Welcome to Mooseport Page #5

So there's supposed to be a meteor

shower at 11:
00. That could be cool.

It'll have to be another time.

All right. It's not gonna happen for 240

years, but okay, I'll pencil that in.

You gotta...

You gotta tighten these.

If you're doing all this to get me

jealous, it's worked, okay?

So could you stop it? Please?

Can you just cancel the date...

...with the president?

So that's Wednesday. Then Thursday.

Come in, come in, come in.

Thank you, sir.

Thursday I thought that you could

interview some of the ghostwriters.

- Great, great, great.

- Where are you taking her?

The Pig and the Whistle.

The only steakhouse in town.

Supposed to be quiet, intimate.

Do you know it?

Pig 'N' Whistle. No.

What do I eat?

I mean, what do I talk about?

Do I have anything in common with her?

She's a veterinarian. Why don't you

talk about mad cow disease.

- Don't, by the way, order meat.

- Why not?

I'm guessing, but she may not appreciate

your wolfing down the animal...

...she spent all day trying to save.

Good point.

Come on.

Well, what?

Do you really actually like this guy?

He wants to talk to me about dogs.

- So why you all dressed up then?

- Because he's the president.

Well, then why are you wearing

black underwear?

Were you looking up my dress?

Yeah, I was.

Get over yourself.

I hardly touched you.

How many times do I gotta tell you how

strong you are? You knuckled my bone.

Listen, explain to me

the underwear choice, all right?

I don't believe this. What difference does

it make what color my underwear is?

It's an unconscious indicator...

...of your subconscious intentions.

How you feel about the pink?

- No.

- No.

- What about these?

- No.

- These?

- All right...

- Do you like any of these?

- I don't.

We're going to Sears tomorrow.

- Remember these?

- Yeah. That, we're locking up, okay?

Or you know what?

I could always go with none.

I wonder what that would indicate.

Sally. Sally! Put some pants on!

Hello? Handy's Hardware.

Hello, Pig 'N' Whistle.

No, this is Handy's Hardware.

Good. I'd like to confirm

a reservation, please.

- You have the wrong number.

- Yes, I know.

For President Monroe Cole.

- Strictly confidential, of course.

- Confidential?

Eight o 'clock. For two, yes?

Well, I'll be buggered by a bear.

Yes, you will.

Look forward to seeing you there.

This feels wrong and pushy.

And him making her

his booty poodle isn't?

You have to stop saying that. Please.

Thank you. To new friends.

- Lots of them.

- This way, Mr. President!

Sorry about the gaggle.

I just can't believe

they hound you like this.

You get used to it.

They're kind of like pigeons.

You throw them a crumb

once in a while and... Hello.

- Thank you, sir.

- Hi, Mom.

Out with the president.

That's great.

Are we ready yet?

I hope you're hungry.

I could eat a horse. Radish.

Horseradish.

- Sally?

- I'm not sure yet.

You go first, Mr. President.

- Monroe, please.

- Monroe.

So much to choose from here.

I'll have the baked potato.

- All right.

- Sour cream and butter...

...and Baco Bits. Vegetarian...

...Baco Bits.

I'll have the endive salad

and a T-bone.

- Sometimes you just want a steak, right?

- Yeah.

No turning back. Get in there.

- Harrison. Hold on a minute.

- What's wrong?

Why can't we go in?

- All right.

- Go on.

- Okay. All right.

- What's going on?

Hi.

Sorry, everybody.

Sorry to interrupt. I was just...

I want to let everybody know

that I'll be running for mayor.

And I'd appreciate your votes. So I'll

hand these out and get out of your way.

- Here you go.

- I'm voting for the president.

Hi. Well, good evening, folks.

It's a nice night, isn't it?

Running for mayor. Hey, you got yours?

Hi. Hi, Shelly.

Want to remind people

I'm running for mayor.

Yeah, we heard you before.

Instead of interrupting our dinner,

why don't you two have a debate?

- Debate?

- Yeah. Have a debate.

No, I'm not going to bother

the president with that.

Oh, no, no, a debate's fine by me.

- There, you see?

- Now?

Well, now is not the time

or place, Handy.

But let's say the town hall...

...Tuesday night.

- That's a great idea.

- All right, well, I'll think about it.

- Of course he will.

Tuesday, town hall. Great.

Okay. All right. You're on.

Okay, why don't we let everybody

get back to their dinner.

All right. I'm gonna go in the bar.

Maybe there's people that are drunk

enough to vote for me in there.

Good idea.

- What are you mentioning a debate?

- You'll be fine.

- I can't even talk to you.

- You'll be fine. Oh, come on.

- I'm gonna stay. You go.

- Hand these out.

Take the truck home, all right?

Put some gas in it.

Hi, everybody. Sorry to interrupt.

- Everything all right?

- Yes.

Would you excuse me for one minute?

- Yeah, certainly.

- Don't get up.

Handy, get the hell out of here.

Sally, I have the right to campaign.

Campaign?

You're making a fool of yourself.

Well, welcome to politics.

Discreetly. Discreetly.

What's in it?

They're...

- It's beyond me, sir.

- What?

- Should I get it to the FBI?

- Yes.

No. No, no. Here she comes.

Mr. President!

Watch your step, Mr. President.

- It's going well, don't you think?

- Mr. President, sir, I've been thinking.

- I suggest a handshake, sir.

- What?

It's a first date. I think a handshake...

Grace, Grace. I'm doing great here.

I think you're underestimating me.

Mr. President, are you gonna

see her again?

- Thank you.

- Sally. Over here. How'd the date go?

Have you officially dumped Handy,

Miss Mannis?

Whoa! Was that a meteor?

It's supposed to be a shower tonight.

Maybe it's a good omen.

I just want to apologize again

for Handy.

I certainly did not tell him

where we were going tonight.

I understand totally.

Well, good night.

I...

- Yes!

- Just a handshake?

A little rusty there, Mr. President?

Mr. President, crash and burn, man!

Okay, here it is again.

The president goes in for the kiss.

Out comes her hand.

And no thank you, Mr. President.

- Yeah! Let's get this guy another beer.

- Here's Jaycee with some local opinion.

- Here's some people. What do you think?

- Oh, wait. Guys, guys, guys.

He was pushed.

He missed all her signals.

And you, sir?

The president? Loser.

- That's me!

- Quite a mixed bag of reaction.

The president got vetoed.

Can you believe it?

Definitely the "Cole" shoulder.

- Cole shoulder.

- The president lost that one.

Do I hear lame duck?

Turn it off. All right? Just turn it off!

- Come on, turn it off. Turn it off.

- Here, Mr. President.

There. It's off.

Well, how do we fix this?

We don't. We concentrate on substance.

We get rid of this debate.

What's wrong with a debate?

Putting him on the stage with you

gives him credibility, Eagle.

And he can be funny, sir.

Funny is your weakness.

Not weakness.

Lesser strength.

Oh, get out.

- Out of your eyeline? Or the room...

- Just get out! Out!

Dyer, Cloud, break his leg.

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