Welcome to Mooseport Page #6

- Yes, sir.

- Yes, sir.

They know I'm kidding, don't they?

I'm kidding! I'm just kidding!

She didn't kiss the president

of the United States.

Sally! Sally! Sal!

I'm coming. Stay there.

Froggy. Green boy.

Sally!

Sally! Come on!

The frog is empty.

There's nothing in it...

...except frog.

Got a rock particle in my eye now.

My eye hurts. I need a hug.

Sally, just...

For a little bit, we're gonna talk.

This was a joke.

It was a bad joke.

It's a little bit funny.

Go to sleep, and maybe...

Maybe we'll meet in our dreams.

Like you can connect a Nintendo

from one player to the next player.

I'm blowing you a kiss.

It's by the window.

And you... Tomorrow, get it,

when you wake up.

You brush your teeth

and then you go get it.

All right. I'm going home.

I hurt my eye.

Home. Feed my doggie.

Testing. Can y'all hear me?

- Sally!

- Hey, Dina.

Would you stop sweating.

It goes with hyperventilating.

We're all set, Eagle. You'll be stage

right, showing your best side.

Talking points, issue cheat sheets.

Wherever possible, tell them

about your experience.

Demonstrate all the resources

that you can bring to Mooseport.

I'm not afraid of you.

- I can't feel my feet.

- Your feet are fine.

- I can't feel them.

- Don't be a weenie. Now, shape up.

- Is my hair sticking up?

- Turn around.

Put it down already.

- There you go.

- Shut your eyes, baby.

Stop it! Stop it!

Look at it, Handy. Motels are full.

Stores are packed.

Do you realize that this is Mooseport's

first traffic jam since... Ever!

We gotta have a second debate.

- No!

- Mr. President! Hey, y'all!

My nose is making a whistling noise.

Sorry.

My fellow Americans...

...welcome to the first of two televised

mayoral debates.

In the grand old Mooseport tradition...

...a game of Rock Paper Scissors...

...will determine who'll answer

questions first. Gentlemen.

- There you go.

- Show them how it's done.

Handy. Mr. President.

Eagle!

You know the rules.

Rock. Paper. Scissors. Okay?

- On the count of three.

- Go get them, Eagle!

One, two, three.

Rock, rock. Tie. Go again.

- Pick paper!

- I'd choose scissors!

- Come on, focus.

- Good luck, Mr. President!

One, two, three.

Oh, paper, paper. Tie. Go again.

Rock!

Come on, focus!

One, two, three.

Oh, come on!

Rock breaks scissors.

The president wins!

I am now prepared to entertain

questions from the floor.

- I got one!

- Clay?

Some of them environment people...

...have taken to calling

Ned Barker's pond a wetlands.

Now, I've been fishing there for

- What's gonna happen?

- Good question.

Clay, I was the most environmentally

conscious president...

...since Teddy Roosevelt.

Human population won't threaten wildlife

in this area for 200 years, if ever.

So go right on fishing in that pond...

...and if anybody tries to stop you,

you send them to me, all right?

Right on, Mr. President!

Handy.

Come on, Handy. Come on.

That's well-put, Mr. President.

It sounds good to me.

Handy, come on.

My turn! My turn!

- Morris! Over here!

- Francis?

For 10 years now, we have needed a

stop sign front of Lucy Decker's house.

And she has done everything except

burn down city hall to stop it.

If elected, what will you do about it?

First off, I would convene a commission

to study the problem.

I would appoint a blue-ribbon panel

of traffic specialists...

...right-of-way attorneys,

and the Army Corps of Engineers...

...to assess the situation

and make recommendations.

I would spare no effort to make

our streets the safest in the world.

Get him, Eagle!

- Handy, your turn.

- Gotta go for it!

That's well-put, Mr. President.

Lucy, let me ask you,

what's the problem?

Car headlights.

Ten years ago they tried a stop sign,

and when cars on Bay Street stopped...

...their headlights stopped right

on my headboard.

- Have you tried curtains?

- Excuse me?

You know, blackout curtains

for your windows.

You'd probably sleep better anyway.

Well, I'd try that.

Nobody ever suggested that.

Well, you come by the store

and we'll help you out.

- I'll do that.

- That's it, Handy. You tell them!

- Dad! Dad!

- Mandy Gutman.

Dad, this is a question for Handy.

Is that okay?

If the president has no objection.

I reserve the right to respond,

but no objection.

Okay, Mandy.

Handy, I was just wondering,

now that Sally is dating the president...

...does that mean that

you're available?

People, can we keep the questioning

to the subject of the election?

I think Joe had a question...

Actually, Morris, I'd like to address

the issue, if I might.

Thank you.

Thanks, Mandy, for that question.

Sally...

...I know I might not be

the best boyfriend, but...

Look, I thought we had

a good thing going here.

You gotta know how much

I care about you, right?

Why do you think I got mad about

the underwear and the president?

- Tell us about the underwear!

- Was it a thong?

No, no, no. It's just...

It's color. It's a color thing.

Sally, what's the deal?

Are you going out with him or me?

Go for the Eagle!

Sally, pick the president!

- Eagle! Eagle! Eagle!

- Stop it!

Stop it!

Come on, Sally, choose Handy!

Which one's it gonna be?

Sally.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

Sally. Sally!

- Sally.

- Are you crazy?

- You didn't answer the phone.

- I can't believe you did that.

What I said means nothing?

You mentioned my underwear

in front of the whole town.

The whole country.

That's how much I care.

- You didn't answer the question.

- What question?

Is it me or him?

Is it me or your new truck? Don't try

to make this about me. It's about you.

How? How is that about me? How...?

Man, she pushed you right down.

Yeah, she's stronger than me.

- It's not about me, it's about you.

- How? How is it about me?

Well, you heard it here first.

It looks like Sally is going to cast

her ballot in favor of the president.

I'm Christy Adams, TVNN News.

Yeah, baby, you're going down.

So, what do you think?

Should I set up another date, or what?

- Why not?

- Excuse me.

Grace?

- Well, what's her problem?

- Maybe she saw the numbers.

You may have done well with the girl,

but the debate was a disaster.

What're you talking about?

Lmpossible.

It's a small town, Eagle.

The rules are different here.

Well, you guys are the hotshots.

Brainstorm.

Well?

Sir...

- Excuse me, Mr. President?

- Yes?

- We could eliminate him.

- What?

You wanna make it look like an accident,

but maybe his brakes could go out.

- Oh, my God.

- Or he could slip on a oil slick.

What, are you insane?

No, sir. I was...

I was just brainstorming.

Did I misunderstand the question?

Thank God you guys are on our side.

- Thank you, sir.

- Thank you, sir.

Hello.

Small town politics. Oh, boy.

- I like three sugars.

- You only need one.

- I like three.

- Three's unhealthy.

- What's eating you?

- Eating me?

Yes. Somehow you seem irked.

- Irked? Really?

- Irked. Really.

Well, actually I am a little irked,

now that you mention it.

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