What Did You Do in the War, Daddy? Page #5

Now, listen, you got in here,

you can get out.

There's got to be a way out.

Just don't lose your head.

Are you crazy? Let's surrender!

You'll get us trapped

because your girl threw you over.

Silence! I am in command!

Okay. Christian.

Captain, I want to...

Hold it. He's hung up back here.

-Wait a minute.

-Let him hang.

-All right.

-Are you okay?

I'm all right, just relax.

-I can stand on my own two...

-Look out, there he goes again!

I'll take you up. Come on.

-Captain Oppo.

-What do you want?

I think you and I should have a little talk.

-You don't have any Potty, eh?

-Any what?

-Potty! Potty!

-Major Pott.

We will find your Potty!

And then you will surrender to me!

No, Captain, we will find the major,

and you will surrender to me!

Oh, we shall see.

I've had just about enough...

-What is going on?

-A message from his general!

What is he saying? What is it?

What is it? What is he saying?

It says, ''Your courage has inspired us.

Keep fighting.''

Keep fighting? Keep fighting?

Well, well, well, how does it feel to be

in the same boat, Captain Oppo?

-Captain Cash...

-Yes.

He did it again!

-Listen here...

-Now, wait a minute, gentlemen.

Listen, Captain Cash!

Gentlemen! Now, wait a minute.

Hey! Wait! Wait.

May I make a suggestion, Captain, please?

Go ahead, Lieutenant.

is going to be on your record,

every word on your record!

Thank you, Captain.

Now, gentlemen, it seems that

we're faced with a Mexican stand-off.

No one can move until we find Pott.

Yes, in the meantime,

there'll be more recon planes flying over.

More recon planes flying over.

And if those photographs show

that we're not fighting,

we've had it, gentlemen, purely had it!

Until we find Major Pott

and get this surrender thing worked out,

we fake a battle!

What is he saying?

What did he say? Did he say, fake a battle?

-Yes, sir.

-That's what I thought he said.

-Fake a battle here?

-Fake a battle!

-Well, what the hell else is there to do?

-That's a good idea!

-Yeah!

-We can do it!

-Fake a battle!

-Fake a battle?

Get back! Get back!

-Captain?

-What?

-Captain?

-What?

Message from General Bolt.

Oh, Major Bolt. What does he want?

What does he want?

He wants to know

how the battle is coming.

Now, take him over...

-Let's get him over.

-Here we go. Here we go, up!

It's just a question of time.

I'll get out of here.

What? You really think so?

No, some like it in the pot, nine days old.

Poor bastards!

Isn't there something we can do?

Ah, now, Charlie,just what the hell

would you suggest?

Show me one soldier who isn't up

to his G.I. tail in shot and shell,

and I'll send him back up there

to reinforce C Company!

But we can give them air support, General.

Order Cash to pull his men out

to the hills, then level the town.

According to C Company's

latest communication,

they stand a better chance trying to take

that town than to retreat into the hills.

Captain Cash says

it'd be suicide to pull out.

So, if they don't pull out, we can't

very well level the town, can we, Colonel?

They'll just have to wait

until we take Messina, that's all.

Back inside, you...

Needleman, die!

That was beautiful, Robert! Beautiful!

Lieutenant, look at that!

What do they think they're doing?

Hey, lady, wait a minute.

You're not supposed to be up here.

We're rehearsing.

When the plane comes over,

if you're up here hanging laundry...

Lieutenant!

Go tell that lady to quit interfering

with our rehearsal!

Right.

No! No! No!

No, no, no!

What no? You're dead!

No, this is supposed to resemble

a real battle.

Then fall down!

You've just been shot at close range

by the greatest marksman

in the Italian army!

No. When I open fire, no one is exempt!

Are you sure this time?

Trust me, beloved!

Hey, that's pretty good, Minow.

Needleman! Minow!

Get your tails down here!

Come on, come on.

Crowd around here now.

Come on. Come on, now.

Crowd around here!

Oppo, bring them up here, huh?

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

It's all very gratifying, gentlemen.

Get up here, Oppo.

Now translate this for me. Maybe we can

eliminate some of these coffee breaks.

Okay.

Some of the temperament.

All right, all right. Now, Captain Cash

is going to be here any minute.

We all know what that means, right?

-Hey, Lieutenant!

-Okay?

What do you want, Blair?

Aircraft coming this way, sir!

Damn! Okay.

Got no choice. This is it.

Come on, places! Come on.

All right now, Oppo,

no mistakes this time.

One cup of coffee

and I start using live ammo, got it?

Back inside, hookers!

No, no, inside, ladies, please, huh?

Back inside, ladies! Inside!

Oppo, eh?

Please, huh?

Hey, Lieutenant! Lieutenant!

About two miles and closing!

- Don't give me ideas!

One of those broads

beat me out of six bucks.

-You haven't had six bucks in a year!

-That's what you think.

Minow, Needleman, get out there!

Get back to your places!

And give me back that six bucks.

-I don't know where it is.

-Yeah? Go find it!

Fate has intervened

in the form of Valerno!

We merely land a division,

take the village...

and we would outflank

the Americans and the English!

Divert Panzer Group Mendenheim

to Valerno at once!

Three days. Three incredible days!

And what have we accomplished?

I'll tell you.

We have misplaced Major Pott.

This idiot has made a move,

directed by Cecil B. Christian,

starring the Three Knuckleheads,

and that famous Italian hero, Kid Guts.

Salt.

In the meantime, there's a war going on.

Not a documentary, but a war!

A real, live war!

-They also serve...

-Cut it! Just knock it off!

while we're playing

''Button, button, who's got the button?''

Well, gentlemen, I've had it! I have had it!

Do you understand?

No more games!

The Italians are moving out! Today! Now!

What about Major Pott, sir?

-Well, Captain Oppo?

-Well, Captain, we do not surrender.

Then we fight.

How does that grab you, Oppo?

Fight, shoot, kill!

Well, make up your mind.

Seconds are ticking...

Captain. Let's go.

-Come on, Captain.

-It's all right now. Up, up, upsy-daisy.

-You speak English?

-Of course.

-What do you want?

-My men, why are they prisoners?

I might ask you the very same question.

We found them consorting

with the enemy.

Take your place with

the rest of the prisoners.

I didn't get your name, Colonel.

-Colonel Kastorp.

-Oh, Colonel Kastorp.

-Colonel Kastorp?

-Yeah?

Hey, Oppo, Oppo!

No.

March them out!

Darling, I'm home.

That's right! That's right!

And that's why we are here, Oppo,

because of you!

You and your bloody soccerball!

You and your bloody festival!

Kindly please do not shout.

Oppo, kindly do not live,

because you, you are my albatross.

You are my millstone, and you,

you are my flaming white elephant!

-Rizzo! Oh, you!

-People are watching.

Olly, Olly, oxen free!

One-sided run leg-off!.

Up the rebels! Down the chimney!

Down, down, down,

derry down, derry down!

Yes, yes. What? What? What's this?

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