What We Do in the Shadows Page #3

For f*** sakes...

Jackie?!

Jackie!

- Sorry Nick.

- What are you doing?!

Jackie!

Sh*t!

F*** off.

Where am I?

F***.

F***!

Freaks!

Ah, no...

Petyr got him.

Poor guy...

Who let Petyr out?

Hey, guys!

Hey, what are you guys doing?

What are you doing, Nick?

Come into the house.

- Hi, my name is Nick.

- Hey, guys.

I've been a vampire for 2 months.

Probably, I reckon best thing

about being a vampire is flying.

Like I've always wanted to,

I think everyone has always wanted to fly.

And now I can do it.

Oh...

Nick, why don't you use the front door?

Why would I? I'm flying.

Petyr bit me.

Sucked all my blood out.

I woke up in his basement and...

... he offered me some blood.

I just thought it was something...

... some German thing that these guys do.

This transition, into becoming

a vampire was pretty hard.

I look like sh*t to start off with, like,

I had a massive gash on my neck.

Like you could see the inside of my neck.

I had blood all over my top.

And then I came home and

I was sweating.

I was either really hot or really cold.

It was like a hang-over times 10, I reckon.

It was really bad.

It was quite similar to having the flu.

Except, the only difference

would probably be...

... that my eyes bleed heaps.

Are you guys not cold?

No, I can't really explain it.

It's like, yeah, really hot and cold and like...

... bloody eyes and flying and stuff.

The neighbors can see you

flying around the house.

You want to draw attention

to his house, hm?

You got a whole...

documentary crew following you around.

I am doing an erotic dance for my friends.

And you ruined it.

I was in the zone.

My friends are loving it.

I love it. I saw the end of it.

It looked great.

I don't, I don't know,

if I'm, if I'm accepted yet.

But... I don't know.

I think it's getting there.

I don't know the oldest stuff,

but they're quite naive...

... when it comes to the real world.

So...

I don't know,

it would be cool to just...

Hang out with them.

They could teach me some stuff.

But I could probably

teach them a few things.

At the start it was like, 'Oh no, like I'm..'

'... I'm dead.'

It kind of affected my friendship with normal people,

my family and stuff.

But, of the way I see it,

I've got a whole new family.

They accept me for who I am.

They don't even seem to know who they are.

Even though...

... one of them killed me.

Where should we go tonight?

Let's go to the big Kumara.

Why don't we go to Boogie Wonderland?

We never get in to Boogie Wonderland.

My friend Richard's the bouncer.

He can get us in.

- What? Really?

- I'll invite us in.

- Stu is game.

- He will come with us too?

Ah, this is my friend Stu.

- Hey.

- He works in computers and stuff.

Originally he went out with my sister.

And then they broke up.

I didn't want her to do it, but...

It's got nothing to do with me.

And um... he can't hear me.

Yeah, so basically...

Stu doesn't know that I'm a vampire.

And he doesn't know that

my friends are vampires.

He just thinks that I'm just...

... with some powerful friends.

I bought a room in the house and

he thought I bought a meal.

Just like...

... it really, really sucks...

... that I can't eat him.

I just want to like...

Look at it.

He's the reddest guy I know.

Right, you can hear me.

- Like computer based and stuff, heh, mainly?

- Yeah, yeah.

- Databases.

- Yeah, like computers mainly.

Let's have a vote for Boogie Wonderland

or The Big Kumara.

Big Kumara!

Wait.

Come on Stu, hurry up.

I don't think Nick should have been

turned into a vampire.

He's such a dick.

Looking great man!

You are most welcome!

We're in Boogie Wonderland!

Here we are at Boogie Wonderland

and it is so much fun.

This is amazing!

I'm so happy to be here.

This is pretty cheesy.

Also, did you see the jacket he wore?

He's wearing the same jacket as me.

- It's not exactly the same.

- It's pretty close.

I'm just loving being a vampire.

Over there, is the big Fat Lady's Arms.

Ah, on Wednesday's there be,

like fear factor competition.

You can win like t-shirts and

hats and small prizes.

I can smell werewolves.

Okay, we're just about to walk passed some werewolves

so some sh*t might go down!

Look out guys. Don't catch flees.

- What's that, mate?

- Deacon.

- Sorry what?

- Keep going, keep walking.

- Keep walking!

- We heard that, mate. We've got sensitive hearing.

- Have you?

- Yeah.

What are you filming?

It's a music video, is it?

We don't want any trouble.

- Why did you start it?

- Well, I do. Have I got your heckles up?

Huh?

Why don't you girls smell

your own crutches, huh?

- Come on. It's not worth it.

- What are you talking about?

We don't smell our own crutches.

We smell each others crutches.

And it's a... form of... greeting.

Your own camera, mate, don't, don't...

What?

It's okay, cause I know this guy.

It's count Fagula.

Hey, hey, hey! Don't swear.

- Sorry... they... they...

- We're werewolves.

- Not swearwolves.

- What are we?

We're werewolves, not swearwolves.

- No, listen, that's offensive...

- That's a really offensive word to call people.

Well, at least you're talking

about a bundle of sticks.

Please, this bundle of sticks...

Werewolves?

- No, no, no!

- Don't get it! Nathan it's not real.

He's just gonna take of his gloves.

Ah, sh*t, man!

Why the f*** did you do that for?

Hey! Don't swear.

We're gonna lose it. We're gonna lose it.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa!

- Hey.

Calm down. Calm down!

- Get the f*** my glasses!

- Dion! Dion!

Hey, hey, hey, hey!

Do the breathing! Do the breathing.

Do the breathing.

Count to 10, mate. Count to 10.

- Come on.

- Hold it.

Count to 10, human again.

- 10, human again.

- It's alright. It's not full moon.

Thanks a lot guys.

- Enjoy your night, yah?

- You should be ashamed of yourselves, man.

Great, we didn't want this to happen.

- Come on guys.

- Hey!

Say it! Don't spray it, b*tch!

Declan!

- Why are you swearing all the time?!

- Well, he ride with me...

- Were they actually werewolves?

- Yeah.

Are you okay, Stu?

I just don't really know how to...

... approach this,

cause I never done it before.

Um, and he is a good friend.

And I don't wanna...

... I don't want to break that friendship but..

... then again, what do you do when

someone tells you, that they're a vampire?

I'm expecting him to be angry.

He might be scared and expecting

lot of things to, to bubble to the surface.

You probably noticed, it has been...

... I've been going through a few changes lately.

- Yeah.

- Yeah?

Yeah.

Like...

I don't show up for lunch anymore.

- Yeah.

- Have...

... changed the story of all of Tina's games.

The night time, Tina's games.

Right...

And how you went from beating me

every time and how I

I've won the last 3?

Yeah.

So...

The reason I brought you here...

... is to tell you that...

... I'm a vampire.

Stu took it pretty well.

He's definitely my best mate.

And I'm not gonna eat him.

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