Who Framed Roger Rabbit Page #13

VALIANT:

You're driving me crazy, you know that?

Let's go... you ruined this as a hiding

place.

Valiant grabs Roger by the scruff of the neck and opens the

door. But he ducks back in quickly.

VALIANT'S POW - THROUGH DOOR - JUDGE DOOM

has entered the bar. He stands FRAMED in the doorway,

Voltaire perched on his shoulder. The red light of the neon

sign flashes on his glasses making him look like he's got

burning coals for eyes. With the Weasles at the door backing

him up, the satanic Doom walks to the bar, his FOOTSTEPS

CREAKING along the wooden floor. He surveys the scene, leans

over the bar for a glass. Doom holds the glass up to the

light and looks at it disgustedly. He picks up a bottle of

scotch and carries it down to where the one-armed Soldier is

sitting. Doom stares at him, then pulls the empty sleeve out

of the amputee's pocket. He uses it to wipe the inside of

the glass.

DOOM:

I'm looking for a rabbit. He was last

seen in this neighborhood.

The barflies avoid Doom's stare and shoot covered glances to

one another. But nobody says a word. Doom pours a drink

into his newly cleaned glass... then gently pours it down

Voltaire's gullet.

DOOM:

(continuing)

You couldn't miss him. Buck teeth.

Orange pants. About yea big.

Doom squashes the Midget's head down to approximate the size.

DOLORES:

There's no rabbit here, so don't harass

my customers.

Doom turns to Dolores.

DOOM:

I didn't come here to harass. I came

here to reward.

Doom walks around Dolores toward the back. But Doom stops

next to the blackboard. On it is written: "Today's Special

- French Dip - $ .50". Doom erases the "French" and the

decimal point in front of the "50". Then he picks up the

chalk and starts to write. The CHALK SQUEAKS excruciatingly

on the blackboard. Everyone winces but watches anyway, as

Doom writes "Rabbit" where the "French" was, and adds the

zeroes to the "50". It now reads: "Rabbit Dip - $5000".

AT THE BAR - ALL EYES

are fixed on the figure on the blackboard. Angelo licks his

lips.

ANGELO:

Hey, I seen a rabbit...

Angelo looks defensively at all his cronies and back to Doom.

ANGELO:

(continuing)

He's right here in the bar.

But instead of pointing to the back of the bar, he talks to

the empty barstool beside him.

ANGELO:

(continuing)

Say 'ello, Harvey.

The tension is broken. Everybody at the bar starts HOWLING.

INT. BACK ROOM

Roger turns to Eddie victoriously.

ROGER RABBIT:

My pal.

IN THE BAR:

Doom stares down the regulars until the laughter stops.

Meanwhile, a Weasle has started sniffing around the bar where

Roger was dancing. As Doom turns to leave, the Weasle

whispers in his ear as he points to the back. Doom smiles

and pats the Weasle on the head. He turns to Angelo and the

others.

DOOM:

Now we'll see who laughs best...

The Weasle bloodhounds through the bar with Doom striding

after him. We FOLLOW them to the door to the back room.

Doom rips the door open.

INT. BACK ROON

It's dark. Doom flicks on the light. REVEAL Valiant on the

cot, his pint bottle cradled in his arm. He blinks as if

awakened from a drunken slumber.

DOOM:

Valiant? Why is it that whenever my

men smell a rabbit, you're there?

Valiant plumps the pillow behind his head.

VALIANT:

Must be my cologne... Eau Dc Carrot.

WEASLE #1

(sniffs)

He's in here all right, boss.

Suddenly the Weasle grabs the pillow from under Valiant's

head and carves it to shreds with a switchblade. Feathers

fly. But no rabbit fur.

WEASLE #2

Youse want we should take the place

apart?

The rest of the Weasles are arrayed behind Doom with Toon

crowbars, picks, and a jackhammer.

DOOM:

No, Sergeant. That won't be necessary.

Doom walks over to the locker.

DOOM:

(continuing)

I know a trick that no Toon can resist.

Doom raps on the locker with his knuckles. Da-da-da-da-da...

It's a familiar pattern that demands a Da-da response. Doom

moves to the desk and tries it again. Da-da-da-da-da...

INSIDE A MAXWELL HOUSE COFFEE CAN

Roger is hiding while sweating out the urge to finish the

familiar coda. We HEAR the RAPPING again, closer.

Da-da-da-da-da... Roger's biting his nails.

DOOM:

moves to the milk crate the coffee can is on. Valiant gets

up off the cot.

VALIANT:

You know, Doom, I don't know who's

Toonier, you or the rabbit.

Doom just smiles and knocks the pattern out on the crate.

DOOM:

Shave... and... a haircut...

Roger bursts out of the can with the lid on his head. He

responds con brio.

ROGER RABBIT:

Two... bits!

(looks around)

Uh... oh...

PSSSHEW! Roger flies out the door.

INT. THE BAR

He streaks across the bar and out the front door. After a

beat, two Weasles step into the bar holding the butterfly net

they had stretched across the door. They WHEEZE with glee at

the struggling Roger trapped inside. A third Weasle carries

the Judge's briefcase.

Doom strides confidently into the bar.

WEASLE:

Oyez... oyez... oyez... court is now in

session.

Valiant and Dolores are led out by a couple Weasles holding

guns on them. As Doom snaps the briefcase open on the bar,

the twelve Kangaroos pop up in their jury box. Doom raps on

the bar with his gavel-headed cane. The regulars watch the

bizarre scene in stunned silence.

DOOM:

Roger Rabbit is charged with the cold

blooded murder of a human... Marvin

Acme. The jury will direct their

attention to exhibits A, B, and C.

The Weasles display photographs of Jessica and Acme playing

pattycake, a blow-up of his fingerprints spelling

RogerRabbitRogerRabbit in the whorls on the photographs, and

a picture of Acme lying under the safe.

DOOM:

(continuing)

Motive, evidence, modus operandi. How

do you find the defendant?

Once again the Kangaroo court wastes no time delivering the

verdict. The Baby Kangaroos pop up with their Y-O-U A-R-E

G-U-I-L-T-Y signs.

DOOM:

(continuing)

Guilty as charged. Case closed!

Doom slams the briefcase shut. Now two Weasles wheel the

stainless steel tub filled with dip into the bar. Another

hands Doom his black rubber gloves.

DOOM:

(continuing)

For this heinous crime, I sentence you

to the dip!

ROGER RABBIT:

No, no. not the dip! Eddie, tell him

I didn't do it!

VALIANT:

I don't think it's gonna matter.

Sorry, pal, I tried.

DOOM:

Yes, and for that you're charged with

aiding and abetting. But we'll let

Santino handle that.

Doom pulls on the rubber gloves.

VALIANT:

Hey, doesn't the rabbit even get a last

request?

ROGER RABBIT:

A blindfold, cigarette, noseplugs?

Just kidding.

VALIANT:

I think you want a drink.

(to Doom)

How about it, Judge?

DOOM:

Well, why not? I'm feeling magnanimous

tonight. The successful conclusion of

this case draws the curtain on my

career as a jurist. I'm retiring to

take a new role in the private sector.

VALIANT:

Yeah? Well, don't expect the Toons to

give you a gold watch.

Valiant pours a glass of whiskey filling it all the way to

the rim. He holds it out to Roger.

VALIANT:

(continuing)

Here you go, kid... say hi to Casper

for me.

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