Who Framed Roger Rabbit Page #12

JESSICA RABBIT:

Oh... well, I... I just had to see you.

VALIANT:

Okay, you've seen me. Now give me a

towel.

As she hands him a towel, she stares down at his anatomy.

JESSICA RABBIT:

What's that thing?

Valiant looks down at what she's referring to.

VALIANT:

Come on, lady, haven't you ever seen a

mole before?

JESSICA RABBIT:

Toons aren't given imperfections.

VALIANT:

No? I guess we're not counting lying,

stealing and murder.

JESSICA RABBIT:

You've got the wrong idea about me.

I'a a pawn in this just like poor

Roger. Can you help me find him? I'll

pay you anything.

VALIANT:

Yeah, I'll bet you would. You gotta

have the rabbit to make the scam work.

JESSICA RABBIT:

No, no, no... I love my husband.

VALIANT:

Oh, sure. I can just feature you

standin' outside your little hutch,

holdin' a carrot cake waitin' for hubby

to come home.

JESSICA RABBIT:

Oh, please don't make fun of me, Mr,

Valiant. You don't know how hard it is

being a woman looking the way I do.

VALIANT:

Yeah, well, you don't know how hard it

is bein' a man looking at a woman

looking the way you do.

JESSICA RABBIT:

I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way.

VALIANT:

I'm not complainin'. But give me

credit. I'm the guy who took the

pictures of you and Acme playin'

pattycake, remember?

Jessica takes a cigarette out of her purse. She lights it

and blows a cloud of Toon smoke. It forms a recreation of

what she describes.

JESSICA RABBIT:

Maroon came to me. He told me he'd

fire Roger if I didn't do it. I went

along with him for Roger's sake. It

was only pattycake, after all.

Valiant waves at the smoke scene, dispelling it.

VALIANT:

So altruistic.

JESSICA RABBIT:

It's the truth. Why won't you believe

it?

VALIANT:

Cause I don't take Acme Dumb Pills. I

don't know what you're up to, lady, but

I'm gonna nail you for the Acme murder.

JESSICA RABBIT:

If I'm as bad as you think, what's

stopping me from just killing you right

now?

Valiant reaches behind him and picks up a small cup on the

sink.

VALIANT:

This cup of turpentine right here. Go

for that gun in your purse and I'm

gonna let you have it.

Jessica breaks down and starts sobbing.

JESSICA RABBIT:

Oh, Mr, Valiant, please... you're my

only hope.

She comes to Eddie and hugs him, burying her head in his

shoulder.

JESSICA RABBIT:

I'm weak... you're strong. Can't you

find a place somewhere in your heart to

help me?

Valiant looks down at the luscious creature in his arms,

considering the request. The moment is interrupted by the

CLEARING of a VOICE.

DOLORES (O.C.)

Dabblin' in watercolors, Eddie?

Valiant, still in just a towel, sheepishly turns to face

Dolores, who's standing in the doorway.

VALIANT:

Dolores...

Dolores regards Jessica with undisguised contempt.

DOLORES:

Lemme guess... your cousin from Des

Moines?

Jessica straightens her dress.

JESSICA RABBIT:

Perhaps I should go.

DOLORES:

Must you?

JESSICA RABBIT:

Goodbye, Eddie... don't hate me.

Jessica blows Eddie a TOON KISS which flies across the room,

landing on Eddie's cheek. She saunters past the smoldering

Dolores and out the door. Dolores walks to Eddie and peels

the kiss off his cheek. She crumples it up and throws it

down in the wastebasket.

DOLORES:

What was that?

VALIANT:

That was the rabbit's wife.

DOLORES:

The rabbit's wife? Wanna tell me what

she was doin' with her arms around you?

VALIANT:

Probably lookin' for a good place to

stick a knife.

DOLORES:

I just stopped by to tell you that I

checked out the Acme probate.

VALIANT:

Maroon, right?

DOLORES:

Nope. It's that Cloverleaf outfit

again.

VALIANT:

(startled)

What the hell would they want with a

gag factory?

DOLORES:

Got me. But unless the will shows up

by Friday midnight, it's theirs.

As Valiant considers this new development, he c*cks an ear.

In the distance, we HEAR FAINT SINGING.

VALIANT:

What's that comin' from the bar?

DOLORES:

(listens)

Sounds like singin'.

VALIANT:

Oh, no...

As Valiant grabs his pants...

CUT TO:

INT. TERMINAL BAR - DAY

Roger's out all right. In fact, he's using the bar as a

stage for a song and dance number. The tune is extremely

familiar. In fact, it's the one that opens every Warner

Brothers cartoon... The Looney Tune Anthem. But we've never

heard words to go with it.

ROGER RAB3IT

'The merry-go-round broke down

But you don't see me frown...'

Roger grabs Augie's pad and pencil, scribbles some drawings

lightning fast.

ROGER RABBIT:

(continuing)

'Things turned out fine

And now she's mine...'

Roger flips through the pad which in crude animation, shows

the story of Roger and Jessica getting back together,

culminating in them kissing in a heart. Augie's delighted.

ROGER RABBIT:

(continuing)

'... Cause the merry-go-round

Went round...

Hoo-hoo, Hoo-hoo...'

Roger does backflips and acts like an escapee from the acute

ward.

THE DOOR OPENS:

Eddie and Dolores enter. Valiant stops in his tracks at the

sight of Roger's performance... and the smiles on the faces

of the sourpusses.

CLOSE - ROGER

doesn't see Eddie. He moves into the next verse. He twirls

around on the post.

ROGER RABBIT:

'My name is Roger Rabbit

I've got a crazy habit

I like to sing and dance and yuk...'

Roger goes to Angelo, lifts off his cap, and whacks his

toupee, making it spin like a top.

ROGER RABBIT:

(continuing)

'... So brighten up and smile

You schmuck'.

All the regulars in the bar have a good laugh at that one.

Now as Roger twirls around on the post, he smashes into a bar

tray held by Eddie. Valiant carries him toward the back

room, but the irrepressable entertainer gets on his knees Al

Jolson style and blows kisses to his audience. The regulars

are HOWLING as Roger is carried out.

INT. BACK ROOM

Valiant flings Roger into the room and slams the door behind

him.

ROGER RABBIT:

Hey, don't I get an encore?

VALIANT:

Why, you crazy Toon... I've been out

there riskin' my neck for you. I come

back here and you're singin' and

dancin'.

ROGER RABBIT:

But that's my calling, my purpose, my

raison d'etre. Toons are supposed to

make people laugh... and believe me,

those people needed a laugh.

VALIANT:

And when they're done laughin' , they're

gonna call the cops. That guy Angelo

would rat on you for a nickel!

ROGER RABBIT:

Angelo? He's a pal, a chum...

VALIANT:

An arsonist and a kidnapper. He

just got outta prison.

ROGER RABBIT:

Well... I still don't think he'd turn

me in.

VALIANT:

Just because you got 'em to laugh?

ROGER RABBIT:

A laugh can be a powerful thing, Eddie.

Sometimes it's the only weapon we have

in life.

VALIANT:

I think I prefer the Smith and Wesson

variety.

ROGER RABBIT:

I've met some cynical and miserable

humans in my time. But you, Edward

Valiant, are positively funereal!

VALIANT:

Well, right now it's gonna be your

funereal.

Valiant takes his fist back to belt Roger. Roger stands

stoicly, jaw thrust forward, eyes closed.

ROGER RABBIT:

Go ahead and throw that punch.

(opens one eye)

But you'd be more successful with a

punch line.

Valiant drops his fist and rubs his temples with frustration.

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