out

in the press that you're both in.

- What press?

- Well...

When the deadline passed we called

Hunt Langley at The Moose Call.

He said when this got around,

it would be national news.

Of course it'll be news.

Press'll say I'm trying to squash a bug.

Rest assured, sir, not one of them

said anything like that.

- Did they, Stu?

- None of them said that.

A couple called it, "David and Goliath,"

but none said that.

- What do you mean, "them"? Who?

- NBC.

- CBS.

- FOX. It was really exciting.

You telling me

the entire country...

...thinks I'm running for mayor

against the man installing my toilet?

But, sir, you said, "Eagle's word. "

Aw, hell!

Stop eating the fertilizer.

Go on over there.

- Look, it's the president!

- He's here!

Which car is he in?

Company's coming.

And Bruce is out again.

- What is this?

- That's Bruce the moose, sir.

It's a rescued animal. Handy's pet.

Shouldn't it be in a zoo?

- Afternoon, Mr. President.

- Oh, hello, Handy.

Is everything okay

with that water heater?

It's all fine.

I wondered if you had a minute.

- I'm Bob. I'm working for you too.

- Bob, nice to see you.

Sorry, Mr. President.

Bob, Martha and Irma.

- Martha. Irma.

- Paint.

- Pipes.

- Wood products.

Like your last two

Cabinet appointments.

- Aren't you going to introduce me?

- Oh, sorry. This is Mandy.

Mandy and Handy. How cute.

Could we speak privately

for a moment?

Yeah, sure. That's my office

right over there.

Outstanding.

Excuse me. I have a private meeting

with the president.

Iguana on your left, sir.

What a dump.

Well, sir, this is it.

Oh, it's cozy. Nice office.

Thank you. How can I help you?

Well, Handy, as I'm sure you know,

we've both put in for mayor.

- No, I didn't know that.

- You didn't?

I knew that I put in. I thought

I was just doing the town a favor.

I thought I was running all by myself.

As you can see,

we have a bit of a situation.

Yeah. We got a bit of a pickle here.

Bit of a pickle, exactly. So I thought

that one of us should withdraw.

I would be happy if it were me.

Lord knows I have nothing left to prove,

much less being the mayor of anything.

But I have a P.R. Problem.

A P.R. Pro...? Is it serious?

Well, it got out to the press

that I had given my word.

- Oh, right.

- You know.

"You have the Eagle's word. "

- Right, like on TV.

- TV. Exactly.

So... Well, look...

...you're a golfer, right?

Are you any good?

I get around. I'm like a 10 handicap,

maybe, on a good day.

Ten? Me too.

We should play sometime.

That would be an honor, sir.

Well, if you're trying to make

a name for yourself in golf...

...you wouldn't start off by...

Nice shot.

...challenging Tiger Woods.

No, you'd start small.

Local tournaments. Same in politics.

You don't start a political career...

...running against the former

president of the United States.

- Fine.

- Fine?

It was a privilege to run.

It's a privilege to withdraw.

- Well, it's settled.

- What's settled?

It turns out we both put in for mayor,

so I just withdrew.

- Chicken.

- I'm glad I helped with the P.R. Problem.

Bruce is out of his pen again.

Did anybody happen to notice?

No, he chewed through the rope.

Bob, put him back.

I already did it.

Excuse me, I'm sorry.

Sally, the president.

We just had a meeting.

We met last night,

when I was stood up.

Look, I'm sorry if I was rude to you.

I'm really embarrassed.

Rude? Don't be silly. No.

In fact, what you said helped

convince me to be mayor.

- Really?

- So you're gonna do it?

- You're going to be our mayor. Great.

- It is, isn't it?

I'm so glad I ran into you.

You know, I've decided to get a dog.

I thought you already had a dog.

I do. A great animal.

- A Shih Tzu.

- Westie.

Westie needs a friend.

And I thought if you were available,

let's say, tomorrow night, perhaps...

...we could discuss it over dinner.

- Dinner?

Yeah. I could really use your

professional advice on this.

Really? My advice?

Okay. Well, yeah. Dinner would be fine.

Great. Looking forward to it. My people

will get in touch with your people.

I don't have people,

but I could give you my number.

Well, my people will get your number,

and we'll set up a time.

And I'm sure whatever time we do set,

you'll be on time.

Absolutely. Looking forward to it.

See you on the links, sir.

- And thanks again for being so helpful.

- Right.

You mean rolling over.

You know, Bruce is a baby.

Babies like to chew things, like rope.

- Uh-oh.

- Okay.

Sally...

...is it me, or did you just

get asked out...

...by that president guy?

Yes, I think I did. Probably couldn't

chew through this, right?

And is it me or did you just say yes

to the president guy?

Yes, I think I did.

I'm sorry that I was late. But you can't

date the president because of that.

- Do you really think that's the reason?

- Why, then?

Why not?

Here, use this.

Shut up!

Sally, I want to talk to you.

Sally, I want to talk! What...?

Thank you very much.

It's very nice of you too.

- Say goodbye, honey.

- It's Irene.

Mr. President!

Yes, Handy, what is it?

- Mr. President!

- Thank you very much.

I can't do it, sir.

I can't drop out of the mayor race.

Excuse me?

I don't have the Eagle thing like you,

but I'm a man of my word too.

And every man's word's important.

Isn't that true?

Does he want money? What is it?

If you stay in this race then I'm sure

you're going to slaughter me...

...but I'm running for

the mayor of Mooseport.

Is he losing his mind?

What just happened?

You're running against the president.

And your girlfriend's dating him.

Mm-hm.

I repeat, "Mm-hm. "

Larry, the president has no comment.

No, no comment. Thank you.

That's all the networks, 60 Minutes,

and Larry King.

The handyman's girlfriend?

Why didn't you tell me?

- I'm gonna look like an idiot.

- I tried to tell you, remember?

Why didn't you try harder?

What am I supposed to do now,

apologize? Back down?

You wanna call Bert Langdon?

For what? I don't need

a campaign manager for this.

Hello...

One second. Mr. President?

Bert Langdon on line one.

Bert. What a coincidence.

What's shaking?

That's what I was going to ask you.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes