Welcome to Willits Page #3

It was some weed sh*t.

Like you said, it -- it

always gets dropped

in Cali.

You guys are adorable.

Let me be perfectly

clear, buddy, okay?

I went out on a f***in'

limb to pick you up.

Don't f*** with me.

Okay?

Now, who the f***

is worried about Zack?

I mean, I -- I don't think

the guy knew

where the hot springs were

and I doubt

he could even find

his way home

from the grocery store.

I'm sorry, Cassie,

but who's gonna come

find this jackass

with me?

Okay.

Wait, wait, wait. What?

No, I'm sorry,

you're breakin' up.

Okay, yeah, yeah,

now I can hear you.

What I was saying is..

...I'm freaking out.

It's weirder than usual.

My uncle is saying

some sh*t in the woods.

I don't know, like..

What?

[gasps]

What are you doin',

Court?

I -- I was just callin'

a girlfriend to tell her

that, you know

I'm a little spooked

with everything

that's -- that's

goin' on.

What exactly

is goin' on, Court?

Huh?

Didn't I tell you

to put that up?

Don't you know that they

can pick up your signal?

They'll get your

information.

Heck, they'll get..

Hell, I don't know

all the sh*t

the bastards

are capable of.

- I don't f***in' --

- Uncle!

Uncle Brock, I love you.

But I am scared.

I mean, yesterday

yesterday

everything was normal.

And today,

we got aliens?

You know?

I'm sorry, sweetheart.

I've been wrapped up

in this so long

I forget

what it must be like

just comin'

into this kind

of knowledge.

Alright, well,

go on inside, pumpkin'.

Go on inside

with your auntie.

I'm gonna make

my rounds.

[instrumental music]

I'm gonna be rich.

And high...and rich.

[howling]

[growling]

[screaming]

Deuces.

[screeching]

[leaves rustling]

[growls]

[gunshot]

[gunshot]

Oh, f***.

[instrumental music]

Bring me

that bottle, baby.

[grunts]

[glass shatters]

We celebratin', sweetie!

- I got one!

- Oh!

Ah!

There were a million

of them little f***ers

and, all of a sudden

all of them,

they just disappear.

And then, suddenly,

one comes outta nowhere

slowly, but he don't

see me, right?

- And then, bam!

- Oh, yeah!

Oh, I got the sumbitch.

Oh, baby.

You okay, sugar?

- Am I okay?

- Yeah.

- Am I okay?

- Yeah!

Yeah, baby, I'm okay.

I swear that was a gun.

Might be good ol' boys

havin' a get together.

Maybe growers

remindin' trespassers

where they're at.

Don't trip.

How can you be so sure

it wasn't some psycho?

What's more likely?

A, out here in the middle

of the Emerald Triangle

the country's largest

producer of marijuana

someone's lettin' off

warnin' shots, or B..

...Charles Manson's

havin' a little

Helter Skelter

reunion tour?

[laughs]

Pick up, come on.

Pick, pick, pick.

[footsteps approaching]

The f*** are you doin'?

No!

[groaning]

[whimpering]

Brock?

Baby..

Baby, are you sure

that she's helpin' them?

No, goddammit!

I ain't f***in' sure!

Look, all I'm sure of

is that she was

on that goddamn

cell phone

after I told her

to put it up

and after I shot one

of them goddamn things.

And I -- I ain't takin'

no chances. That's it.

I ain't taking

no goddamn chances.

Okay, alright.

Alright, let's get her

in the goddamn closet

while I have a chance

to sort this sh*t out.

What?

- Well, I, uh --

- What, goddammit?

You wanna put her

in the closet?

[whimpering]

Courtney baby..

[whimpers]

...if you in there,

if you in there

I want you to know

I love you

and I know

if you involved

in this in any way

it ain't

your fault, honey.

I'm just doin' this

'cause I love you

and I'm tryin'

to protect ya.

[whimpering]

Okay?

Alright, let's go.

- Let's go!

- Okay.

[distant screaming]

I hate this place.

I hate the woods.

I hate camping.

[distant howling]

What the f*** is that?

- It's probably coyotes.

- You sure?

Do you know

what probably means?

It could be Bigfoot..

...or Bigfoots..

Or Bigfeet?

Alright, it's Bigfoots,

not Bigfeet.

Yeah, I think

he's right.

Bigfoots,

that makes sense.

That Bigfoot sh*t,

that's, that's no joke.

Neither are

the UFO sightings.

My friends, they -- they

seen some crazy sh*t

in these woods, man.

Incidentally, were these

friends of your

'shrooming, or..

Incidentally, yeah.

Yeah, some of the time.

Some of the time, they

were sober though, so..

But I tell you, man,

I think

there's a connection

between hallucinogenic

drugs and aliens.

You could tap in if you

were really open to it.

I wouldn't mind

tappin' somethin'.

Oh, Bigfeet

aliens, f***ing

coyotes..

[sighs]

I miss my apartment.

I miss the

Mindy Project.

Mindy Project.

F*** it,

you guys seem cool.

This will get you

f***in' there.

What is that, blow?

No, no, no.

No, no, no.

It's better.

It's pure, fresh,

local emerald ice.

Emerald?

It looks white.

Uh, as -- as

in triangle.

It's Emerald Triangle.

[snorting]

Ooh-ooh-ooh!

Oh.

Sh*t just

get too real, maybe?

No, sh*t's just

not my apartment.

What?

Are you sure the closet

was really necessary?

- Jesus.

- She's scared, Brock.

Well, she's scared?

You don't think

I'm scared? Jesus Christ.

Look..

What if she ain't her?

Not her?

- Well, who is she?

- Well, that's just it.

I don't f***in' know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

She could be tryin'

to trick us, right?

We cannot, under any

goddamn circumstances

allow them

to make us vulnerable

because we have

human emotions.

Alright?

I know Court's also

in there, goddammit.

I know that,

I know that!

'Cause I guaran-f***in-tee

if she weren't

she wouldn't be

under this roof.

In the mornin'

we'll let her out, okay?

We'll reassess

the situation.

- Okay?

- Yeah.

Now, worst-case scenario

she's a little pissed.

- She's a little pissed.

- Yeah.

I buy her breakfast,

I apologize.

We good.

But, if she ain't her..

[sighs]

She better off in there.

This way,

I can keep her safe.

[tapping]

I got it.

God, I'm so tired

of this sh*t.

We'll pull

through, babe.

Oh! Goddamn Chinese

f***in' generator!

I'll get it, hon!

Try an' relax!

I'm f***in' relaxed.

[door closes]

[instrumental music

on television]

Alright, you ready?

Born ready.

Brock, we know

you're in there.

[pounding on door]

Police! Open up!

Last chance.

Holy f***, Brock!

I've never seen so many

and they're

all over the house.

I was kickin' that thing

and there are so f***in'

many of them

I barely got

the thing goin'.

They're just

all over the place

and the floodlights

came on

and they export

or teleport

or whatever the f***

they do but I don't --

Sugar, shh.

Come on, sugar.

We're not ready

for them.

Baby, we ready.

I don't think

we're ready --

We gonna be ready.

- There's too many --

- We gonna be ready.

- Know that.

- Okay.

- Okay? Alright.

- Okay.

The f*** are you, Zack?

[tapping]

The hell was that?

A -- alright, seriously,

what the f*** was that?

Let's find out.

What a freak.

[hammering]

Why, this should

slow 'em down.

It's not gonna

keep 'em out, but it'll

slow 'em down, I think.

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