White Chicks Page #5

You spend all day trying to find

the perfect outfit.

You even change your hairstyle

just so he'll take a second look.

But they never notice.

Sometimes I just wish

that they could trade places with us...

so that they would know how it feels.

You know?

- All done.

- Really?

My God! This is so cool.

You know something?

I think you might have been black

in a previous life.

Fo' shizzle, my nizzle.

All right, I got another one for you.

Carmen Electra or Pam Anderson?

Easy.

But they both got a yeast infection.

Now that's tough.

- I'm going to go with Pam Anderson.

- You're disgusting.

- What?

- They got a yeast infection.

Who would you choose?

Hey, Gomez. We got a couple of bogeys.

- No time.

- Oh, come on!

It's Pam Anderson, like you care.

Run their faces. Let's go.

- Brittany Wilson?

- Yeah, that's me.

Let's get her.

- Put the blindfold on her!

- Damn, this girl's strong.

- Who do you work for?

- Intimate Fantasies!

My God. You need help?

What are you doing?

Those are the strippers, Raoul and Tito.

Strippers?

- I thought they were going to kidnap me.

- That's part of their routine.

Oh, my God! I am so sorry.

Hotel security! Is

everything all right here?

Everything is fine.

Just a little case of PMS. That's all.

I'm just one big, emotional wreck.

Could you guys go

get me some Midol and a Snickers?

- Let's get out of here.

- My ass is fat.

This is Harper. It's all clear.

Okay, ladies. Let's focus.

We have to find the perfect spot.

Skank alert.

My God, girls.

I totally forgot my suntan lotion.

I'm gonna get some suntan lotion.

I'll be right back.

Hey, Russ.

Hey, bro. Go long. I got a plan. Go.

Hey, yo! You do that again,

I'm going to bust...

I'll bust out in tears.

- Inbreds!

- You're a jerk.

My bad, sweetheart. Over here.

Don't hurt yourself.

Don't worry, I won't.

Sorry. Better lay off the spinach.

Tony. Let's go hunting.

What a beautiful, sunny day.

Oh, my God. What happened to the sun?

Easy, white chocolate.

I wouldn't want you to melt.

Yeah. Hasta la vista, Schwarzenegro. Bye.

Hey, kids! You guys want to make $5?

Yeah! Sure!

Okay, here's what I want you to do.

Yeah, I'll take the usual.

And put it on my tab.

Hey, Latrell Spencer!

Could we have your autograph?

- Sure, little buddy.

- Thanks. You're the greatest.

Hey, that's what I do, baby.

- Sweet!

- Nice!

- Hey, stay in school.

- Okay, we will!

- You must be pretty good.

- I'm all right.

Sometimes I feel I should be paying them

to take my autograph.

I'm sorry, I didn't even get your name.

Latrell. Latrell Spencer. And you are?

- Denise Porter.

- Denise. Denise Porter.

You know, you look so familiar.

I feel like I've seen you somewhere.

No. I play pro ball.

Maybe you've seen one of my games.

No. But I mean if I did, I'm sure

I would've definitely remembered you.

Okay, well. Look, Denise...

I don't mean to be too

forward or anything...

but I'm here in town,

checking out some real estate, and...

Oh, whereabouts?

- You know, up around over there.

- In Montauk?

- More like around...

- East Hampton.

Just all over the place. It's one big blur.

One big, business blur.

I kind of want to

get away from all that business and...

hang out with somebody

and have a real conversation.

So, I was wondering if

you're not too busy...

- maybe we can hang out?

- Yeah, sure.

- Really? All right. Cool!

- Yeah.

So, I'll pick you up at about...

You know,

the jet should be here about 7:30...

and the limo will take about a half-hour.

About 8:
00. Is that good?

- Yeah, 8:
00 sounds great.

- 8:
00 sounds good? All right.

- Goodbye.

- Take care.

Hey, where's our $5?

All right, calm down.

Here you go. $5. $2.50 each.

- You promised to give us $5 each.

- Stay in school.

Cheapo.

I am not making excuses.

I refuse to believe it.

I am not making excuses.

I refuse to believe it.

- Really?

- I don't want to believe Marcus is cheating.

I don't wanna believe

Michael Jackson keeps carving up his nose.

Excuse me. Your card has been declined

for insufficient funds.

The rep's on the line.

Yes, this is Mrs. Copeland.

$4,000 dress?

And where did I buy this dress?

The Hamptons!

Yes, I remember.

Thank you.

It is on.

I don't see

why I got to go out with Mandingo.

'Cause if you don't, you'll blow our cover.

What you gonna be doing?

Me? I'm going to follow up on a lead.

You're going on a date.

She's a reporter.

Who else knows more

about the Hamptons people than her?

All right, so I like the girl. You're the

one always telling me to settle down.

And you should.

But that don't mean I got to go

with Buffy the White Girl Slayer.

All right. Look. Just go to dinner. Okay?

I'm only gonna be a couple of hours

and I'll meet you back at the club.

- You promise?

- I promise?

I'm serious, dude. Promise.

I do. I'm serious. All right.

And if you need to use protection...

tell Latrell there's an extra

shower curtain in the bathroom.

Hop in.

Take your time. Watch those marshmallows.

Ease on in there, now.

I won't bite unless you ask me to.

You are so beautiful.

Good boy, Baby.

How about we listen to

a little bit of music?

What the...

How did you know? I love this song!

Making my way downtown

Walking fast

Faces pass And I'm home bound

And I need you

And I miss you

And now I wonder

If I could fall Into the sky

Do you think time

Would pass me by

'Cause you know I'd walk

A thousand miles

If I could Just see you

Tonight

- Good evening, madam. Welcome to Bella.

- Thank you.

What are you doing here?

I came to borrow the car

and the keys to his house.

Are you crazy? If you crash this man's car,

he will kill you.

I won't crash it. Look. Just call me

before you leave. I'll bring it back.

Then you meet me back at the club.

No, my brother. You got to get your own.

Help me.

Thank you.

May I bring you something from the bar?

Let me have

a bottle of your best champagne.

- And bring us some oysters.

- Very good, sir.

I have to say, I was so...

I was happy

when I bought you at the auction.

I mean, it's very rare

I have the opportunity to...

bask in the ambience

of such a classy lady such as yourself.

Oh, my God!

- I am humbled by your...

- This athlete's foot is just killing me.

- ...beautiful nature.

- That smell. That's infection.

- The most high-classness of your...

- My God. Is that a hangnail?

Captivated by your beauty.

Your bountiful curves remind me

of the hills in Italy.

I'm sorry. You were saying?

- That's perfect. Thank you.

- Are you ready to order?

Yes, I'll have the chicken.

White meat only.

And for the lady, perhaps a salad?

Perhaps not.

I'll have the steak, smothered in onions.

A rack of ribs. Pasta with extra garlic.

French fries with lots of vinegar and a side

of onion rings with lots of sauerkraut.

Have you ever had oysters?

Did you know oysters are an aphrodisiac?

Sorry.

My tongue's kind of big.

It'll open. Hold it!

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